My Final Battle
by LadyCizzle
Summary: Sequel To My Capture. J.D and Perry finally do something they been wanting to do for a long time. One clue: SEX. JDA and DCA, slash. FINAL CHAPTER UP. I MEAN IT, IT'S THE LAST CHAPTER PEOPLE SO COME ON AND READ IT. IT WILL MAKE ME VERY HAPPY IF YOU DO!
1. Chapter 1

**Summary- So I said that this story was going to be up by Saturday but something came up so I wasn't able to post. Since I had today off I decided to do what I said I was going to do on Sat and post this today. I am so glad that people reviewed my last two stories and I hope people enjoy this story.**

**This story will deal with slash but later on in like the fifth or sixth chapters, flashbacks of abuse, and maybe some self harm and drug and alcohol abuse. There will even be mentions of child abuse so if you can't hack it then don't read it because I'm not changing my story.**

**Now on to the Disclaimer

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Disclaimer: I don't own Scrubs or any characters assiociated with the show. I do however own any character you see that has never appeared on the show such as any police officers or doctors that are used. **

Now on to the Review Shout Out Corner

I don't own Scrubs or any characters assiociated with the show. I do however own any character you see that has never appeared on the show such as any police officers or doctors that are used.

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**Review Shout out Corner**

**I want to thank everyone who reveiwed my last story. I can't get enough of them and I want everyone to know that I would love if you review this story. I haven't have the time to respond to the reviews left on the last chapter but I will make sure that I do that in Chapter 2. Much love to everyone out there.**

**P.S whoever gives me the best review have the next chapter dedicated to them (j/k) but I will be dedicating my chapters to my most loyal readers just because I love you all so much**

**Now on to Chapter 1**

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**Chapter 1**_

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Amazing Grace_

_How sweet the sound_

_That saved a wretch like me_

_I once was lost _

_But now I'm found_

_Was blind but now I see._

J.D felt the tears fall from his eyes as he watched the church fill with people. They were all here to honor the person that was willing to give their life for his. On some level, he couldn't help but feel that everything that happened was his fault. That if he hadn't been so nice and naive about everything around then they wouldn't have gotten involved.

The people sat around him but to J.D, they didn't really exist. All he could think about was the night that would haunt him for the rest of his life.

"BP dropping"

"Vitals weak, losing a lot of blood."

"What do we have"

"Gunshot wound to the chest, may have possibly hit the heart, lost a huge mass of blood on the way over. Heart rate is 50 over 180, had to resuscitate once in the ride over here."

"I need 60 units of O neg right away."

"Okay lift"

"We need the OR right away or this guy is going to die."

"Page Dr. Miller."

"Alright doctor."

J.D watched as the herd of doctors and nurses began to roll someone that he loved into the available surgical room. He had tried to go into the room too but one of the officer's that came into hospital with him held him back, preventing him from doing so.

"Sir you can't go in there"

"I need to go in there" J.D cried as he pushed the stranger away from him. He tried to run into the room again but the officer wouldn't let him go.

"You can't go in there."

"You don't understand, I need to be in there" J.D said finally collapsing in the officer arms. "I need to be in there for when he dies."

* * *

_On that morning _

_When this life is over_

_I'll fly away_

_Ohh when I die_

_Hallelujah by and by_

_I'll fly away._

The church was quickly filled and J.D was surprised that they knew that many people. Friends going as far back as high school came to pay their respects and J.D pretended that he was glad that everyone was there but he wasn't. He just wanted his life to go back to the way it was, before the stalker and the kidnapping but J.D knew he would never have that life back. As far as he was concerned, his life was over.

"J.D, we have to go"

"No, I don't want to."

"We have to go"

"No" J.D hissed as he threw the suit on the floor. "I don't want to go because I'll have to say good-bye and I don't want to."

"J.D I understand"

"No you don't" throwing whatever he could to the floor before falling down on it himself. "He's dead and he's never coming back; never coming back, don't you get that. How am I supposed to live without him, huh Turk; how am I supposed to be live without him."

"I don't know" he silently replied back as he dropped down to his knees and wrapped his arms around his best friend. It was all that he could do for his friend.

"Me neither" crying as he let himself be cradled in his best friends arms.

* * *

_Every breath I take_

_Every move I make_

_Every single day, every time I pray_

_I'll be missing you_

_Thinking of the day_

_When you went away_

_What a life to take, what a bond to break_

_I'll be missing you._

J.D listened to the minister say nice things about the dearly departed yet he knew that he nothing about the man he was burying. The priest didn't know how the man had a heart of gold even if he didn't show it all the time. He couldn't recall the amount of time that was especially devoted to him even when J.D didn't realize it. How could he not notice all the good things that had happened between them, all the good things that he let slip away.

It made J.D hurt even more when he thought about all those time that he turned his back on him. Blamed him for things that happened in his life, even when he knew that it wasn't his fault. He wished he could go back in time and tell him that he didn't mean any of those words that he ever said.

* * *

_I'm sorry for _

_Blaming you_

_For everything _

_I just couldn't do_

_And I hurt myself_

_By hurting you_

"J.D" a fuzzy voice cried to him from a distant. "J.D can you hear me." J.D vision became blurry as he tried to stand up to face the voice. Everything around him started to spin and darkness started to surround his entire body as he fell to the ground.

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Turk called out desperately to his friend. Ever since he got the phone call that told him J.D was alive, he quickly got into his car and made his way to the hospital that J.D was located in. He had to come by himself because Carla and Elliot had got called in to work and the hospital was about forty-five minutes away, but the way Turk drove he arrived there in thirty. 

He rushed into the hospital room and the first thing he did was grasp. He saw his best friend lying in the quiet room surrounded by machines he was used to seeing. What he wasn't used to seeing someone who knew covered in cuts, burns and bruises. Turk noticed how pale and bruised J.D was, the way his usually neat hair was covered all over his face.

Walking closer to the bed, he pulled the chair up to J.D and grabbed his hand. Turk knew that he usually wasn't a sentimental person but something about seeing J.D in this condition, he found himself wanting to cry. Quickly wiping his eyes and removing any tears he found himself wanting to see if J.D was stable enough to wake up. He just wanted to hear the sound of his friends voice again, it was the only way he would be able to be okay.

"J.D" he softly cried out. "J.D can you hear me"

* * *

Opening his eyes J.D looked around the room and saw that he was inside a hospital bed. The voice became clearer as well as J.D's eyesight as he noticed the person standing beside his bed was Turk. Turk held a firm grip on his hand as he smiled as big as he could. 

"J.D, thank God you're awake."

"Turk…what happened"

"You blacked out when they found you, been unconscious for about six hours now."

"What, what about -why aren't we at the funeral." J.D whispered.

"J.D what funeral"

"The funeral, Kenny shot him…he didn't make it"

"J.D" Turk replied sitting down on the bed. "There wasn't a funeral because he isn't dead."

"What"

"The bullet pierced his heart and barely missed his spine, but the doctors here were able to fix it. Right now he needs to get a lot of blood transfusions but they say that he'll make it."

"So you're telling me that he's okay." J.D whispered again as tears began to fall from his eyes. "Are you telling me that-"

"Yes J.D, he's okay. Your brother made it."

* * *

The words hit J.D's ears and relief washed over him. He realized that everything that had just happened had been a dream. No, not a dream but instead, a nightmare. A nightmare that showed him the death of Dan. He couldn't control the tears that fell from his eyes as he tried to unhook himself from the IV. 

"J.D man what are you doing."

"I have to go, I have to go see my brother" J.D cried as he pulled out the IV and grabbed the side of the bed to pull himself up but Turk pulled him back down again.

"J.D man, you can't go see him yet; you need more rest"

"Dammit I don't need rest, I need to see my brother." J.D screamed as he tried to push Turk off of him but the soreness in his body and the lack of energy in his system caused him to put up a weak battle. Turk easily placed him back down on the bed but J.D continued to scream and kick him as hard as he could. Realizing that he get himself hurt, Turk did the only thing he could.

"Let me go you bastard" J.D yelled at his friend. "Let me fucking go now"

"I need a nurse and a sedative now" he screamed into the intercom as he best friend continued to scream vulgar things at him. A nurse quickly came into the hospital and Turk stuck the needed in J.D's arm. He watched as the kicking, screaming decreased, and his friend became motionless on the bed.

* * *

Perry had been inside J.D's room ever since Turk came out of it three hours ago. The panic look on his face showed Perry that something had happened between the friends and he thought that he should be in there when J.D woke up again. He had made the surgeon go to someone and clear his head; maybe even some sleep along the way. Perry had promised to call Turk if anything happened and so far, nothing had happened. 

He sighed as he grabbed the younger man's hand and gave it a squeeze. Perry made sure that he didn't apply to much pressure to the bruised body of the young man. It took all the strength that he had to keep from crying again. Seeing J.D up close in the ambulance with all the marks on his body was too much for him and caused him to throw-up as soon as he got out of it. The way he looked was worse than it was in the picture, the bruises looked darker and bigger, the cuts seemed wider and the burns seemed to be fresh instead of being almost four days old according to the doctor. J.D to him seemed thinner, paler than he normally was but the thing that Perry noticed that was the most different was his hair. J.D's hair, which was usually neat and spiky, gelled up with all kinds of feminine hair products now laid limp across his face.

Gently brushing his hand across J.D's face, Perry couldn't control the tears that escaped his eyes. They rolled down his cheeks and fell onto J.D's cheeks as he leaned forward to kiss the forehead of the young man. Closing his eyes, Perry rested his forehead on J.D's, still having the J.D's hand in his.

Perry was brought out of his thoughts when he felt the hand he was holding tightly squeeze his. He opened his eyes only to be met by a pair of bright blue eyes already doused with tears. He opened his mouth to speak but quickly closed it when J.D lifted his other hand to run it across his wet unshaved face.

"You're real" J.D whispered.

"You're awake"

"Are you really here"

"I should be the one asking you that but I gotta tell you this if you aren't real this is one hell of a hallucination" Perry smiled as he gripped J.D's hand tighter.

J.D continued to move his hand along the surface of Perry's face afraid to move it. Scared that it was just another hallucination that he had become used to seeing while in captivity. He ran his fingers over the lips, nose; slowly making the way over the eyes and he could tell that they were wet from tears. He realized that Perry was in-fact real and was there sitting right beside him.

"I've missed you so much" J.D cried as he tried to push his body up from the bed. He needed to wrapped in Perry's arms, feel his warmth all over him. As if Perry could tell what J.D asking for, he moved from the chair and sat down on the bed to be closer to J.D. He immediately engulfed J.D in his arms and used his free hands to stroke the back of his neck and hair. He felt his shoulder become wet as J.D cried softly on it.

"I thought I would never see you again-I thought you were dead."

"I know exactly how you were feeling" Perry whispered into J.D ear.

"Oh my God, you're really here. I can't believe it. I missed you so much and you're-" J.D tried to say but the sounds came out muffled against Perry's broad shoulder. He wanted so much to tell him that he thought of him everyday and that being without him was more torture than anything that Kenny put him through. J.D wanted to say all those things but he found no words that could describe how good it felt to be inside his lover's arms.

"God J.D" Perry quietly sobbed, "You have no idea how much I missed you. I fought so hard to find you and now; now you're here and I'm holding you and God-I just-"

"I feel the same way." J.D smiled as he moved his head from Perry's shoulder to look him in the eye. He smiled even wider when Perry ran his hands across his face, wiping any tears that were fresh on his face. Unable to control himself, J.D took both his hands to cup Perry's face and place a kiss on Perry's lips.

Perry was shocked by the action simply because he didn't know if J.D would react to him that way. He didn't want to do anything that would remind him of any of the things that he went through with Walter so he made sure that he didn't go to far as much as he found it hard to resist. When he felt J.D's tongue run over his lips as if begging for entrance, he unwillingly pulled away. His heart dropped when he saw the hurt look that inflated in J.D's eyes by his actions.

"I'm sorry-I don't know what came over me" J.D replied hurtfully. Removing his hands from Perry's face, he positioned his body to lay back down but was shocked when Perry grabbed his hands.

"What are you sorry about"

"I get it if you don't want to be with me because of-"

"Don't say that" hissing as he pulled J.D back into the hug. "Just-God don't say that. I still love you and it doesn't matter what Walter did to you, I still love you."

"Who's Walter" J.D asked pulling away, confusion evident in his eyes.

"Walter was Kenny's real name, the police think that he may have murdered a homeless man and then stole his identity."

"Like he murdered Steven"

"Steven Walsh."

"Yeah, I think they may be the same person. Ken-Walter said that he was going to kill me in the same spot that he killed Steven. He would have killed me if Dan hadn't come and-" J.D paused when he realized that he hadn't even asked how his brother was doing since he had been awake the second time. "Perry how is my brother"

"As you know he had to have surgery and he lost a lot of blood but the hospital-they did a good job and right now he's still unconscious from the blood loss."

"He's unconscious" J.D whispered when the new hit his ears. His brother had not only saved his life but now was lying unconscious in a hospital bed. He knew that he needed to see his brother, make sure that he was okay.

"Yes he is but he's alive and that's good right."

"That's great, Perry I have to see him"

"J.D I don't think-"

"Please" J.D pleaded. "He's my brother-I have to see him, make sure that he's okay. Please"

Perry looked at the young man and blew out a huge breath. He knew that J.D needed to see if his brother was okay. It would be the only way that he would every truly to able to go to sleep.

"Okay, let me get you a wheelchair"

"Perry I don't need a wheel-"

"No wheelchair, no visit." Perry sternly said as he walked out of the room. A few seconds later, he came back into the room and gestured J.D to the chair. He walked over to J.D, sat him down gently into the chair, and rolled him to Dan's room.

* * *

J.D felt his face become hot as soon as he entered the room. Upon entering the room he saw his brother hooked up to various machines, tubes running everywhere from his arms to his nose. He had his breath as Perry wheeled him closer to the bed and J.D reached out to touch his brother's hand. He laid his head down on the bed and just listened to the sound of the heart monitor and Dan's light breathing. 

"Dan I'm so sorry that this happened to you" J.D whispered to his brother. "I never meant for you to get hurt and I'm really sorry. I want you to know that I will do whatever I can to make this up to you. I know that we have had our differences-I've said some things to you in the past about you never being there for me but those words will never cross my lips again."

By the time J.D, finished talking to his brother his face was wet from tears. He still couldn't believe that his brother was lying in a hospital bed. He would give anything to bring his brother out of this okay but he knew that there would be physical damage as well as emotional damage for the rest of his life.

"It's all my fault" Perry heard J.D cry as he laid his head down on the bed. Perry walked over to him and pulled him into a hug. He continued to cry when Perry lifted him up out of the wheelchair and carried him back to his room. He laid J.D back onto the bed and positioned his body in the bed so that J.D was laying on his chest. Perry ran his fingers through J.D's hair as he let him cry on top of him.

"It's not your fault" Perry replied still holding J.D in his arms. "Everything that happened to you, your brother and everyone else was a result of an insane lunatic who thought it was right to make people suffer to get what he wanted."

"And now he's dead"

Perry felt his heart stop beating when J.D said those words to him. He knew that J.D had to find out the truth sooner or later but he thought it was too soon.

J.D could feel Perry tense up underneath him and pulled away to gaze into the older man's eyes. He could tell that something was off by the way he looked and his reaction to Kenny being dead. J.D knew that something was wrong and he intended to find out what it was.

"What's wrong Perry"

"Um nothing" Perry shrugged as he pulled J.D closer once more but this time the young man resisted.

"Yes it is" J.D replied. "It nothing was wrong how come you tensed up when I said that Kenny was dead. He's dead isn't he"

"Newbie"

"Perry cut the crap, is Kenny dead or not"

Perry lowered his head so he didn't have face J.D. How could he tell him the truth after everything that he had recently gone through. It would be like taking the same knife that Walter used on him to make even fresher wounds in J.D's pale skin. He felt J.D's hand grab onto his tightly causing him to look up at him once more.

"Perry tell me" J.D pleaded in a whisper tone. He needed to know if the man who had tortured and attempted to kill him and his brother was dead and never coming back to hurt him again.

"J.D, Walter" he sighed as he looked towards the ground again. "Walter isn't dead"

"What" gasping as he let go of Perry's hand. "How…how is that possible. I saw him shoot himself; how is that-possible"

"He did shoot himself J.D and I swear if it was any other person they would be dead by now but-but God, God decided that he wasn't ready to take the life of a psychopath so he opted to let him stay on earth a little bit longer"

"But-I saw-"

"I know what you saw J.D and it wasn't enough to kill him." Perry hissed. "He's not dead but he's close to being dead. He's hooked up to a ventilator because he can't breath on his own and is on life support. As soon as we can contact his family and tell them what happened he will be dead by tomorrow."

"Why-why did this happen to me" J.D replied as he began to cry. The fear had returned to once again claim it's place in his heart. Even after everything that he had been through it still was not over and J.D had a feeling that it wouldn't be over for a long time. He just did the next best thing that he could, wrapped his body tightly around Perry's, and hoped that the comfort would be enough for now.

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**Last Comments**

So here it is, my first chapter of my last part of this story. I hope you guys aren't mad that I didn't kill off Kenny but I still have alot I want to do with him so I had to keep him alive for now. A couple of people guessed that I did shoot Dan but I had to do it because Perry would have been to much of easy target. Plus I am thinking to bring their mom into the mix and I can warn you that there will be some mother son issues. I think that this story will have the most chapters than the other stories and I will try to post them on a regualr basis but with school and my job, it might get hard. Still I will do my best to post chapter 2 by Friday since I am off.

Well thanks for reading

"Ricka"


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary: So don't throw eggs at me for being late posting this chapter but with work and school; it can be hard on a 21 year old but what can you say, I signed up for this right. But this chapter is fairly long so hopefully that will make up for it. Hope you like it and if you do, please review. I love them so much it tingles inside; it really does.**

**Now on to the Disclaimer:**

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**Disclaimer: I don't own Scrubs but I wish I did because if I did I would not be in school right now. Damn Political Science classes.**

**Now on to the Review Shout Out Corner**

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**Review Shout Out Corner: This is usually the part when I tell people how much I love their reviews but I don't have time tonight. I have to get up early in the morning to babysit so but next chapter will have a dedication to my beloved fans.**

**Now on to Chapter 2**

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Elliot had come straight to Shady Brooks hospital as soon as she had finished her shift. She had been at the hospital at the time she got the call from Turk concerning J.D whereabouts. She had begged and pleaded with other doctors to swift shifts with her so she could spend the entire day by J.D's side but no one wanted to switch with her. Finally, after using manipulation and persuasion she was able to get a doctor to switch with her. The only thing she had to was promise to go out with the doctor on Saturday but it was worth it to make sure that she had some time with J.D.

She had arrived and entered the room to see a wide-awake J.D in the room by himself. He was looking out the window but jumped as soon as he heard the door creek open. Elliot could see the meek smile that appeared on his face trying to mask the fear that he was feeling earlier.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," Elliot whispered as she made her way inside the room.

"It's okay" J.D smiled back at her. He could tell that she was nervous about being in the room with him and he could say the same thing about himself as well.

"How are you?"

"Better now, you"

"The same"

"Elliot"

"Yeah J.D"

"You can sit down you know" J.D smirked at the nervous girl. His heart bled with affection when he heard a light laugh come from Elliot's lips. J.D watched as she walked over to the chair beside his bed and sat down in it. He could feel her tension as she reached out her hand to touch his and quickly pull it back. Maybe she thought that one touch would hurt him or maybe she saw him as being to fragile to be touch, it did not matter; all that mattered to J.D was the fact that his friend would not touch him. To push aside any negative thoughts she had, he took his own hand and wrapped his fingers around hers.

Elliot smiled when J.D reached out to touch her hand and the next thing she knew, tears were streaming down her face. She had told herself before she had even entered the room that she wouldn't cry but she couldn't help it. The best friend that she every had had been quickly taken from her and when she thought she would never see him again, a miracle happened. He had been found and he was alive; bruised and beaten but alive and that's all she cared about.

"I've missed you" was all she was able to say before sobs took over her speech. J.D didn't say anything but pat the space of the bed next to him, signaling her to climb in with him. He ran his fingers through her messy blonde hair and let her cry on his hospital bed. They stayed like this for a long time before Elliot was even able to speak again.

"I've missed you so much. I was so scared that you were never going to be found; that you were going to be dead before I had a chance to tell you that I love you."

"Elliot"

"It's true J.D" she sniffed as she lifted her head to look up at him. "I love you more than anyone else that I know. I would do anything for you and a part of me wished that we had the stones to make it work because we could have been great together. But for whatever reason we couldn't make it work and I realized that even if I couldn't have you in my life as my lover then I would settle for having you as just a friend."

"I'm sorry for hurting you"

"Don't be sorry just be okay. I can't imagine my life without you and I don't ever want to"

"I will be okay"

"Good" she smiled as she looked up at him again. "So where is your lover?"

"He left to go get some coffee, he didn't get much sleep last night; or any night for that matter" J.D sighed as Elliot laid her head back on his chest. He couldn't help but feel bad that he was the reason that he friends were in this state. Scared for his life, going days without sleeping; it was too much for him. To know that he caused his friends that much pain was hard for him to handle.

"None of us have"

"I'm sorry about that"

"It's not your fault," Elliot whispered. "None of us blame you; we would never blame you for anything"

"_But what if I blame myself" _J.D thought as he just ran his fingers through Elliot's hair.

* * *

Perry had made his way to the ICU unit of the hospital and walked into the occupied room. He had told J.D almost fifteen minutes ago that he was going to get him coffee but he decided to make a detour and he ended up in Walter Adams room. 

He walked into the dark room and turned on the light. What he saw was a limp body lying in a bed, head covered in bandages. The ventilator moved up and down as the heart monitor made the only sound in the room. Walking towards the bed, he moved his face until it was directly above Walter's and a smile curled upon his lips. He didn't want to say it aloud but he was glad that Walter was in this state.

"Hey Walter, how you doing buddy. Not so good huh but considerable well for someone who shot a bullet through his brain but I gotta wonder if you are indeed the spawn of Satan. Because after all that you've done you still seem to come out of everything, okay, like you're unbreakable but guess what. You're not untouchable anymore because tomorrow you still won't be responsive and they will have no choice but to flip the switch. And you know what, when they do; when they take away the very thing that is keeping you alive I will be right here, watching you take your last breath because you deserve it. You deserve to die and you deserve to rot in hell for all eternity for what you've done."

Perry laughed as he moved away from Walter's face and started to pace around the bed. He wished that he could just take the pillow and hold it over Walter's head until he stopped breathing but he knew that he couldn't do that. First of all he was not the killing type and plus he didn't want to lose his medical license over this whole situation; still, he wanted to do something to the dying man.

"You are a sick son of a bitch and by tomorrow, you'll be a dead son of a bitch." Perry snarled as he opened the door to the room. On the way out, he bumped into a nurse that was coming into the room.

"Excuse me sir, you're not supposed to be in here" she replied as she looked at Perry.

"Sorry. I was just leaving." Giving on last look to Walter, Perry walked out of the room and headed straight to the coffee machine.

Five minutes later and two cups of coffee in his hands, he made his way back to J.D's room and heard the voices of Elliot and him screaming at each other.

"Come on J.D what does it feel like."

"Elliot, I'm not tell you; it's personal" J.D screeched as he put the pillow over his head.

"Please tell me. Is he rough, gentle, handsy; tell me anything."

"I'll tell you something Barbie; if you don't quit asking about my love life with Charlotte, I will personally give you a show right here and right now. And to make it even more fun, I'll let you record it on your new video camera phone. Big fun right."

"We weren't even talking about you"

"Then who were you talking about"

"The cute male nurse that came in here to check on J.D." Elliot scoffed as she got up from the bed and grabbed both cups of coffee from Perry's hands. Before Perry had a chance to object she sat back on the bed and handed J.D one cup while drinking out of the other; blowing into first. "He has the most beautiful hands that I have ever seen."

"Barbie who the hell told you to drink my coffee."

"Oh sorry Dr. Cox, it's just I haven't had much sleep and I worked a sixteen hour shift four days straight and lets not forget the hour drive that it takes to get up here and I just thought that-"

"Elliot" J.D finally shrieked as he placed his hand over Elliot's mouth to shut her up. "You're rambling again"

"Sorry I'm just-sorry"

"It's okay and I'm sure that Perry doesn't mind letting you have his coffee." J.D smiled at Perry.

"J.D"

"Oh come on. Elliot really could use some and you know where the machine is so you can go get some more."

"Alright" Perry sighed as he sat back down in the chair next to him. "But you owe me"

"Fine I'll cover a shift for you"

"Not you Blondie" Perry rolled his eyes at Elliot and looked back at J.D. "You owe me"

"Just name the time and the place." J.D smirked as he sipped out of his cup. "Not enough sugar" he replied as he reached into Elliot's purse and pulled out a handful of sugar packets.

"What the he-"

"Elliot keeps spare sugar on her just in case I need it."

"You two need serious help."

"Like you're one to talk" Elliot mumbled as she sipped the coffee.

"What was that Barbie?"

"Nothing Dr. Cox"

"That's what I thought." Perry growled as J.D just laughed at him.

"That's enough children" J.D laughed. "So Perry, what took you so long to get the coffee?"

"I- I um got lost and it took me a while to find the coffee machine" Perry lied.

J.D looked up from his cup and looked at Perry with suspicious eyes. He noticed that the hospital wasn't that big to get lost in and he noticed the tone of Perry's voice. J.D had learned that Perry stuttered whenever he had to make up a lie and his voice also quivered and shook a little bit. He knew that something was off about Perry but he didn't know what it was. J.D decided to drop it for now but he would bring it up later.

"Okay" J.D replied, drinking the coffee again. He was about to say something else when the blonde haired nurse walked through the door again.

"Jason" Elliot yelled as she jumped up from the bed only to spill the coffee all over herself. "Frick" she shrieked as she tired to wipe the coffee off herself. J.D laughed as Jason handed her some towels and watched her wipe up the coffee.

"I didn't mean to scare you" Jason smiled at Elliot. "I just came to tell Mr. Dorian that his brother was awake.

"Dan's awake."

"Yes sir he is"

"Well then you should go see him" Elliot smiled at J.D who already had tears in his eyes.

* * *

J.D was holding on tightly to Perry's arm as he made his way into Dan's room. Perry had offered to let him go into the room on his own but J.D couldn't do it. He knew that he needed someone there for emotional support and Perry wasn't about to leave him now. J.D walked into the room and sharply drew a breath. The tube had been taken out of Dan's mouth and his bed was propped so he was sitting straight up. His body still looked drain from all it' color but J.D didn't care about that. All he cared about was his brother's life and it was still there. 

He let go of Perry's arm and walked over to Dan's bed. They stared at each other for a couple of seconds before J.D leaped and found himself in Dan's arms. More tears escaped his eyes as he felt Dan rub the back of his head and whispered encouraging words into his ears.

"Dan, I'm so sorry" J.D began apologizing to his older brother.

"It's not your fault"

"Yes it is" J.D pulled away screaming. "It's all my fault. You got shot trying to protect me; that makes it my fault."

"J.D you listen to me. None of this is your fault. It was my job as your older brother to protect you and that it means jumping in front of a bullet for you then that's what I'm going to do." Dan replied sternly.

"But you shouldn't have to do that, not for me Dan; not for me."

"You're my brother J.D and if not for you, then who. I love you and I will do whatever I have to protect your life."

"I don't know what to say."

"Say nothing" Dan smiled. "Besides, now I have something to hang over your head for the rest of your life."

"Yeah you do" J.D laughed. "I am forever in your debt. I really don't know what to say" J.D said softly looking into his brother's eyes. Before this happened he had never thought his brother cared that much to take a bullet for him. Now he could tell that his brother loved him. Loved him so much that he was willing to give his life for his and that let J.D know exactly how he felt.

Perry stood across the room and watched as the two brother talked and cried with each other. He was glad that Dan was okay and that J.D was slowly starting to realize that none of this was his fault. He started to leave the room when J.D turned up and looked at him.

"Where are you going"

"Yeah Coxy, trying to sneak out so soon I see."

"Well I-I thought you two could use some alone time."

"Isn't that sweet of you" Dan smirked as he tried to sit up even more. He hissed as pain traveled through his body.

"Dan, stop trying to sit up"

"I'm sorry but-" Dan began to say but something stopped him.

J.D looked at his brother, trying to figure out what was wrong. He looked down at the hospital gown and noticed that he wasn't bleeding so the problem couldn't be his wound. All he could tell was that his brother face became one that was pale and full of confusion.

"Dan, tell me what's wrong"

"Johnny I can't-"

"Can't what. Dan tell me what's wrong with you. Do you need a doctor, are you having trouble breathing. Are-"

"Johnny I can't…I can't feel my legs."

The words hit J.D like a blow to the stomach. He looked his brother in his face and could see that he was on the brink of tears. The room started to spin as he realized that everything that was happening was his fault. He felt his body began to uncontrollably shake as his stomach felt like it was being ripped into two separate pieces. Not being able to control his body he lurched towards the direction of the bathroom and barely making it to the urinal to empty all the contents that was in his stomach.

Throwing up until he couldn't throw up any more, he slid down the wall of the cold linoleum bathroom. He cried as the concept of his brother never walking again entered his mind. Dan took the bullet that was meant to kill him and now, because of that, he might be disabled forever. He didn't know why but the next thing he knew he was banging his fist against the mirror.

The glass broke into a thousand pieces, some embedding into his wrist but he didn't feel it. He was too wrapped up thinking that his brother was going to be crippled because of him. The blood ran down his arms as he used it to wipe his mouth and fell down on to the cold floor in a fetal position and let the tears fall from his eyes. That is how Perry found him two minutes later and that's the last thing he remembered before falling into a restless sleep.

* * *

Perry sat in J.D's room holding his hand, hands still covered in J.D's blood. He still couldn't believe how weak the boy looked even in his sleep. Elliot had left a couple of minutes ago having been called back to the hospital. Even though she tried everything she could to stay she couldn't because they were already short on doctors. Kelso had tried to get him to cut in but a harsh no was all Kelso got from Perry before he hung up the phone. He wasn't about to leave J.D when he needed him the most. 

He brushed J.D's hair out of his eyes as he thought about the young man's brother. After he fell asleep Dan's doctor was called in to talk to him about what was going on. Perry had come back into the room just as the doctor began talking. He started to leave when Dan asked him stay.

"_J.D's okay" he quickly stated when he entered the room. "I asked the nurse to give him a sedative and he's asleep for now." He looked back and forth between Dan and the doctor before getting uncomfortable. "Maybe I should go-"_

"_No, stay" Dan pleaded. "I need someone to translate the bullshit the doctors going to try and feed me."_

_Perry didn't know what to do but Dan looked like he could use a friend, or just another person in the room with him. Sighing, he shook his head yes and sat down in the chair next to the bed._

Perry knew that he should have left the room when he wanted to but something about Dan's eyes made him stay. Maybe because they reminded him of J.D and it was then he knew that he had to stay; not for Dan's sake but for J.D's. J.D would want someone there to support his brother.

"_So give it to me straight doc, why can't I feel my legs"_

"_Well Mr. Dorian"_

"_Call me Dan"_

"_Okay then, Dan" the doctor frowned as he flipped through the papers on the chart. "As you know the bullet pierced a small part of your heart and barely missed hitting your spine."_

"_Okay"_

"_Well because of this damage their has some swelling of the spine. There is also some fluids surrounding the spine suppressing your vertebrae; stopping it from sending signals to your brain."_

"_So that means-"_

"_That means that after we operate to remove the fluid and the swelling goes down there is a good chance that you can make a full recovery."_

"_Perry please translate."_

"_What the man is saying Dan is that you need surgery and then maybe just maybe, after shitloads of therapy, you'll be able to walk again."_

"_How much therapy" Dan whispered._

"_We try not to give a time period because people recover diff-"_

"_How much therapy."_

"_It could range anywhere from three months to a total of twelve." the doctor sighed regretfully._

_Perry watched Dan take a deep breath and lay his head back on his pillow. He knew how hard it was to give horrible news to a patient but to have that news given to someone that he knew, someone that J.D loved; it was too much for him to deal with at the movement and he quickly left the room. _

He remembered walking back into J.D's room and just sitting back in the chair beside his bed. Perry knew that he would have to tell J.D the news about his brother's condition. He also knew that J.D would start blaming himself again like he was before and there was no telling what he would do to himself.

He looked down at the wrapped wrist that he wrapped himself, after carefully taking the sharp pieces of glass out. Perry looked down at the shirt that he was wearing and saw the stains of blood that covered it. His mind slipped back to how the shirt got that way.

_Dan and Perry had watched J.D run into the bathroom and slam the door behind him. Neither of them knew that to do and Perry decided not to follow him. He was about to say to Dan when they heard the banging and glass shattering to the ground. Perry quickly ran to the bathroom and pushed the door open to find J.D on the floor, blood all around him. _

"_J.D, what the hell" he whispered as he picked J.D up off the floor._

"_I'm sorry-it's…all my fault. Everything is my fault" was all that J.D said over and over again as he struggled in Perry's arms, blood staining his clothes in the process._

"_Perry what happened" Dan shrieked as Perry began walking out of the room. He didn't answer him, he just wanted to get J.D back to his room. He laid J.D back on the bed and called for a nurse to come into the room._

"_It's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault" J.D kept saying to himself when the nurse came in with a sedative and bandages. Perry stuck the needle into J.D's neck and watched the young man calm down. He went to leave J.D's side to get up and close the door but he suddenly stopped when something grabbed his hands._

"_Don't leave me" J.D hazily said as he latched his hand onto Perry's. "You can't ever leave me"_

"_I'm not going anywhere" Perry whispered back as he sat back down and grabbed the bandages. _

He looked down at the bandages and saw some red on them. He knew that he would need some clean ones so he gently took J.D's hand from his and walked to go get some.

* * *

Opening his eyes for the third time that day, J.D noticed that he was alone in the room. He looked down at his wrist and saw the bloody bandages that were wrapped around his hands. Doing this helped him remember how he got that way and he could feel the tears coming into his eyes. 

"_Are we going to cry again because I've got to say, it's getting rather tiresome." _a voice scoffed on the other side of the room. J.D turned to see the imaginary figure back again, smiling at him.

"You can't be here" J.D found himself saying to the ghost. "You're not real"

"_Are we still on that." _he laughed back. _"I told you before; I am real."_

"No you're not. You're just a projection that my mind has begun to use to process what happened to me. But I don' need you because I have friends who are going to help me through this."

"_That's a bunch of bull and you know it. Tell me J.D, where are your friends now."_

"They're- they're-"

"_Not here" _he yelled this time. _"They're not here because they don't give a damn about you, about us."_

"You're wrong. Perry hasn't left my side, not once." J.D cried as he tried to get up out the bed but he felt himself fall back on the bed; his shadow self standing in front of him.

"_Oh really" _the figured smiled back. _"Then where is he because he's certainly isn't here"_

"He's here"

"_He's where J.D-huh because I sure as hell don't see him anywhere, do you. Come one out Per bear, Johnny needs you." _J.D heard him yell sarcastically into the room_. "I guess he stepped out for a moment or forever but who knows."_

"_I'll tell you where he is because the truth is simple." _he smiled at his counterpart_. "The truth is that he left. He couldn't deal with your constant whining and wallowing so he decided to go back to his real family and forget that you ever existed. He doesn't want anything to do with you and you pathetic existence."_

"You're lying"

"_Am I. Did you really think that Perry would actually stay with someone as broken as you. You cause destruction everywhere you go and you are just a disaster waiting to happen."_

"Go away" J.D hissed at himself as he got up from the bed.

"_I can't go away J.D because you keep calling out to me", _he laughed back. _"And pretty soon, I'm going to be the only one left."_

The room felt as though it was spinning as J.D gripped the side of his bed. He opened his mouth to speak but he couldn't hear the sounds that came out. He felt his chest fill with air but for some reason he couldn't breath. White light burst behind his pupils as he fell to the floor. The laughing was the only sound that filled his ears as he was surrounded by the darkness.

What seemed like an eternity later, J.D managed to open his eyes and saw Perry leaning over him; fear evident in his eyes. Next to Perry was J.D's doctor that had been checking on him regulars since he had been admitted, worry evident on his face.

"Thank God" the man mumbled as he pressed a kiss across J.D's lips. J.D took the moment to let himself be lost in the kiss before he broke the moment by talking. He tried to savor the flavor of Perry's mouth before the older man broke away from the kiss and looked back at his face.

"What happened", J.D whispered when he finally opened his mouth to speak.

"You must have woken up when I left out because the nurses said that they heard you screaming at someone. I rushed back in here to hear you yelling about me leaving you" Perry whispered back at his young lover. "Who were you yelling at"

"I don't remember" J.D lied, not wanting Perry to know that he was talking to himself. They would want to put him on meds, think he was psychotic or something and he didn't need to be drugged up anymore than he already had been.

"The doctor thinks that you were having an episode and wants to know if you want any meds."

"No" J.D said strongly. "I don't want any medicine, I'm fine"

"Mr. Dorian I think-"

"He said that he doesn't want anything" Perry growled as he stood up to the doctor. J.D inwardly smiled at the protectiveness that Perry was showing towards him. He gripped the older doctor's hand which caused him to turn around and look at him. "Are you alright", he asked.

"Yes I am, I just-I don't want any medicine"

"That is perfectly fine with me Mr. Dorian and I wanted to let you know that you are well enough now to return home but-"

"But what"

"As you know that it is hospital policy that you have a psychiatric evaluation before releasing you from the hospital. So I have scheduled to have a session tomorrow and if all goes well, you will be discharged by tomorrow evening"

"What about my brother"

"I explained to your brother the extremity of his situation and he is taking all the necessary preparations that he needs to take if he wants to walk again."

"Ag-again"

"Your brother has fluid around his spine and some swelling has occurred. We'll know more when we do the surgery to decrease the swelling."

"Then he'll walk again."

"The odds are in his favor but nothing is a hundred percent guaranteed." the doctor frowned.

"I want him transferred to Sacred Heart."

"Excuse me" the doctor asked bewildered. "Shady Oaks is a good hospital and I-"

"It's not about being a good hospital" J.D snarled as he sat up on the bed, his hand never letting go of Perry's. "It's about me being discharged and being able to take care of my brother and that will be nearly impossible to do when I am an hour away"

The doctor realized that J.D was right and simply nodded his approval before leaving the room. J.D laid back down in the bed and closed his eyes. He moved over to the left signaling Perry to join him on the bed, which he did. He felt himself falling to sleep again and even though Perry was right beside him, comforting him; fear had found a place back inside his heart again.

* * *

So there is chapter 2 and I hope you like the thing with Dan; didn't I tell you it wasn't over. Neither is the drama with Kenny, he will still have his hold on J.D; even if he's close to death. J.D's mother and new therapist will also make an appearance as well as J.D # 2. Hope everyone enjoyed it. Again sorry about it being late but I can't help it, my schedule is very hectic right now. I really want to get chapter 3 up by Sunday because I am off and have no homework due so bare with me and pray that I have the time Sunday to post it. Thanks 

"Ricka"


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary:** **So I know that it's late but it's better late than never right. Besides, it took me a while but I can already see that this story will be way longer than my other two so stay with me. It may take a while, but I will get to the end and all will be right with the world or at least my world anyway. **

**Warning: This is a slash story. There may not be any slash at this present moment but trust me it will get there. If you are not a fan of it, please don't read and write me about it later because I sure as hell will not listen, thanks**

**Anyway on to the disclaimer**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything that has to do with Scrubs but I girl can dream can't she.**

**Now on to the Review Shout Out Corner**

* * *

**Review Shout Out Corner:**

**Now I know this is the part where I shout out all my reviews but I keep forgetting to do but I promise next chapter I will. I will also dedicate it to one of my loyal readers so if you review alot then you could be a runner-up.**

**Now on to Chapter 3**

* * *

**Chapter 3**

* * *

Officer Timmons looked at the Dorian file that had lay open on his desk. It had been three days since he found the young man and every since then it had been hectic. He felt relieved that they had found J.D in time but he couldn't help but feel guilt swell up in his heart. If he hadn't allowed Dan to come along then he would have never gotten shot. He ached to pick up the phone, call and see how they were doing; if they were alright but he couldn't do it, for fear of being blamed. 

His mind drifted to the night they caught Walter. They had found the little girl unconisous in one of the rooms but it was later determined that she was going to be alright although she may suffer from a concusion. Finally they entered into the man's room and were surprised by what they saw. They saw the room covered with pictures not only of the Dorian kid but of some other man that he assumed as Steven. Timmons immediately figured out why J.D might have been chosen as the target because from far away the two men had many similarities. Both men had jet black hair and sparkling blue eyes and had they had an innocent look about them.

Another thing about the room was it was wired with eletronic gadgets. He had a multitude of police scanners and cameras that appeared to be every where in the house. There was even one that was watching the basement, that's how they could tell the rest of the house was empty. That's how they knew to widen their search to the surrounding areas. Even though he felt a twinge of guilt about what happened to Dan, he couldn't help but be relived that they had found J.D in time before he ended up like Steven.

Even though he hadn't called to check up on J.D or his brother, he had kept a watchful eye on Walter. So far the reports indicated that brain damage was too severe and the probability of waking up was slim to none. The hospital had a three day policy that stated a person would be taken off all life support if there wasn't any family to stop the hospital from doing so. So that meant that some time tomorrow, Walter Adams would be dead; never being able to harm another living person.

"_Bastard deserves it" _he thought to himself as he closed the file and got up to place it in his file cabinet. Another monster had been stopped and another had been saved. He grabbed his jacket in preparation to leave when his ringing phone stopped him in the process.

"Timmons speaking" answering when he picked up the phone.

"Officer Timmons, this is Robert Every and I need to speak with you regarding my client Walter Adams."

"Client, what is this about."

"I am here to inform you that Walter Adams can not be taken off of life support tomorrow and I need police escorts to transfer him back to Sacred Hospital."

"Are you serious."

"Yes I am Officer Timmons" the voice replied nonchalantly. "My client has it perfectly stated in his will that if anything were to happen to him he wanted to be taken care of at Sacred Heart. He also stated that his Power of Attorney is the only one that can take him off of life support."

"Well tell me mister Every, who exactly is his power of attorney so I can inform them of the person that Walter really was" Timmons shrieked over the receiver. A punch gut feeling overtook his body and he fell back down in his chair; listening to what Robert was telling him. He had never been placed in a situation like this before and he didn't know how the hell he was going to get out of it. If the will was legit then he would have no choice but follow out its every word.

"Alright" was all he could say as he hung up the phone. Timmons sighed as he got up from his desk and went back to the file cabinet; taking out the Dorian file once again. The case that he thought was over had once again, become open whether he liked it or not.

* * *

J.D tapped his foot impatiently as he sat in the psychiatrist office. He didn't know why he was being impatient, after all he was the one early but he shot it off as just being nerves. 

The sound of the door opening caused J.D to look up the figure entering the room. He looked to see a African-American woman sit down in the chair in front of him. She had mocha brown skin and long shiny black hair that was pulled up in a neatly wrapped bun. Her face harbored soft hazel eyes and glasses were on the brim of her nose. She immediately began writing in her yellow notepad and looked up at J.D with a crooked smile.

"Sorry I'm late" she replied as she held out her hand and crossing her long slender legs, speaking with a slight English accent. "I'm Dr. Kathleen Richards but I prefer you call me Dr. Richards."

"No need to be sorry, I'm actually early" he smiled in return as he shook her hand. The smile faded, however when Dr. Richards quickly removed her hand from his.

"Nonsense. I have a policy to always arrive earlier than my patients. It gives me more time to study my clients and reread the charts given to me by the doctors."

"What am I, a lab rat" J.D joked but it feel on dead ears because Dr. Richards just ignored him. "You get it. Study-lab rats-"

"I get it Mr. Dorian it's-"

"Please call me J.D"

"I prefer to call you Mr. Dorian." she replied with a straight face and returning to look back down at her notepad. "I don't want to give you the illusion that we are friends or anything of the sort."

"What I-"

"When we are inside this room we are nothing more than a psychiatrist and a patient. Outside this room we may learn to become friends but I highly doubt it."

"Why don't you want us to be friends." J.D asked curiously. He was no stranger to women who like things done their way and didn't care about anything else but in the end they always learned to see him as a person but he had a feeling that Kathleen would never see him as a person; just a body that was in need of help.

"Because Mr. Dorian" she sighed annoyed, looking up at him again. Anger and annoyance evident in her eyes, scaring J.D even more. "If I were to give you the perception that we were friends you would find a need to be compassionate towards me, respect my feelings but I don't want that. I want you to be as open and honest with me, tell me how you feel. Like for instance if I am acting like a bitch, tell me; trust me, I don't mind. I get told that a lot."

"I bet you do" J.D muttered under his breath but Dr. Richards still heard him.

"And the same goes for me" she snapped, taking her glasses off her face and placing them on her lap. "I will not bullshit with you at any point of our sessions"

"Sessions" J.D scoffed as her as he crossed his legs. It was a well know fact that he wasn't a fan of therapist and he didn't plan on seeing another one as long as he lived. "This is the only session that we are going to have Dr. Richards. I'm only doing this to get discharged, remember hospital policy."

"I've seen your type come into my office before. They put on this façade and pretend that they're okay but in reality they're not. They hide it so well that when finally have their breakdown, sometimes resulting in suicide, their friends always say "I never saw it coming" and you my friend fit the bill."

"I thought I wasn't your friend" J.D smirked at the woman who simply scowled in return.

"You're not but it still doesn't exclude that you are no where near being fine. I mean after the experience that you went through, still going through in fact, it will be best if you are honest with yourself now."

"There is nothing to be honest about, I'm fine"

"Fine." Dr. Richards smirked. "Tell me Mr. Dorian, how does someone who was held captive and during that time was brutally beaten, burned, cut, and raped come out fine. How does a man watch his captor shoot his own flesh and blood and then shoots himself come out fine. It just doesn't make sense if you ask me. You've had patients that were admitted after being sexually assaulted and did they seem fine to you"

"No they do-"

"So what makes you think that three days after being rescued I would view you as fine. How could you be fine after a man that you trusted did unspeakable things to you including drugging and rapping you."

"I don't know-" J.D stuttered, gripping the seat of his chair so hard that it would leave indents into them. He shifted his body away from the vicious doctor and began to stare out the window.

"That's right, you don't know; in fact you assumed that I would believe it when you said that you were fine. You know what makes you different from any other patient that I've ever had."

"What" J.D gulped, refusing to look Dr. Richards in her eyes for fear that she would see right through him.

"Absolutely nothing" Dr. Richards smiled at J.D causing his stomach to twist into knots.

She knew that she was coming off as a hardass but she had no choice. It was the best approach she had to get inside the head of her patients. If they viewed her as friendly she would never get to the bottom of what was going on with them. She wanted to be the best in the field and being the bitch of the hospital was getting her there. She looked at her watch and realized that their time together had run out.

"Oh look we're out of time."

"But what about me. I thought you were supposed to talk about my feelings" J.D replied angrily." "We didn't even talk about what happened."

"What is there to talk about; you were going to lie to me anyways, were you not."

"No I wasn't, I-"

"Like I said before Mr. Dorian, if you are going to sit and lie to my face about your true feelings then I am not going to waste my time or yours. So when you are ready to talk then have the nurse at the front desk give you my number."

"But what about me being discharged" practically yelling as he straightened up in the chair. "I haven't been home in almost two weeks and I would like to go back."

"Don't worry Mr. Dorian, I will let Dr. Harrison know that you mentally stable to return home"

"And work"

Kathleen looked at J.D and could tell that he was eager to go back to work, to be useful again but she didn't know if he would be able to do so; at least not yet. She knew that even though he wanted to return to society again she had no choice but to give him her honest opinion.

"Mr. Dorian I am not going to lie to you. I don't think you are stable enough to go back to work just yet. I also recommend that you see another psychiatrist and attend weekly sessions before you return back to work but that's just my recommendation."

"I told you, I don't need weekly sessions or any anti-depressant pills. I just need to get back to my life and become normal again." snapping as he got up from his chair and began to walk out of the door.

Kathleen watched him walk out of the office and she realized that the battle with her newest patient would be more trouble than she had earlier expected. She sighed as she got up from her chair and sat back down behind her desk, calling her assistant to cancel her next appointment. It was only eleven o'clock in the morning but she was already drained and she needed to find a way to get J.D to open up to her; even if he didn't want to.

Sweat poured from J.D's face as he ran all the way to the bathroom. Collapsing as soon as he entered the empty stall he couldn't stop the tears that were falling from his eyes. The salty taste were on the corners of his mouth and his breathing became rigid. His heart was pounding inside his chest and his body began to shake. J.D turned his body around so that his head was directly over the toilet and it was there that he threw up the contents that was in his stomach.

"Are you alright" a panicked voice asked him from outside the door. Wiping his mouth with the back of his sleeve he pulled himself off the floor and opened the door. He came face to face with a young girl who appeared to be a candy stripper.

"Yeah, I'm alright"

"You do know that you're in the women's bathroom."

"What" J.D stuttered as he looked around the room. Sure enough the room was covered in pink wallpaper and was decorated with flowers everywhere. His face turned red as he quickly moved away from the stall.

"Are you sure you're okay"

"I'm fine" J.D snapped as he pushed past the young girl and made his way out of the bathroom. He decided that he didn't want to go back to his room right away and made his way to the elevator. The roof was exactly where he needed to go to clear his head.

* * *

Checking his watch for the fourth time, Perry got up from his chair and looked out the door. He had been waiting for J.D to come back but his session was going longer than expected. He was about to leave the room when someone expected came in before he could leave. 

"Hello Perry"

"Jordan, what are you doing here"

"Are you aware that you haven't called in almost three days to check on your son." she growled as she moved closer to Perry. "What the hell were you thinking"

"I was thinking that J.D would need someone here with him."

"What about your son. You can't just forget about him because your entertaining chimp lands in the hospital." hissing as she pushed Perry in his chest.

"I do care about my son" Perry yelled back as he moved away from Jordan.

"Then why haven't you called, why haven't you come home."

"Because J.D needed me"

"And your son doesn't" Jordan replied as she moved over to Perry, grabbing his wrist to make him turn around and look at her. "Look Perry, if you want to be with that fucking little intern of yours then that's fine, but he better not become between you and Jack because I am not raising that little brat by myself. So you better get your ass together quickly before I start to raise hell for you and you bet your sweet ass that is something you do not want; got it. Oh and by the way, I'm staying at my mother's."

Perry opened his mouth to say something but it was too late, Jordan had already made his way out of the room. She had been right, he had been neglecting Jack lately because of J.D. It wasn't like it was on purpose, he was new to this supportive role and didn't know how to balance quite yet.

* * *

Perry took a seat back in the chair when J.D came back into the room. He could see the tension on his face and knew that something had gone wrong. J.D moved towards that bed and sat beside Perry, grabbing his hand in the process. 

"What's wrong"

"Jordan came by"

"Oh" J.D whispered. "She must have been upset."

"More like pissed off." Perry sighed as he pulled J.D forward, motioning him to sit on his lap. J.D moved from the bed and position himself so that he was sitting directly in Perry's lap and laid his head to his chest. "She's upset that I haven't been spending time with Jack lately."

"Because of me"

"No, not because of you"

"Perry" sitting up so he could stare the older man in the eye. "How can you say that. You are sitting in this hospital with me instead of being at home with your son all because of me."

"J.D"

"You should go home."

Hearing those words, Perry sat straight up in the chair and pulled J.D closer to him. "What"

"Perry, your son needs you more than I need you right now. I'll be fine"

"J.D I don't think"

"Please stop worrying about me" laughing as he moved back to the bed. It was comforting to him to hear the worry in Perry's voice about him when it seemed like just months ago he hated the him. "I fine, I'm not going anywhere. Besides, I'm getting discharged tomorrow and Dan is being transferred to Sacred Heart tomorrow and pretty soon I'll be working again."

"How soon"

"I don't know" he shrugged. "As soon as Kelso clears me, I guess. I've never been a situation like this before so I don't know the process."

"Do you think that's wise"

"What do you mean wise. You don't think I should go back to work."

"No, that's not what I meant…I just-" Perry voiced as he got up from the chair and began to walk around the room. "I just don't want you to rush back into anything if you're not ready for it."

"What makes you think that I'm not ready" anger evident in his voice. He already had to deal with that bitch of a therapist telling him he needed to not work for a while, he didn't want to deal with Perry's patronizing either.

"I'm just saying that maybe you need more time off before you go back to work."

"I don't need more time"

"I'm not saying you do I'm just-"

"Look I don't need your help okay. How about you just leave and go see about your son." J.D snapped back as he laid back down on the bed. He knew that his words sounded harsh but he didn't know how else to say what he felt.

Perry looked at J.D and could see that the young man was getting anger. Biting his bottom lip, he realized that he didn't want to make J.D more upset then he already was so he decided not say anything else. Instead he grabbed his coat from the chair and made his way out of the door. He heard J.D turn his body on the bed and didn't say anything as he left out of the room.

* * *

J.D heard the door close and he left a long hurtful breath. He didn't know why he said what he said but now, he regretted every word. He realized that this would be the first night that he was alone since being found. Pulling his pillow underneath his chin he began to cry softly. 

Some minutes later, after wiping the leftover tears from his eyes, he got up from his bed. He decided to go back onto the roof to clear his mind when he turned the corner as he saw a patient being wheeled out of a room. J.D looked at the patient and realized that it was Kenny.

His heart began pounded furiously in his chest as he ran up to the nurse that was wheeling him out.

"What are you doing with him."

"I'm sorry sir, are you a doctor here"

"I thought he was supposed to be taken off life support." J.D replied ignoring her question.

"Well he isn't, in fact he's being transferred to Sacred Heart Hospital for the rest of recovery.

"What"

"He's being transferred to Sacred Heart Hospital. According to his will that is where he wants to be until he is taken off his life support."

The words stung J.D as the nurse spoke her words. He felt his heart begin to beat profusely in his chest as his breathing became irregular. He hands jerked forth and he grabbed the nurse to spin her around.

"Sir let me go"

"No, he can't be going to Sacred Heart" J.D screamed at her, shaking her violently. Hellfire anger came out of his mouth as he pushed her against the wall. "He should be dead for what he's done to me."

"Sir please let me go." the nurse whimpered, somewhat afraid of what was going on.

J.D let go of the nurse and as she fell to the floor he went over to Kenny's bed who was in the middle of the hallway. Anger filled his soul as he went forward to grab any plug that was connected to Kenny but before he could he felt someone grab him from behind.

Perry had left J.D's room, still hurt by the words that were exchanged between the two. He was almost out of the hospital when he realized that he had forgotten his keys. He also realized that didn't want to leave things the way there were unsettled. It had been a problem that had caused the separation between him and Jordan and he didn't want it to cause him and J.D any problems.

He opened the door to the room and found it empty, making his heart sink lower in his stomach. Grabbing his keys from the table, he walked out of the room and decided to go check on Walter, to see if they had turned off his machines yet. He turned the corner and was surprised to see J.D pinning a nurse up against the wall, screaming at her. Perry ran down the hallway just as J.D had let go of the nurse and went to grab for Walter. Reaching out his arms, he was able to grab J.D before he had a chance to touch any of the equipment.

"J.D stop it"

"Let me go" J.D screamed as he reached towards Kenny again. "That bastard deserves to be dead for what he did to me. He should fucking die for what he did to Dan, you and everyone else that I care about."

"This isn't the way."

"Let me fucking go dammit," Struggling against the hold, he reached out ago but he felt his body being jerked in the opposite direction. He couldn't back the tears as he fell to the floor.

"J.D"

"How can I go back to work with him there Perry" asking through the tears. "How can I move on if he is going to be there every single day, haunting me."

"You can do this" Perry reassured him, holding him closely.

"I can't…I can't do this" J.D choked through the tears. "I can't let him hurt me anymore"

"And he won't, I promise. I promise that I'm not going anywhere."

"You can't leave me" J.D pleaded as he pulled on Perry tighter. "You can't leave me, please don't leave me. Don't leave me."

"I will never leave you" Perry whispered to J.D as continued to cry in his arms. He hated to see J.D so broken and it tore his heart into pieces seeing someone that he loved so much so damaged. He hated it more that the person that had caused this damage would be a face he had to see almost everyday at the hospital.

* * *

Picking J.D up from the ground, he walk the young man to his room and laid him on the bed. J.D reached out and grabbed his hands before he could walk away and Perry laid down on the bed beside J.D, wrapping his free arm the sobbing young man. 

"I thought that I could get over this-but I can't" J.D sobbed. "I thought that I-I thought I could move on but I can't. I need help."

"And you do have help. You have me, you will always have me."

"Please don't leave me"

"I won't, I promise"

Twenty minutes later Perry had moved his body away from the sleeping J.D and grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket. Leaving the room, he intended to call Jordan and tell her what happened when Dr. Harrison came in the room, restraints in his hand.

"What are those for"

"Aren't you aware that Mr. Dorian attacked one of the nurses. This is standard procedure for the safety of this hospital, staff and as well as the other patients."

"Patients, you can't be talking about Walter can you"

"Mr. Dorian tried to forcefully remove him from his life support system which without it will kill him."

"He supposed to be dead already, not transferring to the place where he works and visits on a daily basis."

"Dr. Cox, there is nothing I can do about that" Dr. Harrison replied as he walked over to J.D's bed. "If there was I would but-"

"Why haven't you taken him off life support yet."

"What"

"You heard me" Perry hissed, walking towards the other doctor and grabbing his wrist. He knew something was going on and he was going to find out. "Why haven't you taken him off life support if you have a three day policy."

"Dr. Cox, I'm not at liberty to say-"

"You are about five seconds away from landing in one of these hospitals beds yourself if you don't tell me what the fuck is going on. Why isn't that menace already down at the morgue getting the blood sucked out of him and being prepared to be buried eight feet under the ground, after I kick him down two more feet that is." Perry ranted as he pulled the doctor closer.

"Alright, fine" Dr. Harrison sighed as he jerked his hand away. He knew that the truth was going to come out sooner or later and he really didn't want to be the one to tell them what was really going on. "The reason that Mr. Adams hasn't been taken off of life support is because his Power of Attorney hasn't given the go ahead."

"So call them up, tell them what happened, and take the bastard off; it really isn't that hard."

"I can't tell the power of attorney what happened because they too, are under medical care. In fact they don't know they are the power of attorney to Mr. Adams."

Perry felt himself becoming confused by what the doctor was saying. What were the chances that Walter and his Power of Attorney were both in need of medical attention; and was it possible for someone to not know they were the power of attorney for someone else. He opened his mouth to say something else when he noticed Dr. Morris face. His eyes leaked with sadness when he looked down at J.D sleeping on the bed. That's when it hit power and he realized what the doctor had been telling him.

"Are you telling me-"

"Yes" he sadly frowned. "Mr. Dorian was named the Power of Attorney for Mr. Adams. I'm so sorry." He went to put the restraints on J.D before Perry took them away from him and put them on himself.

Perry watched the doctor leave the room before he looked back at J.D. How was he going to tell the kid that he was the bridge between life and death for someone had maliciously hurt him and tried to kill him. He knew that this would be the icing on the cake and J.D would become a time bomb; one that if went off, would be very deadly for himself and those around him.

* * *

What the freak did I just do. Did I just make J.D the one who has to pull Walter's switch to kill him. Will he or won't he, that is my question. I also love the bitchy therapist I put in my story because she has a part of my personality in her so trust she will be making more appearences as well as J.D's mother. I also already have chapter four written out so it will be posted no later than Tuesday after school and it will finally have some man on man action in it. Yeah me so please stay tuned for more. 

"Ricka"


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary: So I know that this chapter is really late but I didn't forget about it. I have just been so busy with work and school as always but the good thing is that summer school is almost over, six days left, and as soon as it is over I will have ample amount of time to write more. Just because of this, I made chapter four really long and I even gave you the male on male action I promised.**

**Well on to the Disclaimer**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I do not own Scrubs because if I did, season six wouldn't have been as depressing as it was.**

**Now on to the Review Shout Out Corner.**

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**Review Shout Out Corner: **

**I know it has been a while since I last did this but today I needed to show some love to my fans by doing this. Hope you like it and please review more, I really love that and it would make my birthday weekend even more special. (Yes my birthday was yesterday and I am the 22; I know I'm old.)**

**Personal.Vendetta:** **Well if you eat angst for breakfast, you must be absolutely full because there is angst everywhere on this site. Thanks for being such a loyal fan and don't worry, there will be plenty of angst coming out at you from every corner.**

**  
****psychotic KAT: ****Mistress huh, I like it. Pretty soon I am going to kill the wife and husband and then it will be only me left (ha, ha, ha; cough, sorry something got caught in my throat during my evil laugh). Thanks for reading it and there will be pretty more to come. Stay tuned.**

**XAngst-PrincessX****Thanks, I love your work as well.**

**wildefire****I'm sorry that I made you cry and thanks for the compliments. I take my writing very seriously and try to do my best so I appreciate the reviews. Oh and by the way, it's not sick that you like when your favorite character gets hurt because sometimes I feel the same way. If you are a pyscho then so am I and I don't mind one bit; we can be pyschos together.**

**The pills go in your mouth****Thanks for the compliments, I eat them like cookies.**

**Dingus485: ****Thanks and I would never kill Perry off in a story, well at least not this one. Thanks for reading them and hope you enjoy the third one. **

**Now I would like to dedicate this chapter to Personal Vendetta because they have been a loyal fan and reviewer since day one so (hands the mike to Personal.Vendetta who smiles back at me politely), "Take it Away."**

**Personal.Vendetta (cries as they grab the mike from my hands.) "Thank you so much Eccarter, it is such an honor. And now ladies and gentlemen, Chapter Four of My Final Battle.; put your hands together and enjoy the story!"**

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**Chapter 4**

* * *

Turk looked around the empty room and sighed a breath of relief. There was once a time when he thought that his best friend would never occupy it again but never again. His friend was coming home today and Turk couldn't do anything but be grateful. 

Once he had gotten the call from Perry telling him about J.D's discharge, he had been cleaning every inch of his room. He had done all the laundry so he would have clean clothes to wear and fixed his room the exact way he preferred it to be. He was so busy getting ready for J.D's arrival that he hadn't slept at all the night before, no matter how Carla tried to persuade him to come to bed. He also switched his shifts so he would have the entire day off to spend with J.D.

He sat down on the neatly made bed and picked up a pictured he had framed for J.D's homecoming. It was a picture of them graduating med school. That was one of the best days of their lives and Turk wanted to let J.D know that they would have more days like that again. He also wanted him to know that he would be there for him through anything.

Placing the picture down and realized that it was almost nine-o'clock. He left out of the room and went to go get Carla. Carla had insisted on going since she was the only one who hadn't seen J.D since he had been found. She had bribed another nurse into covering for so she could go and had been up since seven trying to get ready.

"Babe you ready?"

"Just give me a sec okay." Carla called back to him. A couple minutes later, she came out of the room, a bright smile on her face. "I can't believe I get to see J.D today, I'm so excited."

"Me too baby, me too" Turk smiled back as he grabbed the keys from the table and placed one hand around her waist. "Let's go bring J.D home."

* * *

J.D opened his eyes and saw Perry sleeping a chair next to him. He tried to lift his hands to rub his eyes when he realized that they had been restrained. Seeing the black ropes, his memories of the night before flooded back to him, reminding him of what he had done. 

"Oh my God." he replied loudly, enough to wake Perry up from his sleep. Perry immediately walked over the bed and bed and took the restraints a loose, placing a kiss on J.D's forehead before he sat down on the bed himself.

"How you feeling?"

"How am I feeling?" J.D scowled at him, rubbing is wrist. "I attacked a nurse, I can't believe that I attacked a nurse."

"J.D it's not your fault."

"It was my fault Perry, don't start telling me that. I wasn't dope on any medicines that made me go crazy, I saw Kenny and I attacked an innocent nurse; how is that not my fault."

"J.D I-"

"Just drop okay," J.D snapped as he laid back down on the bed. "I don't need you to tell me anything else so why don't you leave me alone."

Perry opened his mouth to tell J.D about Walter, feeling that he deserved to know the truth but he found he couldn't. J.D was already going through so much and more bad news would destroy him. He sighed as he got up from the bed and went to sit back in his chair.

J.D felt small shivers all over his body after he spat out his venomous words. He knew that Perry was just trying to make him feel better and he didn't have the right to explode the way he did. Sighing, he got up from the bed and made his way over to Perry; walking until he was directly in front of the older man before crouching down in front of him.

"I'm sorry."

"J.D, it's okay."

"No it's not" J.D replied, pulling Perry's hand into his. "You were just trying to help and I shouldn't take my anger out on you, you don't deserve that."

"Really, it's alright; I've heard worse, been worse." Perry shrugged but not turning his attention away from the window. He feared that J.D might think it was because of him but it wasn't. The real reason that Perry couldn't look at J.D was the fact that he didn't know if he could keep the secret if he did.

"No it's not alright. I know that you just want to be there for me and instead of pushing you away I should be pulling you closer."

"Let's just change the subject okay."

"Okay." J.D sighed as he went back to his bed, still feeling bad for what he said earlier but thought it would be best to just put it aside for now. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Your brother had his surgery this morning and it went well."

"So, he's okay."

"He's fine" Perry smiled as he finally turned his head to face J.D's, causing the young man to smile back at him. "And as soon as he is stable enough he'll be transferred to Sacred Heart."

"Good, that's good" J.D smiled, "I can't believe I get to go home today. I've been waiting to go home for so long now and now that I can I-"

"What, you don't want to go home?"

"It's not that because I want to go home, but I don't know if I can" J.D sighed as he sat up, grabbing his pillow tighter. "The last time I stayed in my room was before Kenn-Walter trashed the place and placed cameras everywhere just to watch me. I can't but to feel scared thinking about staying in that room again."

"Why don't you move out?"

"I don't think I'm ready for that just yet, you know."

"Then why don't you mo-" Perry started to say before Turk and Carla entered into the room, smiles wide on their faces.

"J.D" Carla all but screamed as she came into the room and placed a giant hug around his neck. Tears starting to stream from her cheeks as she hugged him even tighter as if she was afraid to let him go. "I'm so sorry that I haven't been here to see you, it's just with work and being short staffed I couldn't find-"

"Carla, its okay" J.D managed to smile as he released her from the hug. It felt nice to have her close again, having her motherly vibe about her around him. "I'm fine."

"No it's not. I was so worried about you and now, I'm worried about your brother."

"Wait, how do you know about Dan?"

"Perry told us"

"Yeah man, he called us and told us everything" Turk shrugged as he sat down on the bed.

"You told them."

"You didn't want them to know"

"No, I didn't" J.D hissed back.

"I'm sorry I-"

"Why didn't you tell us, most importantly me? You haven't called me at all since the day I was here." Turk interrupted Perry mid-sentence, sending a menacing eye towards J.D. He wouldn't lie and say that J.D not telling him about his brother didn't bother him because it did. It also bothered him that J.D hadn't called to talk to him since the incident the other day but he didn't want to make a big issue out of it, especially while he was in the hospital and his brother was getting surgery.

"Oh" J.D said as he looked over at Turk. A wave of guilt ran through his body as he realized that it was true. He hadn't called Turk at all during the past three days he was in the hospital. He never felt distant from his best friend since they've known each other but it seemed as if they were miles apart, even though they were sitting just mere feet from each other.

"That's all I get is an oh. You best friend doesn't get a "hey, how you doing" or better yet "sorry for not calling and telling you what's been going on."

"Turk, I…I don't know what to tell you; it's just everything's been so hectic and out of control-"

"That's why you call me." Turk scowled, trying not to get upset but it wasn't working for him. He could feel the heat growing under his collar as he began to get angry at how his friend seemed to be treating him. "You have no idea how scared I was when you went missing and I did whatever it took to find you. I even called my cousin Devin and paid him money to give me information about Walter and you don't even call."

"Turk, I'm sorry okay," J.D snapped. "I sorry I didn't call and check in with you so quit jumping on my back."

"That's all I get is an "I'm sorry" Turk screamed. "All the worrying I've been through-"

"Well, I'm sorry that I've been a burden to you."

"Alright that's enough," Carla finally screamed at the two yelling men. She had had enough of the yelling and felt it wasn't the right time for it to be going on. "If you hadn't noticed, we are in the hospital where other patients are being treated so that means you two need to stop it right now. This isn't the time or the place for this, now apologize."

J.D and Turk looked at each other, and realized that Carla was right. This wasn't the time for the argument and they should have waited until they were home to properly discuss it. Giving one last glance to Carla, the two men looked back at each other and mumbled an "I'm sorry."

"That's better" Carla smirked as she hugged J.D again. "Now when are you getting out of here?"

"I don't know, waiting for the doctor to come and let me know"

"Are you ready for discharged; I mean you cuts and bruises-"

"I know how it looks Carla but I'm physically ready to come home." J.D interrupted. "The wounds will heal while I'm at home."

"Still-"

"Baby, J.D hasn't been home in a long time and he's ready to come home" Turk frowned at his wife but smiled at J.D who smirked back at him. "And besides, we did all that cleaning up his room for his arrival today."

"My room"

"Yep. We cleaned it from top to bottom, stocked up on all your favorite snacks and even placed Rowdy in your room for an added homeliness. You're all set and ready to go."

"Yeah" J.D whispered as he looked out the window. "I guess I am"

Perry could tell that J.D was reluctant to return home but knew that he didn't want upset Turk anymore. He wished that the young man would just stop trying to please everyone and look out for himself more often. Seeing J.D happy always made Perry happy and going home wasn't going to make him happy.

* * *

Half an hour later, after a clean bill of health from Dr. Morris, J.D was released to go home and Turk couldn't be happier; J.D on the other hand hated every minute that it took to get home. Still not wanting to upset Turk again, he had opted to ride back home with him and Carla, even though he wanted to ride with Perry. His hand griped the seat as ach moment was making him feel like he couldn't breathe while his air passages burned with fear 

Finally after about an hour drive they arrived back at their apartment, Elliot already there waiting. She practically jumped into J.D's arms when she saw him enter the apartment, immediately placing kisses all over his face.

"You're home," she shrieked in his arms, not letting him go as she dragged him from the door and onto the sofa. "I've been waiting for almost an hour waiting for Turk to come back with you."

"Elliot I missed you too." J.D laughed as he let her go.

"You don't know how many extra clinic hours I owe Kelso now because I took the day off to spend it with you, not that it's your fault or anything I've just missed you and I think that you really could use your friends right now." Elliot rambled as she hugged J.D again. "You know what I mean."

"Yes Elliot and I appreciate what you did but you didn't have to do it; I could have waited until you got off your shift."

"I know but I really wanted to be here." finally letting him go but still grasping onto his hand.

"Thanks, all of you for everything." J.D smiled as he looked around the room, soon noticing that something was wrong. His heart skipped a beat when he realized that Perry wasn't in the room or anywhere in the apartment for that that matter. "Where's Perry?"

"Oh Dr. Cox, he told me to tell you that he had to get home to talk to Jordan," Turk answered, not fully believing that the man was telling the truth but not really caring if he was or not. He felt that J.D should have a chance to be with his friends without the older doctor around. "You can call him if you want."

"No" J.D said quickly, slightly disappointed. He wanted Perry to talk to Jordan ever since the two got into the altercation at the hospital but he didn't think he would leave so soon. "He needs to spend time with his family and I need to spend time recovering."

"That's right" Turk smiled. "J.D you know that you can talk to us about anything that happened right."

"I know"

"Yeah J.D, we are all here for you; anytime you want to talk or-"

"I said I know, okay" J.D snapped as he snatched his hand away from Elliot's who just frowned in return.

"Just in case you forgot," Turk replied, sensing J.D's anger. Not wanting to upset his friend, he decided to change the subject. "So, what do you want to do?"

"I want to lie down" quickly replying as he sat up from the chair. He didn't way but he started to become dizzy at the thought of talking to his friends about what happened. The cutting, the abuse, the rape; it would devastate his friends to know what happened to him and he didn't want them to know. The burning in his chest was returning and he could feel his hands tingling. He didn't want to let his friends to see him so fragile and he knew the only way he could hide it was to leave the room.

"Lie down, but you just got back-"

"Turk," Carla scowled at her husband. "If Bambi wants to lie down then he should. He needs all the rest that he can get because pretty soon he's going to be wishing he could. Go lay down."

He got up from the chair and slowly walked to his bedroom door. His heart began to race as he reached out to open the door. Placing his hand on the handle, he quickly pulled it back; it was as if the door was covered in a some sort of burning acid. J.D looked back at his friends who were just watching him, as if they were waiting for him to break down. Throwing a fake smile into their direction, he gripped the door again and walked inside his room, collapsing to the floor in tears as soon as he closed the door.

* * *

Perry didn't want to leave J.D but he knew there would be hell to pay with Jordan if he didn't come home soon. Sighing as he opened the door to his apartment, he was surprised to see Jordan sitting in the kitchen; drink in her hand. He walked to drink the drink out of her hand, causing her to sit up and look at him. 

"Jordan"

"Well if it isn't dead beat dad, glad that you're back," Jordan slurred, as she sat up from the chair; making it clear the she was drunk. "What, your boy toy kicked you out of his room and you thought you come home to me?"

"Jordan, what have you been drinking?"

"Scotch, vodka but mostly scotch"

"Where is Jack?" Perry asked growing agitated at the drunken Jordan. He had never seen her like this before because it was mostly he who became the drunken idiot, not her.

"So now you're worried about your son. Where was this over protective attitude four days ago when you ran out to take care of D.J.?" Jordan laughed as she grabbed the bottle of vodka. "Because it sure as hell wasn't here."

"Jordan for the last time, I didn't run out on you and Jack. Now where is he?"

"Don't get your panties in a bunch, he's with my mother. When I told her what had happened she had taken the first plane out here to see about me"

"Jor, why are you doing this; this isn't like you?"

"How the hell would you know?"

"Because I know you Jordan and you are not this person standing in front of me." he scowled at her. He had rushed back home to see about his son but now he had to make sure Jordan didn't die of alcohol poisoning because it was apparent that she had had too much to drink.

"I'm not the person…you're not the person."

"What?"

"For years I've tried to make you change, make you stop being the cynical bastard that you were and when we had Jack I thought I had. I thought you would finally realize just how right we were for each other but you didn't, did you. You go and fall in love with the one person that has loved you from day one and it makes me sick that you changed for them but not for me. Not for the mother of your child."

She walked over to Perry as she took another sip out of the bottle until she was standing directly in front of him, showing Perry the redness in her eyes and the puffiness in her cheeks. "You know what's even worse, Per. What's even worse is that I saw it coming; I knew that you had fallen in love with him when I came back pregnant. That the only reason you even went out with that Julie character was to make D.J. jealous, just like you were jealous of me when I slept with him and I still tried to make it work."

"Jordan, please"

"Stupid I was; trying to make you mine when you no longer were. Don't know what the hell I was thinking but I tried, God knows I tried."

"I'm sorry I hurt you, Jordan but I can't help how I feel."

"What about how I feel, you bastard" she lashed out at him, throwing the bottle that was in her hand directly at his head. He tried to duck out of the way but the bottle hit him in the arm, breaking against it, glass shattering everywhere. Perry looked down to see a sharp piece of glass embedded in his arm. "I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and stomped on you heartless bastard. You cold…heartless…bastard."

Perry watched as the emotional Jordan lunged forward at him and before he had a time to react, he felt her alcoholic lips press hard against his. It took his brain a moment to register what was going on and when he did, he carefully pushed her away, not wanting to cause any more damage to the current situation. She laughed as she fell to the floor and laid completely flat on it.

"So I guess that's it huh," she continued to laugh at him. "You don't even like kissing me anymore but that's okay, I'm okay. I am Jordan Sullivan for God sakes and I will be okay without you."

Perry walked out of the room and into his bathroom to grab the first aid kit. Grabbing out the gauze and tissues, he surveyed his arm and realized that the cut wasn't that deep to require stitches. After wiping off all the blood, he tightly wrapped his arm and threw the bloody tissues in the trash. He walked back into the living room to find Jordan still on the floor but having passed out from all the alcohol. Sighing, he picked her up off the floor and carried her to the bedroom that they used to share, laying her onto the bed and quietly closed the door. He couldn't help but feel a bit sad that he had put her in that state.

* * *

He couldn't do it. It felt as though his walls were closing in and he couldn't move. He had forgotten how long he had been sitting on the floor, in his own salty tears but he couldn't move. He felt as though he could feel Kenny watching him like before and that made him feel the way he was feeling. Even though his friends were right outside the door, he couldn't feel more alone. 

Grabbing the side of his bed, J.D pulled himself off the floor and made his way over to the phone. He needed the one person that hadn't left his side since he had been found; he needed Perry. With trembling fingers, he dialed the number and was met with a nothing but ringing. He tried again but once again he was met with the same fate and by the third time, he decided to give up.

J.D lay down on the bed and let the phone fall to the floor. He turned over to his side, pulled his knees up to his chest, and began to cry again. Drowsiness overtook him as closed his eyes and fell into a dark sleep.

"_Johnathan wake up"_

"_What"_

"_Open your eyes"_

_He opened his eyes and saw that he was surrounded by dark wooded area. He felt a cold wind run across his body as he lifted himself off the ground he was laying on. He couldn't see much of anything but he could see a looming figure a few feet away from him and the light reflecting off what appeared to be something metal. "Stay away from me"_

"_Why are you treating me like this Johnathan?" the voice laughed. "All I wanted to do is help you but you tried to fight me and what happened was all your fault"_

"_It wasn't my fault," J.D cried as he looked around but the figure seemed to had disappeared from sight. He turned around and saw that the figure was now right behind him instead of in front of him. Not knowing what to do, he started to run in any direction he could just to get away. _

"_It was your fault," the voice barked back as they walked slowly behind J.D. No matter how fast he ran, the figure was still behind him every step of the way. Not paying attention to where he was going, J.D suddenly tripped and fell face first into the dirt. He tried to crawl his way up but before he could, the figure grabbed him by the back of his shirt and pushed him against what appeared to be a tree. With the person, that close to him he was finally able to see who it was but still couldn't see what they were holding._

"_It's your fault that your brother got shot. If you would have just listened to me and did what I said it wouldn't have happened."_

"_No it's not true"_

"_It's true"_

"_No it's not"_

"_Yes it is," he yelled as he pushed J.D harder against the tree. Before J.D could say anything, the figure had pinned both his shoulders to the wall so he couldn't move. He tried to struggle but they appeared to be too strong for him to overthrow. _

"_Let me go" J.D screamed but only earned a slap to the face and was pinned even harder. By this time, the tears had begun to stream down his face and his body started to shake._

"_You can't run from me Johnathan"_

"_Let me go"_

"_J.D open your eyes?"_

"_Let me go, let me go" _

"J.D man, open your eyes," the voice yelled at him again and he could feel their hands on his shoulder.

Eyes shot open as J.D looked to see a worried Turk holding onto his shoulders to keep him from jerking to the bed. He quickly pushed Turk's hands off him and jumped up from the bed. Before Turk had a chance to say something to him, J.D ran out of the room and quickly ran out of the apartment. Turk called out to him but it was too late. By the time he got to the door, J.D had run out of sight and Turk had no idea where to look for him.

* * *

Silently cursing to himself, Turk grabbed his coat and went off to run after J.D. Before he could get down to the ground floor, he was met by Carla and Elliot who had bags in their hands. 

"Baby did you see J.D?"

"Why would you ask me that Turk?"

"Because he just ran out of the apartment and I don't know where he went."

"What!" both women screamed into his ear as the bags dropped from their hands. "How could you let that happen?"

"It's not like I meant to." Turk shrieked back, angry that his own wife would say something like that to him. "He was having a bad dream and when I woke him up, he took off. I tried chasing him but J.D was too fast."

"He probably took the stairs because we used the elevator so we wouldn't have seen him" Elliot replied as she started to make her way back to the elevator. She stopped when nobody was following her and turned around to give them an annoyed look. "What are we waiting for, let's go?"

"Go where, we wouldn't know where to look."

"Then we'll find someplace Carla, he couldn't have gotten far and besides he had no money to anywhere out of walking distance."

"Elliot I don't think-"

"I don't care what you think." Elliot snarled as she pushed the button for the doors to come open. She had just gotten her best friend back and she wasn't about to lose him again. Sighing in defeat, Carla kissed Turk on the cheek as she grabbed the bags from the floor and walked to the apartment.

"Baby aren't you coming?"

"No," shaking her head as she opened the door. "Somebody needs to be here incase he decides to call for a ride right."

Shaking his head, he smiled one last time as he walked onto the elevator when the doors open. He looked over to Elliot who still bore an angry expression on her face but this time it was accompanied by tears. Saying nothing, he just grabbed her hand and the two of them rode silently on the elevator down to the first floor. Without talking, they got into Elliot's car and made their way to where they thought J.D might be Dr. Cox's apartment.

* * *

He ran. He ran and he ran until he couldn't run anymore. He didn't know why he ran away from his friend but he felt as though he didn't have a choice. He couldn't stay in that room any longer, the place where he felt as though he was being watched. J.D didn't care that he didn't have his wallet on him or the fact that he was currently without shoes; he just wanted to be as far away from everyone as he possible could. 

J.D didn't have to run far because he was soon there, the place where he went to gain a sense of peace; enlightenment even. It was where he felt the safest and no one knew about it. He knew that his friends would probably be worried about him but right now, he didn't care, he just wanted to be there and he was.

Climbing the ladder, he soon found himself inside of the tiny house. It was an abandon tree house that he had found a few months ago and it quickly became his place of solitude. It looked old but J.D found that it was in fact sturdy than it looked and he never worried about it crumbling to the ground. Grabbing the blanket that he placed in it to keep him warm on the colder evenings he was in there, he wrapped it around his body and fell back to sleep.

* * *

Perry was awaked with a start at the sound of knocking at his door. He looked over at the bed and found that Jordan was passed out and groaned as he went to answer the door. He prayed it wasn't Jack because he didn't need to see his parents like this broken and distraught. 

Swinging open the door, he was surprised to find that it was Elliot and Turk instead of Jordan's mother with Jack. He started to ask him what the hell they wanted but before he could, they rushed inside the apartment without even asking.

"What the hell-"

"Is J.D here?" Elliot quickly said as she began searching around the apartment looking for any signs of J.D.

"No Betty isn't here, isn't he supposed to be with you?"

"He was but earlier he ran out of the apartment" Turk replied.

"You let him leave, how could you let him leave?" Perry found himself yelling. He couldn't believe that it had been less than ten hours and they had already lost J.D again.

"I'm going to tell you the same thing I told Carla, I didn't let him leave" Turk yelled back at the older man. "He was having a nightmare and I went into his room to try to wake him up and he ran past me and out of the room. There wasn't anything I could have done."

"Whatever" Perry grumbled as he grabbed his coat from the couch and made his way out the door.

"Wait for us?" Elliot yelled out as she followed behind him but soon stopped when he turned back around to look at them.

"You're not going."

"What?"

"I said you're not going" Perry growled even louder. He had an idea of where J.D was and he knew he needed to see him alone; didn't want to risk scaring him off again.

"What do you mean we're not going, you know where he is."

"Maybe."

"Then how come we can't go?"

"Because Gandhi, he ran away from you the first time and I have a feeling that he's going to run away from you again and this time, you may not find him."

"So you think that he won't run away from you" Turk scoffed as placed his hands across his chest.

"I know he won't."

"How can you be sure, what makes you think that J.D even wants to be anywhere near you right now? He needs his friends"

"I am his friend."

"Now," Turk hissed as he walked up to Perry and stood directly in his face. He was growing tired of Perry acting like he had always been there for J.D when he hadn't been there before. "Now you're his friend but what about before, before this whole Walter thing happened. You treated him like shit and you didn't care, you had no sympathy at all for him or anyone else and now you want me to believe that you do."

"I've always showed it, maybe not in the best way but I was there for him; even when I didn't want to be" Perry yelled as he pushed Turk out of his face who immediately pushed him back. He felt his hand curl up into a fist as anger quickly filled his body and felt that he close to hitting the younger doctor right in the face. He would have too if Elliot hadn't jumped in between the two of them and separated them. It didn't work because they again tried to jump back into each other's face.

"Would you two stop it, you're supposed to be looking for J.D not acting like a bunch of jackasses," she shrieked as she pushed the two men farther apart.

"Tell him to stop acting like he cares about J.D"

"I do care about him, dammit why do you think I did all the stuff I did for him"

"What stuff?"

"I have been there for him ever since he walked into Sacred Heart. I listened to every single ridiculous story he ever experienced; hell I was there for him when his dad died."

"Yeah after you punched him in his face." Turk spat.

"I admit that I made some mistakes but I'm not perfect and I never pretended to be. I am who I am and J.D accepts that about me and it's time you did too because I'm not going anywhere."

"We'll see about that"

"We will" Perry growled as he walked out of the apartment. Elliot shot a annoyed look in Turks direction and soon followed behind Perry. She was glad that the elevator hadn't come down yet and walked up behind him.

"What do you want Barbie?" Perry growled without even turning around.

"How do you do that…you know what never mind?" She said as the elevator doors opened up. "I'm sorry for Turk's behavior and if it's any constellation, I don't believe that you don't care about J.D and I know that in your own twisted maniacal way, you've always cared about J.D."

Perry said nothing as he turned around to stare at Elliot. He could tell that she meant what she was saying to him. Curling up his lip slightly, he gave her a smile in return for her kind words. He walked inside the elevator but immediately remembered that Jordan was still passed out on his bed. Knowing that he wouldn't be able to concentrate on J.D if Jordan was alone by herself, he decided he needed to ask Elliot a favor.

"Barbie."

"Yeah Dr. Cox."

"Could you do me a favor and stay to keep and eye on Jordan. She had too much to drink earlier and passed out on my bed."

"Jordan's here" Elliot gulped as he eyes widen in terror. If there was, anyone that scared her more than Dr. Cox it was the mother of his child. She was like a vicious pit bull that was always ready to rip you to pieces.

"Yeah she is and I can't leave her alone but I need-"

"Don't worry; I'll take care of her until you get back." Elliot forced herself to smile as she watched him get back into the elevator. Her eyes drifted to his shoulder where she finally noticed the band-aid on his arm wrapped in gauze. "Dr. Cox, did Jordan-"

"Remember what I told you before Barbie. Don't be afraid of that third eye because it's just as afraid of you as you are of it.

Those words caused Elliot to squeak as the doors closed and Dr. Cox disappeared. She walked back into his apartment where Turk had already made himself comfortable and was watching TV. Elliot said nothing as she walked up to him, giving him the evil eye once more.

"Can you believe him?" he asked her without even looking up from the screen.

"No I can't believe you Turk," she snarled as she grabbed the remote from his hand and turned off the TV. "Could you be a bigger ass tonight?"

"What me, I was talking about Dr. Cox"

"Well I was talking about you. Wow I can't decide who's the biggest jerk right now, you or him."

"What did I do?"

"Are you kidding me?" she cried. "You try tell him that he doesn't care about J.D and then you try to fight him; what the hell is wrong with you?"

"How can you be taking his side?" Turk yelled as he too stood up from the couch and walked over to her. "He's been a bastard to you and J.D ever since you were interns; hell even now he's still a bastard to you. You know what a jerk he was to J.D before all this even started. Why should I believe that he magically changed overnight?"

"Because Turk people can change. Sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse but they still can change and it's time that you realize that Dr. Cox has changed.

"I don't believe it."

"Then if you can't believe it for yourself then believe it for J.D, unless you're too selfish for that."

"I would do anything for J.D, you know that" Turk hissed as he made his way towards the door. He couldn't believe that he was arguing with Elliot about Dr. Cox and she was taking his side. Even after all the stuff, the older doctor had put her through; she was standing in his living room defending him.

"Then it's time you accept Perry because like he said, he isn't going anywhere"

He didn't say anything as he walked out of the apartment. Elliot sighed as she walked out of the room and went into Perry's room to check on Jordan who was still asleep. She made her way over to the chair in the corner and sat down in it, wondering when the world around her would return back to normal.

* * *

He arrived at the tree house and instantly knew that J.D was there. He had only been here once before but he knew that it was the place J.D would go if he needed to get away from the world, where he felt the safest. He quietly climbed the ladder and made his way inside where he saw J.D curled up in a blanket fast asleep. He looked so peaceful that Perry didn't even want to wake him up but knew he had too. Too many people worried about him and he needed to get somewhere safer. 

Gently shaking him, he smiled when J.D woke up with a confused expression on his face. He sat up to look around at his surroundings and remembered that he had run to the tree house. What he didn't understand was how Perry found out where he was.

"How did you find me, am I low jacked?"

"No Judy, you do not have a locator device anywhere on your body but that's not a bad idea considering you ran out of your apartment in the middle of the night with no shoes on and no one knowing where you were at." Perry scowled at the young man.

"Turk told you huh."

"Yeah that and some other things too."

"What?"

"Never mind, let's go I'm taking you home."

"I don't want to go back to the apartment." J.D whispered as he lay back down on the floor.

"You have to go back home, your friends are looking for you."

"I can't sleep in that room alright," J.D finally screamed as he sat up and began to cry. He hated breaking down so easily at every little thing someone said or did, but he couldn't help it. His body was once again betraying him in every way possible. "Every time I think about sleeping in that room it feels like he's watching me, waiting to attack like he was before and I hate that feeling. It feels like I'm suffocating and I can't breath. I close my eyes and I can imagine him there standing over me and I don't want to feel that way."

"J.D-"

"Please don't make me go back; please I can't go back just yet."

"Okay." Perry whispered as he pulled J.D into his arms and let him cry. He wasn't about to push J.D into doing something he didn't want to do and he didn't want to go home. After some time passed, he finally opened his mouth again to ask J.D the same question he started to ask previously that day. "

"Move in with me?"

J.D moved his body away from the older man and looked at him with shock. He wanted him to move into his place. J.D assumed that the man was either drunk or doped up on pain medication. He looked into his eyes to see if he could sense any anything but all he could see was seriousness in the man's eyes.

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah, I mean you don't have to but it's an alternative to living in a tree house."

"What about Jordan?"

"She moved out already so there's room for you."

J.D thought about the man's question inside his head and realized that he felt safest when he was with Perry. He liked the idea of having Perry there to help him through whatever the hell he was going through. He hoped that Turk would understand his decision about moving out but he needed to do what was best for him.

"Okay, I'll move in as long as you're sure about this because if you're not-"

"I asked didn't I." Perry interrupted the bumbling J.D.

J.D smiled at Perry as he moved his head closer to his. Before either of them knew it, they felt their lips pressed together. J.D grabbed the back of Perry's neck as he pulled the older man closer to him and opened his mouth to let Perry enter his.

Perry grinned at the moan that escaped from J.D's mouth as he let his tongue plunge deeper inside. J.D still had a sweet taste about him, like he had just eaten a bag full of candy. To him it seemed like he couldn't get enough of J.D as he pulled his body as close as he could possible get and soon felt J.D's hands tugging his shirt out of his pants. Soon his felt pair of warm hands run all over his chest and across his back.

J.D moved his hands from across Perry's back down to his thighs as he pulled the man closer, almost in an on top of him manner. He swirled his tongue further into Perry's mouth tasting every inch of it. He could feel his own erection rising and suddenly had a need to have Perry closer to him than ever before. Quickly, his hands left Perry thighs and made their way down to pants, tugging on them as he tried to get them open. As he was trying to get them unbutton, he could feel Perry suddenly become tense at his touch.

Thoughts of uncertainty swirled through Perry's head as he felt J.D tug at his jeans. Perry had expected J.D to be more closed off after what happened to him but it seemed as though J.D was more lustful than he had ever been before. He felt as though it would be too soon for J.D to engage in anything like this, especially after everything he had been through. He didn't believe that J.D was ready for something like this and he wasn't about to have him regret going that far with him.

Reluctantly, Perry pulled away from J.D and slid to the other side of the tree house. He watched as J.D tried to regain his breath and look at him with confused eyes. Perry tried to sense if he was hurt by his actions or was he more along the lines of confused.

"Why'd you do that?" J.D finally asked after he could breathe again. He hadn't expected Perry to back away from him; he always assumed it would be the other way around instead.

"J.D, I don't think we should do this, at least not now."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't think you're ready for this," Perry answered honestly. "I don't think you want to do this now, here, in a tree house built for an eight year old and his playmates.

"But I am, I want to do this with you and only you." J.D replied back, bitterness in his voice. He didn't like being rejected and thought that Perry was the only one who wouldn't reject him. He stood up and made his way towards the door to leave. "And I thought you wanted me too but I guess not."

Perry grabbed J.D's hand to keep him from leaving, hating himself for making J.D upset. He didn't want him to think that he didn't want to be with him anymore because that couldn't be far from the truth. He wanted J.D more than anything but couldn't take advantage of him like that.

"Let me go."

"J.D just listen to me," Perry whispered. "I want you, shit sometimes I want you so bad I have to take about a dozen showers a day to get rid of the hard on I get just thinking about you but I can't do this when you're like this."

"What do you mean like this, Perry I'm fine?"

"That's what you keep saying to everyone but I know different. I know that you have nightmares every time you go to sleep and those times at the hospital you pretended to be asleep so you wouldn't have to talk to anyone, I knew you weren't sleeping. I know that you're not fine and the only reason you keep saying that you are is because you think that what we want to hear but it's not. I want you to be completely fine when we do this and I don't want you to do anything that you regret because you think it's what I want.

He sighed as he pulled J.D back towards him and into his chest. "When we do this, whenever we do this I want you to be completely sure with no doubts at all and when you're ready, I mean really ready you come to me, look me in the eye with a straight face and say I want you right now and I will gladly rock your world Debra."

J.D stayed quiet as he moved his head away from Perry's chest and looked him in the eyes. Deep down he knew that Perry was right. A part of him wasn't ready to have Perry that close to him but a part of him was. He realized that Perry didn't want half of him but all of him when they advance their relationship to the next level. He didn't say anything but smiled as he placed a kiss on Perry lips and placed his head back to his chest. That's how the two men stayed for almost the entire night until they were both ready to go home.

* * *

So there is chapter four. I hope you liked it because if you didn't, I don't care. J/K but really this is my longest chapter ever. It was nineteen pages long and I didn't know it was that long until I got ready to post it. I know that you might think it was weird that I had Jordan break down like that but come on. Most stories have Jordan so happy go lucky that the father of her baby falls in love with another man. I mean, she has a right to be mad as hell so I made her mad as hell; I know I would be. So if it was a little OOC, don't worry that's how I wanted it to be and don't worry, the fallout between Turk and J.D won't last long. J.D's mom will make an appearance and it will not be pretty. And my favorite bitchy therapist will also come back to make J.D admit his inner feelings as well as J.D 2. I'm going in the midst of writing chapter 5 right now and as soon as I'm finished I will post it; promise. 

Love

"Ricka"


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary**: Don't going to say what I usually say about being to busy to post because even though it's true it's starting to sound like an old record. I will tell you that I will try my best to post as soon as I can just bear with me. I do promise however that I will not go months without posting something new because that's just mean, too mean for me even.

Now on to the Disclaimer

* * *

**Disclaimer:** Like I even have to say it. 

Now on to the Review Shout Out Corner

* * *

**Review Shout Out Corner: Thanks for the reviews, they are like coffee and donuts to me on a very cold winter day.**

**Personal.Vendetta:** Don't feel bad that you didn't review earlier, I don't care about that as long as you reviewed; especially after I dedicated the last chapter to you. I'm sorry that I made Perry stop at the end but I just didn't want J.D to jump back in so soon you know, but don't worry they will be bumping uglies before the story is over, I promise. And again don't worry, there will be more angst but there will be some fluffy moments coming up.

**Amberjunk:** Like I've said a thousand times before, if you don't like slash between these two don't read the story and don't comment. Nobody cares what you think at all. And if you really want to get technically, it's hard to think of someone to be a father figure to someone when on the show they are only thirteen years apart. As far as I'm concerned, I don't know any thirteen year old fathers and I hope you don't either. Sorry if I'm coming off as harsh but I can't help it. I'm a Cancer.

**The Forgotten Alchemist:** I have to say that you are one of my favorite reviewers because not only to you throw yourself into whatever you read you also review every chapter that is written. Thanks for loving my story, all my stories so much and hope you enjoy all of them that's to come.

**p-sama7:** The wait is over because the next chapter is up for you to read. Enjoy.

**snow887:** Sorry if I broke your heart and I hope this chapter makes up for it and Perry needs more people on his side. Very few people get him you know, well besides me and J.D of course.

**psychotic KAT:** Yes Turk was an ass in the last story but don't worry, he won't be one for long. I loved writting the part about J.D wanting to "jump Perry's bones" because I love writting an in control J.D. There's something about J.D being in control that makes my brain melt and don't worry, J.D will talk to someone about the voices but you will be suprised who is the first person to find out.

Keeping up with my new tradition I will now dedicate this chapter to one lucky review.

"Thank you, thank you, please you're too kind"

(grabs the envelope from the stand and opens it to read.) "And the winner is-The Forgotten Alchemist.

(blushes as she grabs the emmy like statue from my hands and cries as she grabs the mike on the stand.)

"Oh my God I don't know what to say but I just want to thank everyone, especially myself for this great honor. I mean if it wasn't for me reviewing this wouldn't have even been possible, right, right. Well anyways, it's an amazing story and I just want to say how honored I am for getting to do this so here it goes."

(clears throat as she smiles back at me) "Chapter Five of My Final Battle."

Now on to Chapter Five.

**

* * *

**Chapter 5

* * *

The sound of internal banging was the first thing that she heard when she woke up. The sound was so intense she felt as though her head was going to split in two. Even though her head was on fire, she could sense another presence curled up beside her. She could tell it wasn't Perry simply because an arm was around her and a head was on her shoulder. She finally opened her eyes and the first thing she saw was blonde hair. Opening them a little wider, she noticed that the blonde hair belonged to Elliot. 

"Hey Blondie, what the hell-" she started to scream but as soon as the words flew out of her mouth the fire in her head returned, stronger this time.

"What" mumbling as she turned on her back and opened her eyes as well. Elliot looked back towards Jordan and immediately realized the problem. "Are you yelling for?"

"I'm not yelling, yet. What the hell are you doing here?"

"Dr. Cox asked me to stay with you last night" she yawned as she turned back over in the bed so she could face Jordan.

"And where is Perry"

"J.D disappeared last night and he went to go look for him"

"Figures"

"What the hell is your problem, I thought you were okay with Dr. Cox and J.D being together."

"Who says I wasn't Stick?" Jordan found herself yelling as she sat up, only to be hit with a wave of nausea. She didn't like people telling her how she felt, especially people she hardly knew but she couldn't help but feel curious on what Elliot thought about the matter either.

"Because if you were, you wouldn't have gotten drunk and hurt Dr. Cox last night." Elliot grinned as she looked over at Jordan who face was suddenly washed with remembrance.

"That was real; I thought that was a dream"

"Well he has the band-aid to prove it so yes, I guess it was real."

"Oh my God, I can't believe I got that wasted." Jordan cried as she lay back down on the bed. She had never been the type to actually do anything physical to anyone while she was drunk, unless someone counted the time she got into a bar fought with a college student down in Cancun on year but that was it. She usually passed out before anything bad happened but last night she was a different person, a person she had always feared she would become and that made her scared.

"It's okay to be mad you know because I'm a little mad too."

"Why the hell are you mad Blondie? From my recollection, you and D.J. haven't been together since he dumped you at Baldie's rehearsal dinner." Jordan smirked as she turned over to face Elliot. "What reason do you have to be mad?"

"I don't know" she shrugged, as she turned flat on her back to stare at the ceiling. "I guess a part of me believed that J.D and I were meant to be together. That he was just scared to commit to me and needed time but now I know different. He's in love with Dr. Cox and I'm happy for him, I just wish-"

"That you were the one with him instead"

"Yeah, but it's okay because I'll always love J.D no matter what happens and I know that you will always love Perry no matter what happens too."

"I don't have a choice" Jordan scoffed as she painfully got out of the bed and looked down at Elliot. "We have a kid together"

"And that what makes it even harder for you because you two have Jack but Perry loves that little boy and will always be there for him. I know you believe that."

"I do, I'm just…angry because it was supposed to be me."

"Don't worry; it will happen for you eventually." Elliot smiled as she grabbed Jordan's hand to pull her back onto the bed. She didn't know why but she felt herself insanely drawn to the evil woman and knew that she needed someone to be there for her in her time of need. She couldn't ignore the immense heat that radiated through her body when Jordan didn't pull her hand away and lay back down beside her nor did she say anything when Elliot placed her am back over her waist.

Jordan didn't know why she was letting Elliot's words get to her, let alone touch her but she would never be the first to admit that it was nice having someone on her side for once. She realized that deep down she felt she had grown attached the neurotic feisty blonde haired doctor so when the arm was perfectly wrapped around her waist, she didn't mind it at all but she made a mental note to tell her she didn't cuddle when she woke up again.

* * *

He slowly raised his hand to the door and began to knock softly upon it. He knew that it was early and wanted nobody to be there when he got there but found there was no such luck when an angry Turk opened the door. 

"Where the hell have you been?"

"Hey man, how you doing" J.D tried to smile but it didn't matter to Turk who just glared in return.

"J.D man, you had us worried."

"I know and I'm sorry, can I come in."

"Of course you can come in, this is still your apartment too you know."

J.D winced at the sound of the words that came out of Turk's mouth as he walked into the nearly empty place. He didn't see Carla in the kitchen or hear the shower running so he concluded that Carla must have already left for work. He sat down on the couch and silently waited for Turk to sit down as well.

Turk could tell that something was wrong with J.D from the moment he answered the door. He could tell by the way that he was slowly shaking or the hesitance in his walk as he made his way over to the sofa. Not knowing what to say, he just sat down beside J.D and waited for him to start talking.

"I'm moving out."

"What?" The words hit Turk like a punch to the gut as he looked up at J.D who was looking pastier by the minute. He hadn't had time to register what he said before he made his announcement again.

"I said I'm moving out."

"I heard you the first time, dude but I mean why."

"It's hard to explain Turk-"

"Then make it easy." Turk hissed as he threw his hands up in the air and stormed off the couch. J.D could feel the anger radiating off his body and the hurt menacing glare in his eyes. His heart sank at the thought of hurting someone else in his life, his best friend at that. "Why are you moving out?"

"Turk, please listen to me-."

"Did Dr. Cox put you up to this? Did he tell you about last night because dude I swear me and Elliot were looking for you ourselves about an hour before we showed up at his place?"

"Turk, this isn't about Perry and no he didn't talk me into it." J.D sighed as he got up as well and walked over to Turk, placing a hand on his shoulder, which was immediately brushed off. "This is about me, I need to do this."

"But why, why now after you spent all night away?"

"I wanted to tell you before at the hospital, but I just didn't know how."

"So you come back at seven in the morning after running off to God knows where, having me stay awake half the night worried about you; which by the way wasn't good for me because I have to be to work in less than an hour all to tell me that you don't want to live with us anymore."

"Turk, I'm not doing this to make you mad because it isn't like that. I just need to do this"

"Then tell me why because Carla and I haven't pushed you to move out not once so where is it coming from because I need to know?"

"It's just…I can't sleep in that room Turk, I can't. Every time I close my eyes I feel Kenny watching me and even though I know he's not, I can't help how I feel."

"Then we'll switch rooms-"

"Turk, that's not enough." J.D whispered as he sat back down. "This apartment is already too small for three people and you and Carla are married so you need your space. Plus you two want to have kids someday and you can't do that if I'm in the way."

"So moving to Perry's is the best choice for you?" Turk scoffed.

"Yes, I think he is. He's the only one that had been able to keep me sane after every nightmare I had at that hospital. I just feel safer around him, that's all."

"But not me, not your best friend."

"Turk-"

"Save it okay, I gotta get to the hospital"

J.D opened his mouth to say something but it was too late; Turk had already made his way out the door. He sighed as he ran his fingers through his head and made his way towards his old room to pack. He hadn't meant to hurt his friend the way he did but he needed to do what was best for him, even if that meant leaving Turk behind.

* * *

Carla knew something was wrong with her husband as soon as she saw him walk through the hospital doors. Not only was there a frown on his face a mile long there was also an angry glint in his eyes. He had told her about the almost fight that happen the night before and she had immediately told him to call and apologize. He had said that he was going to do it as soon as he spoke to J.D but now she could tell that something else had happened between the two of them because of the new expression on his face. As soon as she saw him, she handed her charts to Lavern and quickly pulled him into the first empty room she could find. She could hear the growl in his throat as soon as she closed the door behind them. 

"Okay, what happened?"

"Baby, not now."

"Turk, tell me what happened. Did J.D come home?"

"Yeah, he came home or should I say his ex home"

"What?"

"He's moving out" Turk hissed as he sat down on the bed, head in his hands. "He came by this morning acting like everything was fine and then he tells me that he's moving out. And that's not even the worse part."

"What's the worst part?"

"He's moving in with Dr. Cox."

"Really?"

"That's what I said didn't I."

"Seeing that you're upset I'm going to let that slide" Carla frowned as she sat down beside her husband. She could hear the hurt in his voice that spat out like venom when he spoke about J.D and Perry. "But don't think that I'm going let you talk that way to me again."

"I'm sorry baby but can you believe Perry coercing J.D to into moving in with him. I mean he's vulnerable right now and Perry is just swooping in for the kill"

"Baby, Perry's not that type of person."

"Please, you know how that man is. He's going to hurt J.D and then it will be me picking up the pieces of his broken heart; not you, me."

"You don't know Perry like I do and I know that he really cares about Bambi. You may not want to see it but he does so stop talking about him like that. I also know that J.D wouldn't do anything that he didn't want to do so maybe he really wants to move in with Perry and I don't think that it's a bad idea."

"What?"

"Look" Carla huffed as she got up from the bed and stood in front of Turk. She hated talking to him when he was upset because it was the only time he was too stubborn to listen. She already feel a headache forming inside her head the more she talked to him. "J.D is a grown man and he can make his own decisions and if he thinks that living with Perry is the best thing for him then it's his choice."

"But-"

"No buts, Turk. He's your best friend but you keeping pushing Perry the way you are and all you'll end up doing is pushing J.D away as well. Oh and by the way, you still need to apologize to Perry." she smiled as she crossed her arms across her chest and waited for him to say something to her.

Turk opened his mouth to say something but quickly closed it. He realized that his wife was right and the only thing he would accomplish was pushing J.D away. He sighed when his pager went off and saw that it was a 911 emergency. Kissing her cheek, he walked out of the room and went off to do his job.

* * *

The cool wind blew all around him and yet he felt absolutely nothing. He thought about his decision to ask J.D to move in with him and though he felt like it was the right thing, he really wasn't sure. 

It's not like he didn't want J.D there, he did but he didn't want to feel like he was pressuring him to do anything he didn't want to do. He was already a well-known jerk and if he blew things with J.D, he would be known as a bigger jerk.

Sighing he walked into his apartment, suitcase in tow with J.D right behind him. He hadn't heard the young man say anything since he came back to the car and wondered if he too, was having second thoughts. Once again, he felt as if he had pushed J.D into making this decision without really letting him decide. Letting J.D inside first, he closed the door and only turned around when J.D gasped.

"Newbie what the hell…oh my God"

Perry walked into his living room to see a half naked Jordan on his living room floor with a half naked Elliot right beside her trying to cover up which Jordan was making no effort into doing so. J.D just stared at the sight before him trying to soak it all on while Perry just went to the room and grabbed a blanket to cover them up. Elliot immediately grabbed the blanket and covered her body while Jordan just grabbed her shirt from the floor and growled.

"You sure know how to ruin my fun don't you Perry."

"I try my best," he snarled back. "Where's Jack?"

"Don't worry so much will you? My mother is still watching him and she's bringing him by here later if you're up to it."

"Of course I am" he smiled before his frown returned again. "What do you want?"

"Nothing, I want nothing. You want to see your son and I want the day off without him, is that a problem."

"No, it isn't."

"Good, now I have to go get dressed, Stick here is taking me out for breakfast."

"I didn't say that."

"Shove it Stick, you're taking me," she snapped as she walked back to the bedroom, Perry following behind her. J.D took that moment to snap back into reality and grabbed Elliot by the arm before she could make her get-a-away.

"Elliot"

"What"

"What…how…when…Jordan."

"I don't know" Elliot sighed as she plopped down on the sofa. "Last night I was watching her sleep and she looked so peaceful and not at all like the vicious woman that everyone feared but a real person that was so emotionally drained and looked like she needed a friend."

"That looked way more than friendly to me" J.D smiled at his friend who just glared back at him in return.

"So I climbed into bed with her and fell asleep. We woke up, she yelled at me and then went back to sleep. We woke up again and I offered to make her breakfast and then it happened."

"What, you were making pancakes and she jumped your bones while you poured the batter."

"No" she shrieked as she stood up from the chair, blowing her hair out of face. "She came in all mean and telling me that I better not tell anybody about what she said and then the next thing I knew her hands were in my hair and my leg was wrapped around her waste."

"Elliot"

"J.D what the hell am I doing. I can't be in a relationship with Jordan, of all people in the world her. I mean she's mean, manipulative, stuttering, a complete bitch-"

"And the only person that has ever left a hickey that big on your neck. Wow, it looks about the size of Texas."

"J.D, would you stop it. I'm not even a lesbian."

"What about that time in college with your room mate?"

"College doesn't count, everybody experiments but still-"

"Hey Blondie, you coming in here or do I have to finish what we started all by myself. I mean I can but it won't be any fun." Jordan barked from the doorway of Perry's room. Elliot gulped as she shot another hatefully glance towards J.D before walking towards the older woman. J.D just laughed as she walked away before heading for the kitchen himself. In the midst of his laughing, the machine suddenly clicked on; stating a phone call had gone straight to the machine.

"_Hello Dr. Cox, this is Dr. Harrison. I just want to let you know that Mr. Adams lawyer will be contacting Mr. Dorian very soon about what to do about his case. I assume that you have told him everything that has been going on and I hope that everything works out for the best. Goodbye"_

J.D was staring at the machine when Perry made his way over to the young man, lab coat in hand. He assumed that he had to go to the hospital for something and decided to ask him about the message when he came back.

"On your way to the hospital" J.D asked as he walked over to Perry.

"Yeah, Kelso left like a thousand messengers on my cell so I figured what the hell, I should go in; give him a mouthful, and come back home."

"No, you should go in"

"Are you sure, I mean I could be there for a full shift. I gotta a lot of work to make up and Kelso will not go easy on me"

"I'm sure," J.D, laughed as he too grabbed his coat and stood beside Perry. "You can't afford to be fired because of me; you won't have any place to live"

"Where are you going?"

"To the hospital with you"

"Don't you think that you should rest" Perry replied as he grabbed the coat from J.D's hands and placed it in his own. "You slept in the tree house all night"

"So did you, what's the big deal"

"The big deal is you need your rest"

"And I will get rest but right now I want to go see my brother." J.D frowned at Perry's over protectiveness. He had grown used to the man pushing him away so much that at times he found it hard to believe that the man was doing everything he could to keep him safe. It felt good but a little claustrophobic at times.

Perry could see the frown on J.D's face as he spoke his words of independence. It wasn't as though he wanted to keep J.D from his brother; he just didn't want him to breakdown again if he saw Walter. In addition, he still hadn't told him the situation with Walter's will.

"J.D, there is something I need to tell you." he sighed as he handed the young man back his coat who immediately smiled at the gesture.

"Okay, but can you tell me when we get back; I really want to go see my brother."

Perry sighed again as he grabbed his car keys from the table. He was going to tell J.D the truth; he just needed the proper time. Opening the door, he let J.D walk in front of him and closed the door behind them.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, J.D and Perry arrived at the hospital and J.D felt a mixture of emotions run through his body. At first, he felt fear overrun his body as he thought back to the last time he was there. The parking lot where he once saw Perry fighting for his life, the hospital where his best friend almost died. He could feel his air close up in his chest and his breathing start to become irregular when he felt someone touch his shoulder. J.D almost shrieked when he turned around but realized that it was only Perry; he was the one holding his shoulder showing him that he was going to be okay. 

"You okay"

"Yeah, I am; at least I will be, I hope" J.D whispered as he gripped the hand that was on his shoulder. "I just…didn't think that it would be this hard you know."

"It's going to be hard but you won't be alone"

"I know"

"Come on, let's go in"

J.D followed behind Perry as they walk towards the hospital building and J.D seemed to hold his breath the entire time. As soon as he entered the building, he could tell that everyone eyes immediately pointed into his direction. He cocked his head to give them a smile that he got in return and continued to proceed down the hallway. He had no clue where he was headed but he knew the less people looking at him, the better.

Finally, after an elevator ride and a trip down the hallway both men were in front of Kelso's office. Perry opened the door and before he could even walk into the door, Kelso was already screaming his head off.

"…Perry you got some damn nerve not coming in when you were called. Everyone in this dump seems to think that they could pull a fast one over Robert Kelso but if you pull that bull with me again the only doctor job you'll be able to find is working at the free clinic for only eight bucks an hour." Kelso yelled without even looking up from his paperwork.

"And how would that be different from working here Bobbo."

"We have Christmas parties" Kelso smirked as he looked up at Perry but the frown re-appeared as soon as his eyes saw J.D. "Hey sport, what are you doing here?"

"I'm here to see my brother" J.D smiled as he pushed past Perry and shook Kelso's hand.

"Ah yes, your brother. Don't worry about him; everything has been taken care of so your brother's stay is comfortable. The board has allowed the hospital to pay for all of his medical bills so he can stay as long as he wants."

"Really" J.D replied warily. He knew that the board didn't like giving anyone free accommodations, especially not to follow doctors. "Why"

"Why what sport"

"Why would they let my brother stay here for free; they don't even know him?"

"Yeah Bob what's the real reason behind the niceness"

"Fine, you want to know the truth; the board feels bad because they didn't do the formal background check on Kenny and don't want a major lawsuit on their hands from you. Are you aware of the legal team that the hospital has, Ted Buckland is the dumbest lawyer this hospital has ever had and we can't afford to give out any more money?"

"So because you don't want me to sue you're trying to bribe me by paying for my brother's medical bills," J.D hissed as he threw his hands up in the air.

"I'm sorry Dr. Dorian, this wasn't my call but if you don't want the hospital-"

"Oh no" J.D smirked as he walked towards the door and grabbed the handle. "This hospital will pay for everything that Dan does and wants and I will make sure that he sucks this hospital dry."

He didn't say anything more as he left the room, leaving Perry and Kelso alone. Kelso didn't say anything as he went back to doing his paperwork like moments before. Before Perry had, a chance to say anything Kelso beat him to the punch.

"Before you chew me out Perry I would like to say that I had nothing to do with the decision. If it was up to me that bastard would have gotten that, the plugs pulled out of him as soon as he came through the door but I can't do that and there's nothing I can do but be a good person and help Dr. Dorian out the best that I can. If it was my son I would want the same treatment."

"Bob" Perry whispered to his boss, shocked by the words that came out of the older man's mouth. He had never seen him so compassionate before and if it wasn't for the look of sincerity on his face, he would have never believed the words were coming from him. "I don't know-"

"Don't say anything? Go find the kid and take him home"

"You don't want me to stay."

"You're dismissed" Kelso smirked as he looked up from his work and back at Perry. "But you better have your ass here tomorrow morning at 6 a.m. or you won't have a job to go ever because I will make sure to disown you so fast you won't be able to get a job at the free clinic."

"Fine" Perry mumbled as he walked out of the office and went off to find J.D.

* * *

It wasn't long before he found him but he found that he wasn't alone. He was standing in front of a man that was about 6'2 with beach blonde hair. He was dressed in a business suit and looked like very professional. Perry knew that he had to be something that is very important. 

"J.D, who is this" Perry asked when he came up to them. He could immediately tell that something was wrong with J.D because his skin seemed paler and his body was shaking immensely.

"My name is Peter Every, I'm Walter's lawyer." the man smiled as he held out his hand for Perry to shake it. He watched as the man reluctantly took it but quickly took his hand from his. "I am here to talk about Walter's last will and testimony-."

"Yeah I got that but why are you talking to me about" J.D interrupted as the man looked at him strangely.

"J.D maybe you should-"

"I'm sorry, who are you?" Peter asked the older man.

"Perry Cox"

"Well Mr. Cox I don't think this matter concerns you-"

"Any matter that involves J.D is my concern." Perry hissed as he walked between Peter and J.D. He knew that he couldn't keep the secret any longer with Peter there but he knew he wouldn't have a choice.

"I don't have time for this, so if you would just leave-"

"Would someone please tell me what's going on." J.D finally snapped at the arguing gentleman. He could tell that something bad was about to happen but he wanted to know before Perry tried to throw a punch at the lawyer.

"You don't know"

"If I knew what you two were talking about then I wouldn't have asked what was going on, now would I" J.D spat at the arrogant lawyer.

"I'm sorry but it was just my understanding that you already knew" Peter smirked as his eyes glared at Perry. "Seeing as how Dr. Harrison already told Mr. Cox everything that was going on."

"Perry, what's going on?"

"J.D"

"Perry" J.D whispered again at the older man. His blood suddenly ran cold at the thought of Perry keeping something from him, something he promised never to do. "What's going on?"

Perry looked at J.D who was suddenly on the brink of tears, even though he had no clue what he was about to say. He didn't want to tell him in front of the lawyer but he knew he had to say something.

"J.D, Dr. Harrison told me the real reason Walter was moved to Sacred Heart and why he hasn't been taken off of life support yet."

"Why?"

"Because he written in his will where he wanted to be if something like this happened to him."

"Okay, so are you saying he planned this?" J.D asked confused. "And what does any of this have to do with me?"

"The reason he can't be taken off of life support is because only his power of attorney can make that decision whether to do so or not."

"I still don't see what this-" J.D started to say again but he suddenly realized what was going on, why Mr. Every was there wanting to talk to him. He realized what the message on Perry's machine meant and why Perry had wanted to talk to him before they left the house. He now knew that the only way Walter would die was if he made it happen. Suddenly could feel his body began to shake and his vision began to blur.

* * *

As if my poor baby doesn't have enough problems, he had now learned that he has to be the one to kill Walter. Oh my God what kind of person am I. I'm a person who loves angst but now to much of it because then I will have nightmares (j/k). Anyways if you're wondering about the Elliot and Jordan thing, again that just happened. I placed my fingers on the keyboard and that's where they lead me. If you're wondering if their thing will overshadow the story, don't worry it won't but they will pop up every now and then. 

Other characters that will be making their debut appearance will be J.D's overbearing and spiteful mother, another visit from that bitchy Dr. Richards and J.D number 2 will also come again. There will also be more appearances from Mr. Every because every story needs more than one villian and someone who is going to fight for Walter to stay alive after J.D's decides to pull the plug. Please stay tuned because their will be more to come.

Love and Peace

"Ricka"


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary:** Okay, I am so sorry that I have waited so long to update but my crappy computer tried to go and die on my and I was without it for a long time while I waited on it to get fixed. I also had a bad case of writer's block but I think that it's gone now because today you are not going to get one chapter and you're not going to get two chapters, no because of the wait you are going to get a total of three chapters of this story so I hope you enjoy it.

Now on to the disclaimer

* * *

**Disclaimer:** Don't own it just love it 

Now on to the review shout-out corner

* * *

**Review Shout-Out Corner**

Thanks to all that have reviewed so far and I appreciate every single one of them.

psychotic KAT: I can't tell if those are happy whimpers or sad ones but thanks anyway. Keep Reading.

tsuki yamano: Thanks

The Forgotten Alchemist: You're welcome on the dedication because you totally deserved it and you just might receive the honor again if you review as much and good as you do. On to your review Jordan and Elliot aren't really my favorite pair either but I like the idea of them together. On the idea of pulling the plug on Kenny I want him to die too but there is going to be someone who doesn't want him to go just yet. Once again thanks for the review.

wildefire: Thanks, I'm an evil person and as for J.D, it's only going to get worse.

Personal.Vendetta: Yeah Elliot and Jordan will have a love hate relationship like Cox and J.D but they won't be taking over the story. Turk will soon come out of his funk and be friends with J.D again, maybe even becoming friends with Perry; who knows oh yeah that's right I do. Carla was just being Carla and Elliot was being her clumsy self as well. And yeah J.D will become alot more cynical as the story progresses but you will have to read and see just how much.Thanks for reading.

Now on to the story

* * *

**Chapter Six**

Perry watched as J.D's eyes clouded with shock, confusion leaving it entirely and that he knew that J.D had figured it out. Quickly grabbing his arm, he moved them away from the lawyer and into an empty room. He knew both one of two things would happen and he had prepared for both.

"J.D"

"Close the door."

Perry realized that the door was still open and quickly closed it, not wanting the whole hospital to hear the outburst.

"Why didn't you tell me?" J.D screamed as Perry closed the door behind them. He could feel his body continuing to shake as the room suddenly began to spin. Why didn't you tell me about this?"

"I'm sorry" Perry replied as he tried to touch J.D's arm that quickly pushed it away from him. He didn't want J.D to find out this way but the cat was out of the bag and there was nothing he could do about it. "J.D"

"You lied to me. You made me believe that I could trust you and I can't."

"You can trust me-"

"Can I?" J.D practically yelled as he pushed Perry's hands away from him. "How can I trust somebody who wasn't man enough to tell me that I am now responsible for the death of the man who tried to kill me?"

"J.D would you please listen to me?" Perry pleaded as he tried to touch J.D again but got the same response again. It was literally breaking his heart to see J.D breakdown again and he couldn't help but blame himself for it.

"I don't want to listen to you. In fact I don't want anything to do with you right now. I don't want to look at you and I definitely don't want to move in with you so consider me out."

"You can't leave."

"Watch me." J.D hissed as he reached for the door handle but was quickly pulled back by Perry. It felt as though he was suffocating in the room with each passing second he was in there with the older man. He didn't know if it was because he was upset by the recent news or scared of the effects the news would have on him.

"I won't let you leave without talking to me."

"Don't you mean using me? I mean that's all you've been doing is using me for your own sick and twisted pleasure but you know what, I should be used to that by now."

"Don't you dare?" Perry yelled at the younger man, causing him to flinch in his arms. He hadn't meant to yell but he hated not being listened to and J.D was doing just that. "Don't you dare compare me to that monster? What he did to you was wrong and vile on so many levels that I want him to die. It hurts my soul to know that he did those horrible things to you and you know what; I would kill him myself if I had the chance."

"I love you and I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you, you know that. I know that you're mad at me for what I did to you and I'll admit that what I did was wrong. I should have told you because if I did then maybe we wouldn't be in this mess right here but we are. And you know what; I don't care because I was trying to protect you."

"From what?"

"From having to deal with situation on top of everything else you were going. Perry whispered as he pulled J.D closer. He could feel J.D's body's tense up at his pull but it quickly began to relax underneath him. "You were in the hospital, you're brother was in the midst of having surgery that would determine if he ever walked again. I was scared that you would have another panic attack and I didn't want that."

"You still should have told me, I had a right to know"

"I know, I really do and I'm sorry for not telling you. That was wrong of me and I'm sorry for that but there is nothing I can do to take it back; if I could I would but I can't. One thing I can do is wait for you to forgive me and if that takes forever then I guess I'll be waiting for a long time and if you have to move out then I will not stand in your way; but please, don't compare me to him again."

J.D looked at Perry and realized that he was trying to look out for him but it still didn't make the fear any less. He knew that he wasn't angry with Perry for not telling him but he was more afraid of the person he would become if he did take the man off his life-support. How was he supposed to take the man who had broken off the only support that was keeping him alive without having guilt?

"Why didn't you just tell me?" J.D whispered again, this time in a calmer voice.

"I just wanted to protect you-" Perry whispered back as he finally pulled J.D into a loving hug. He felt his own body relax as J.D allowed himself to be cradled into the hug. He didn't know he would have done if J.D left the room without giving him a chance to explain himself but he was glad that he hadn't. "I just wanted to protect you better than I had before."

"What do you mean better than before." J.D asked as he pulled away from him. He had heard pain in Perry's voice and wondered where it came from.

"J.D let's not talk-"

"Please don't tell me you blame yourself for what happened to me"

J.D watched as Perry looked at him and turned his glare towards the floor. The silence was the only thing he needed to determine his answer and a part of him wished he had never asked the question.

"You do, don't you. Perry no-"

"What do you want me to say J.D, I don't because I do" Perry finally spoke as he sat down on the empty bed. He didn't want J.D to know the truth but he couldn't help how he felt. It made him feel pathetic and worthless knowing that he was the reason J.D had been taken that night and he didn't do anything to stop it from happening.

"Why, I mean none of what happened was your fault."

"That's bull and you know it," he hissed as he sat up from the bed and walked back over to J.D again. "I was the stupid one who got held at knife point by someone who was half my size. I was the one who let you go off with him when I could have very well done something to stop him. I was the one who-"

"Stop it" J.D finally snapped as he grabbed Perry's arm, which quickly caused Perry to stop talking. It was crushing his spirit to know that he wasn't the one dealing with the effects of his kidnapping. That he wasn't the only one who was harboring secret pain inside.

"J.D I-"

"You don't get to blame yourself; you don't get to blame yourself because I don't blame you"

"Well maybe you should."

"Never" J.D replied back as he cupped Perry's face with his free hand, causing Perry to look at him. "You did the best you could"

"And it wasn't good enough." Perry hissed back. "I could have done something, anything to save you-"

"And you could have died in the process, in fact you almost did." J.D screamed at Perry, anger flowing through his body. "You almost died and you know where I would be; I would probably be dead because you wouldn't have been around to help find me. Moreover, if I didn't die I would probably want to because the man that I love would have been dead, never to return ever again. Is that what you wanted?"

"You know that I didn't want that, I just wanted to protect you."

"You did protect me, don't you get that."

"How did I protect you when I was the reason you were taken." Perry whispered as J.D suddenly wrapped his arms around him, hugging him tightly. It took him a while but he soon too wrapped his arms around J.D and realized that J.D had started crying.

"You were there for me when I wanted to give up." J.D cried softly, head never leaving Perry's shoulder. "There were times I wanted to give up, when I wanted to die but I held on because I knew that you needed me; so no matter what he did to me or said to me I didn't give in because I couldn't, not when you needed me."

"J.D-"

"I am here because of you and I will get through this with you by my side but not like this," J.D softly said as he moved his hands from Perry's back to place them around his neck. "Don't blame yourself anymore, you don't have too"

"Then why do I feel like I do?"

"Because you love me, that's why but we'll get through this."

"How?"

"Love" J.D whispered back into his ear as he placed his head on Perry's shoulder. "We're going to be okay because our love will pull us through this; I know it"

Perry opened his mouth to say something but couldn't because his mouth was quickly covered by J.D's. All thoughts flew out the window as J.D's soft lips were placed upon his own. He knew that he shouldn't be blaming himself for what happened but he did know that no matter what J.D said there would always be a small amount of guilt on his shoulders whenever he thought about what happened.

"Stopping blaming yourself."

"I don't know if I can."

"Then try; at least for me"

"I would do anything for you, you know that." Perry whispered into J.D's ear as the young man placed his head on his shoulder again.

"You better" J.D smiled back as he looked into Perry's eyes. He moved his head to kiss Perry again but was surprised when the door was suddenly pushed open. He turned his head to tell whomever it was to get out but before he could the voice spoke.

"Aw how sweet to see two supposed to be doctors cuddling in an empty room when they should be doing other important things like I don't know, checking on one's brother."

J.D turned around and saw the figure of an older petite woman with a shoulder length auburn hair. Her face was contorted into a crooked smile and she had her arms folded across her chest. He felt as though his jaw had dropped to the floor and rolled out of the door like one of those old cartoon shows as the woman turned on the light; giving both men a better view.

"Oh my God-"

"What, I don't get a hello? I did teach you manners didn't I or have you just simply forgotten them."

"Clara who is this?"

"Oh you don't know." the woman smiled as she looked over to Perry. "You're with him and you have no clue as to who I am at all." She turned her attention back to J.D who now harbored the same confused face as Perry, which only caused her to smile wider. "Why Johnathan you look almost surprised to see me?"

"Mom" J.D said finally as the she made her way over to him and kissed his cheek. He could feel his heart to his stomach as his mom pulled away from him and he knew that his road to recovery would only get worse before it got better.

* * *

Don't worry, the other two chapter will be up momentarily. Oh look, there they are.

"Ricka"


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary:** I told you I will be giving you three chapters and true to my word, here is Chapter 7.

* * *

Chapter 7

* * *

"You must be Perry, my name is Barbara but I'm sure you already knew that." J.D's mother quickly said as she turned around to face the older man. "Dan told me about you."

"Well I know they weren't good things and I know since your J.D's mother I should probably lie to you and tell you what a nice guy I am so you'll let me date your little girl here but that's not the type of guy that I am."

"Thank you but that little rant was really unnecessary, I mean a simple hello would have sufficed" she smirked at him, which caused him to frown. She didn't care that he was frowning at her because she reached out her hand anyways to shake his

"Mom" J.D repeated again as she reached out her hand to shake Perry's, which he automatically took. "What are you doing here?"

"That's a stupid question don't you think" his mother immediately snapped as she let go of Perry's hand. "I get a call that my son is in the hospital after being shot and there's a possibility that he might never walk again; what was I supposed to do, sit home and bake a get well soon cake."

"Mom I didn't mean it like that, I just thought-"

"It doesn't pay to think, does it?"

"Sometimes it does." J.D mumbled but quickly stopped talking when his mother raised an eyebrow at him. If it was one person that could make him straighten up his act it had always been his mother.

"Don't sass me young man." his mother hissed again as she turned her face towards the door and prepared to walk out. "Consider this your warning."

"How did you know where I was?" he asked before she could leave the room.

"I asked the tall guy in a blue jumpsuit if he had seen you." she replied without turning around. "It was quite weird actually because he pulled out this funny beeping device and then pointed to the very room you were in, hmm; doesn't matter because I found you and I expect you to be in your brother's room momentarily."

"Mom I was-"

"Sweetheart please don't take what I said as a request because it was anything but."

J.D watched as his mother finally walked out of the room and lowered his head down to the floor. If it hadn't been be for the whistle that was blown out by Perry he would have thought he was in the room by himself.

"I can't believe the janitor low jacked me" he sighed as he began looking all over his body to find some device of some sort.

"I can't believe that beast was your mother."

"Perry, my mother is not a beast."

"Well then what would you call her."

"I would call her…outspoken or blunt maybe but never a beast." he replied as he pulled out a small copper like object out of his hair. "He did low jack me" he shrieked as his head tilted to the side, a sign that an oncoming daydream was near.

"Newbie, here, focus" Perry said as he snapped his fingers in front of the young man's face. He knew that if he didn't break the dream now it would be minutes before he had his attention again. "Is your mother always like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like a…an evil tyrant. I mean she just told you what to do without so much as batting an eyelash or asking you what you wanted to do."

"Yeah" he finally admitted and shrugged his shoulders as he threw the small locating device in the trashcan next to the door. "I guess that she is."

"Wow" Perry blew as he ran his hair through his curly locks. He had dealt with many evil in his life and J.D's mother had just been added to the list; by default of course.

"It's no big deal, she means well"

"Whatever"

"What, what can I say; she's my mother. I can't not love her." J.D hissed as he walked over to the door. He didn't want to get in a fight over his mother with Perry, especially not after the fight they had only a few moments before.

"I know that Claudia, I was simply stating an observation; that's all."

"Well don't because I really need you to get along with her because the fact of the matter is she's my mom. And please, don't feed me that bullcrap that she's too difficult because if you hadn't noticed, you're just as difficult."

"Fine" Perry huffed as he walked over to J.D and grabbed his waist with both hands and pulled him close. He didn't want to make J.D upset again and he realized that talking about his mother would do just that. "I won't talk about your mother anymore."

"And you promise to be nice to her"

"I don't do promises."

"Can you please do this for me, this one thing is all I'm asking for" J.D pleaded to Perry who simply kissed him in agreement. He knew that he was asking a lot from the older man but when it came to his mother, he couldn't stand up to her. He would have responded something back but they were once again interrupted by J.D's mother again; this time by an aggressive page from her to Perry's pager.

"How did she know my-"

"My mother can track down anybody she really wants to find, she's like a blood hound."

"Persistent isn't she?"

"That's my mom for you" J.D smirked as he made his way to out of the door and onto Dan's room. He took a few deep breathes before he walked into the room as well as pop two more pain pills into his mouth. He realized that he shouldn't be take so many a day but he was about to deal with his mother and he needed less pain as possible.

* * *

Swallowing the pills, his thoughts turned back to Perry who had promised to keep his attitude in check when it came to his mother and it made all the negative thoughts disappear. He didn't notice the smile that had been plastered on his face but his brother made it apparent as soon as he walked into the room. 

"Oh I see someone has gotten some nookie from the Coxinator" Dan smirked at his younger brother. He had always teased his brother whenever he was dating someone and him being with Perry didn't make a difference.

"Shut-up Dan"

"What, no love for your newly disabled brother?"

"Hmm, let me think about it; no" J.D smiled as he sat beside his brother's bed. It felt good to see his brother happy after almost being paralyzed but it didn't erase the guilt he felt every time he looked at him. "How you doing?"

"Fine" Dan nodded as he smiled back at his brother. "How about you, how you feeling?"

"Better, I mean I've been better but it could be worse."

"I see your scars are healing."

He looked down at his body and noticed that his scars were definitely healing. There was still some scaring all over his arms and his wrist were covered in bandages from the previous day but there was signs of fading. "Yeah, I guess that they are." he finally smiled as he patted his brother's shoulder. "I mean, I'm still on some Oxycodone for the pain but I am getting better; but back to you, how are you feeling?"

"If you're wondering if I can feel my legs, then the answer is still no" Dan frowned as he looked down at his feet. It was true that he hadn't had any feeling in his limbs since his surgery almost two days ago and a part of him felt as though he would never walk again.

"Dan I'm sor-"

"Don't say it?" he quickly interrupted before turning his eyes back towards his brother. He hated that his brother felt guilty for his current condition even when nothing that happened was his fault. "Don't say it because it's not your fault."

"Isn't it?" J.D cried. "You got shot trying to protect me; you could have died because of me Dan."

"J.D"

"You risked your life for me, don't you get that?"

"Of course I get that" Dan finally hissed as he reached over and grabbed both of J.D's shoulders, shaking him firmly. "I risked my life, I could have died and you know what; I don't care."

"Dan-"

"I risked my life for my brother, my baby brother who I was supposed to protect no matter what and if I was given the opportunity to do it again I wouldn't change a thing."

The room begin to cloud as fresh tears began to fall from J.D's eyes. His brother cared for him, no loved him so much that he was willing to die for him. Thoughts of happiness swirled through his head as he thought of his own love for his brother. He had often thought if the roles would reverse would he have done the same thing. Looking back at his brother, he realized that he would; he would do everything the same.

"J.D"

"Yeah."

"Don't blame yourself, okay?"

"Okay" J.D smiled as he looked at his brother. He had opened his mouth to say something else but the sound of his mother entering the room quickly shut him up. It had only been ten minutes since he had last saw her but he could tell that she was upset, simply by the angry expression on her face.

"Hey mom" Dan waved as she kissed him on the cheek before sitting down in the unoccupied chair beside him.

"Hello Dan." she smiled back. "Hello to you Johnathan, nice to see you made it."

"Hello mom and yes, I made it."

"Good because your brother needs all the support he can get from his family and that includes you"

"Of course"

"Well good" she frowned again as she grabbed her oldest son hands. If she would have noticed the look on her younger son's face she would have saw his eyes fill with sorrow.

Dan noticed the hurt expression in his brother's eyes and decided to change the conversation to something more uplifting.

"So Johnny, when are you coming back to work?"

"I don't know, as soon as Dr. Kelso clears me I guess." J.D shrugged as he picked up the latest issue of the newspaper from the table and began to leaf through it.

"Clears you, from what." his mother frowned as she looked back at J.D.

"Nothing big, just a hospital policy that makes me have a psychological exam to see if I'm fit to work around people."

"Why on earth would you need an exam to see if you can be around people, of course you can be around people. I mean look at, after all you've been through and yet you're here instead of locking yourself in an asylum somewhere."

"Thanks mom-"

"But I definitely agree that you should take plenty of time off."

"I don't think-"

"It doesn't matter what you think because as your mother I know what's best for you." J.D mother quickly snapped before her son could finish his sentence. "And a person of your nature needs plenty of time to recover before they can try to fix other broken people."

"I'm not broken mother."

"Yes you are and it's time you realize that you have always been fragile, unlike your brother and your father."

J.D listened to his mother's words about him and once again that feeling of self doubt and approval from his mother resurfaced once again. He had opened his mouth to say something when an unpleasant came into the room.

"Mr. Dorian you are one hard man to track down."

"What do you want Mr. Every" J.D sneered as he stood up and walked over to the blonde haired lawyer.

"You know what I wanted when I first arrived before your little breakdown" Peter smiled at the young man. "I need your signature for the papers and-"

"Look, I don't want to be the power of attorney over somebody who tried to kill me Mr. Every so why don't you-"

"It doesn't matter what you want, it's about what my client wanted and he wanted you to be his power of attorney as well as inherit all of his finances."

"What?"

"Oh, I must have forgotten to mention that part in where Mr. Adams left you everything that he owned."

"What do you mean everything" J.D asked again as he clasped his brother's side rail attached to his bed, grasping it so hard his knuckles began to turn white.

"You seem like a smart man Mr. Dorian so I don't need to go into great detail when I say that he left you everything including the family house that he inherited and all the property that it entails."

"He left my brother the same house where he kept him hostage and did whatever he wanted to him. How the hell does that sound." Dan yelled at the sneering lawyer.

"I am just the lawyer so I had no control over who Walter left his finances too nor do I have any control over what Mr. Dorian does with them, as long as I get my attorney fees I really could care less." Mr. Every smiled as he flashed sheets of white paper in J.D's face, smiling even broader when he noticed the shocked looks on everyone face's in the room.

"So it's true what they say, lawyers are really heartless bastards." Barbara sniped as she snatched the papers from Peter's hand before J.D had a chance to grab them from Peter's hand.

"Takes one to know one, doesn't it Barbara."

"What can I say, some people learn from their mistakes while others dwell on what they could never have."

J.D and Dan looked back and forth between Peter and their mother with confused looks on their faces. They wanted to know how their mother knew the older gentleman when they had just met only moments before.

"Ah, so nice to see you haven't changed." Peter smiled back at Barbara who was too busy reading over the papers that were in front of her. "I see a thousands of failed marriages haven't made you bitter in the worst possible way."

"And it's nice to see that you are still as bitter as you once were almost a thousands years ago."

"Okay stop" J.D finally yelled at the two bickering adults, growing frustrated that he had no clue what was going on as well as his brother who now harbored the same confused expression. "How do you two know each other."

"Why me and your mother go way back" Peter smiled. "Don't we Babs"

"Yes, dears Peter is one mistake in my life that I have tried furiously to forget about it."

"Now I'm pretty sure you have made bigger mistakes than me; does Sam Dorian ring any bells"

Without warning, Barbara stood up from her chair and a menacing slap rang throughout the room as her hand connected with Peter's tan face; leaving being a red handprint that outlined her hand perfectly. "Keep Sam's name out of your mouth you bastard" she spat as he painfully ran his hand over his face. "He's more of a man more than you could ever be."

"You were a fool then and you're an even bigger fool now"

"It's doesn't matter what you think but listen to me when I tell you this; stay away from me and stay the hell away from my sons." The bitter words were soon followed by the papers that were suddenly thrown in the man's face.

Peter did nothing but smirk as he picked up the papers from the floor and placed them on the end table beside the door before walking out of it. The angry face that they mother had harbored once again overtook her face as she sat back down. Seeing his mother upset had made J.D feel an anger for his mother that he had never felt before. His own blood began to boil as Dan reached a hand over to console their mother. Once the hand touched her shoulder, her face soften up again and her red began to flush from her face as she looked at her two children.

"Mom-"

"Johnathan, I would rather not talk about Peter or anything about my past involving him." she quickly said as she went over to the table and picked up the papers, glancing over them once more. "How could you?"

"How could I what?"

"How could you sign something that would entitle you to get everything that bastard left you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about, I didn't sign anything." J.D cried immediately defended himself.

"Well you must have because what Peter said was true" she accused again. "He left you everything and it appears that your signature is at the bottom of the page. How could you be so stupid Johnathan? What possessed you to-"

"Oh my God-" was all J.D cried out as he walked over and grabbed the paper from his mother's hand. His eyes skimmed over the paper that soon filled his hands and traced all the way to bottom of it. Across the slim dotted line was his name written in black ink across the paper and he felt his heart stop in his chest; the blood no longer flowing through his veins.

_Dr. John M. Dorian_

_Dr. John M. Dorian _

_Dr. John M. Dorian_

The words swirled around in his face as his body began to shake, dizziness quickly setting in. The harsh words that his mother were shouting at him seemed so distanced and all he could see was white lights dancing in front of him. The room began to become smaller and he soon found his body hit the back of the cold wall.

With trembling hands, he dropped the papers to the floor and his hands grabbed the front of his shirt. Clouds of fog swirled around his head and his breathing became heavier and he found it hard to breath. The sounds of panic and concern quickly came from his mother and brother's mouth but the sounds appeared to be spoken in a foreign tongue because they were unrecognizable to J.D's ears as he finally fell to the floor; losing all conscious.

* * *

He had been walking the between the corridors when he got the 911 page concerning J.D. He silently cursed himself for letting J.D go off by himself without him. Perry hated being overbearing but J.D needed that right now because without it, he would just fall to pieces. 

Briskly walking down the hall to the last room on the right he found J.D lying on the bed, asleep from the medication they gave him; IV connected to his body. Sensing his presence, J.D seemed to immediately wake up as soon as Perry stepped foot into the room. Forcing himself to smile, Perry walked over the bed and engulfed J.D into a hug as tears began to quickly fall from his eyes. He didn't mind that that his shirt became wet as the tears poured from J.D's eyes because he knew that J.D needed him.

"I didn't sign any papers, I don't know how he got my signature."

"Don't worry about that" Perry whispered as he just cradled J.D in his arms, supporting him the best way he could.

"How can I not worry Perry? No matter how hard I try to get away from him, his life, it's like he keeps pulling me back. It's not fair, it's just not fair."

Perry said nothing as he kept holding J.D close to him as he left the boy cry. It was nice to see him letting out his emotions instead of keeping them bottled up. It wasn't good for him and would only lead to his destruction.

"Get me out of here" J.D finally said as he stopped crying and pull himself away from Perry. He was tired of being cooped up inside the small cold room and wanted to leave it as soon as possible.

"J.D I-"

"Don't say anything, just get me out of here." J.D quickly said as he yanked the IV out of his arm after removing himself from Perry's arms. He was starting to hate the inside of the hospital and didn't want to do anything but get out of the place.

"Don't you think you should wait to be released by a doctor?"

"I am a doctor Perry so I'm pretty sure I can diagnose my own self." J.D said again this time slightly yelling causing Perry to flinch while still sitting. He didn't seem to notice or care as he stood up from the bed, dizziness over taking him for a moment and causing him to grab the bed railing.

Perry ran to J.D's side as soon as he saw J.D's hand grab the side of the bed and immediately grabbed him into his arms. J.D's skin felt hot to the touch and Perry could that he still was recovering from his fever. He tried to use his position to lay J.D back onto the bed but he the young man quickly recovered and pushed Perry away from him. He tried to reach for J.D again but it was too late, he had already made his way to the other side of the bed.

"J.D please listen to me-"

"Listen to you say what, that I'm not well enough to leave the hospital because I am."

"I'm not saying that" Perry replied again as he walked over to grab J.D's hands and placed them into his. "I do think you're well enough to go home I just want to make sure that you're okay, that's all."

"Well I am okay Per, just please take me home." J.D whispered as his eyes made contact with the floor. He didn't want to spend anymore nights in a hospital alone and he just wanted to fall asleep with Perry by his side.

"Alright, fine." Perry sighed as he pulled J.D into the hug. He knew that he shouldn't have gave into J.D's request so easily; he knew that he should have tried to reason with him more but he couldn't bring himself to make J.D stay in the hospital when he didn't want to.

Not even waiting for the doctor to come back, J.D pulled his shirt back over his head and laid his head on Perry's shoulder as they walked out of the room.

* * *

Oh my God, how the hell do J.D's Mom and Peter know each other and is it me or is J.D taking way to many pills then he is supposed to be taken. What is Perry going to say about it when he finds out, have to wait and see. 

"Ricka"


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary:** Just going to say that I don't own it because frankly I'm tired of writing these things. So onward with the story.

**

* * *

**

Chapter 8

* * *

The ride home was silent as the two men rode back to their apartment, neither saying a word since leaving the room. Perry had left a message for Bob to read when he got in the next morning about him not being able to come into work. He knew he was pushing his luck by not coming into work but he couldn't risk J.D being alone by himself. He still didn't know what happened to make J.D have the panic attack but he didn't want to push him into talking. 

They rode in silence as Perry parked the car and they entered into the elevator still not saying anything to each other. Perry sighed as he pulled the keys out of his pocket but was shocked to see who sitting in his living room in the dark when he flicked on the light.

"Gandhi, how the hell-"

"I got the key from Jordan when she came to the hospital earlier today with Elliot." he quickly said as he rose from the couch. "I still don't know why the two of them arrived together but it was pretty strange seeing the two of them together. Not to mention the fact that Elliot had a big ass hickie on her neck when she came in but-"

"Are you going to get to the point sometime soon or should I go to the local bar and come back in about two hours and see if you've wrapped it up then." Perry growled as he threw his keys on the counter beside the door. He already had a rotten day and another round of fighting with J.D's best friend would make it even worse.

"I'm done" Turk smiled as he looked behind Perry to see his best friend wearing a hurt look on his face. He hated the way J.D was avoiding all eye contact with him all because of the way he acted earlier that morning.

"So" Perry smirked as he walked over to his bar and prepared to pour himself a drink. If he was in for another chew out he would need at least some liquor in his system. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to talk about what happened."

"Well Turk if you don't mind-" J.D finally spoke as he placed his jacket on the coat rack and starting to make his way to the bedroom when he felt a firm grip on his shoulder.

"I'm not here to talk to you."

"Huh-"

"I'm not here to talk to you, well at least not yet" Turk replied again as he let go of J.D's shoulder. His eyes shifted to see Perry putting down the glass that he had in his hand and looking at him with a confused face, the same one J.D had plastered all over his face as he turned around to look at him. "I'm here to talk to Dr. Cox…if that's all right with both of you."

"Um yeah, it's all right with me if it's all right with you" J.D frowned as he looked over to Perry. He had no idea why the two men had to talk to each other but he knew that it must have been an argument about him simply based on the face expression Perry gave his friend when they walked through the door. He realized that if they needed to talk to each other then he would let them hash out their differences without him being in the room. J.D left the room and closed the door behind him allowing the two men to talk amongst themselves.

"You wanna talk to me Gandhi?" Perry said as soon as J.D closed the door behind him and picked up his glass

"Yeah I do" Turk smiled as he sat back down on the couch and waited for Perry to join him. "About yesterday"

"Wanna drink first?"

"No thank-you"

Perry shrugged as he poured hot scotch into his glass and chugged it immediately down his throat. The burning feeling that he had become used seemed more intense then usual but it didn't stop him from pouring himself another glass and chugging the next one the same way.

Finally, after one last shot of alcohol, he sat down on the arm of the chair beside Turk and glanced back over in his direction. He had no clue what the young man was going to say to him but he prepared himself mentally for the blowout.

"So you said you wanted to talk, so talk."

"I'm sorry." Turk finally whispered after a couple of moments of silence.

"What?"

"I said that I'm sorry about what happened last night." Turk replied again, this time looking up at the older man.

"I heard you the first time but I mean why are-"

"It was wrong of me to accuse you of not caring about J.D when it's obvious to everyone that you do."

"Wow" Perry blew as he looked Turk and knew that he was being honest. He had been expecting another tongue-lashing from the bald surgeon that the last thing he expected was an apology. "I wasn't expecting that"

"I know how you feel" Turk laughed. "I wasn't expecting to say it but here I am."

"Why are you saying it then?"

"Because someone made me realize that I was wrong and that it was time that I swallowed my pride and showed my friend that I accept all his decisions, even the crazy ones."

"So you think living with me is a crazy decision?" Perry grunted as he began to get up from the couch but was stopped when Turk placed his hand onto his.

"That's not what I meant" Turk sighed when he grabbed Perry's hand to keep him from getting up. He didn't really know what he wanted to say to the man but he knew he to say something to keep him from walking away before he finished saying what he wanted to say.

"Oh then what did you mean?"

"I meant that I am going to accept J.D no matter what he decides to do with his life or who he decides to spend it with. He's my best friend and I just…don't wanna lose him."

He could see the pain in Turk's eyes and knew that all the harsh words that were said the night before were words of fear and not words of hatred. He realized that if he was placed in the same position, he too would feel as though he was losing his best friend.

"You're not going to lose Newbie, Gandhi."

"Really because I think I am, I mean look that he choose to live with." Turk blew. "He didn't want to come back to our place because he would rather live with you."

"It's not why he came to live with me-"

"I know it was because he didn't feel safe in his room anymore but that means he doesn't feel safe around me anymore."

"Gandhi-"

"You're becoming his best friend and soon, you're going to be taking my place."

"Turk" Perry finally said interrupting Turk before he could say anything else. He felt compassion for the surgeon but hated that he was feeling sorry for himself, it wasn't the arrogant man was supposed to act. "I'm not going to take your place."

Turk's eyes widen at the words that were coming out of Perry's mouth, especially the fact that for the first time in almost five years he had used his real name. It made him feel even worse for the way he treated the man less than twenty-four hours before.

"I'm never going to take your place because you mean the world to J.D"

"But I'm not first anymore"

"What?"

"Look when I met J.D he had no one that he could confide in-" Turk sighed as he leaned back in the chair. "I was the first person he considered his true friend, the one he could talk to about anything and it felt good being first but ever since he met you I feel as though we're not as close as we used to be."

"Gandhi I get that you feel like you're on the outside looking in, I really do but just because Clarissa will come to me with her problems first sometimes doesn't mean I'll care about all of it." Perry smiled as he patted Turk on the shoulder. "He'll still come to talk to you about all the stuff that the two of you idiots talk about often."

Turk looked back at Perry and realized that he was right, he wasn't going to lose J.D; he was always going to be there for him no matter what. What he was afraid of was J.D getting hurt by Perry but he realized that Perry wasn't going to hurt him so there was nothing left to be afraid of. He smiled at the man beside him and was about to say something when his pager went off. Looking down at it, he saw that it wasn't anyone but Carla, probably calling to make sure he did what he was supposed to do.

"Who's that?"

"It's Carla"

"So she sent you over here?" Perry laughed as Turk got up to go to the door and be followed behind him to let him out. "I should've known."

"She didn't send me over here Dr. Cox," he frowned as he grabbed the door handle, "She told me to come over and talk to you but she didn't know when I was going to do it."

"It's Carla, she already knows"

"You know she probably does" Turk smiled as he opened the door and walked out of it. Perry

* * *

J.D closed the door behind him and willed his body away from the door. He knew that whatever the two of them had to talk about was personal and he didn't want to intrude on their conversation. 

Walking over to the bed, he kicked off his shoes and walked over to the bathroom. He looked in mirror and for some reason the words of his mother rang in his head.

"_You're fragile Johnathan and it's high time you realize it."_

Shaking his head, he pushed all thoughts of his mother out of his aside as he turned on the knob in the bathtub. It was something he had been longing to do since he got of the hospital, soak in a nice hot bubble bath and even though his skin was still healing he knew it would hurt as soon as it hit the hot water it was something that he had been longing to do. Going back to his jacket, he pulled out his medication and poured the white circular pills into his hands. Not bothering to see how many pills he poured out, he simply popped the pills into his mouth and went back to the bathroom.

Slowly, he stripped off all his clothes and slowly placed his body into the hot water. Pain soared through his body as each piece of flesh entered the tub but it seemed to disappear as fast as it had appeared, all thanks to the drugs that J.D had taken beforehand.

Raising the soap to his body, he began to run it all over his skin; tracing each bruise and scar as he did so. As his eyes looked at the skin on his body, he had a suddenly feeling of disgust wash over his body. Every burn mark, cut, bruise represented an impurity that he just couldn't seem to wash off. The more the soap lathered and covered every inch of his body, the feeling seemed to intensify each time. The feeling started to overwhelm him as he dug his nails into skin, trying to claw away the disgusted feeling that he felt.

"_It's all your fault ya know."_

"What?" was all he whispered as the soap dropped from his hand and his stomach churned when he realized who the voice was.

"_It's your fault you're like this" _the familiar voice sneered again as J.D turned around to see the faint image of himself looking back at him, a broad smile on his face. He watched as he walked over closer to him, resting at the edge of tub with the smile still wide on his face. _"And no amount of scrubbing will change that so you might as well except it."_

"No not again" J.D whispered as he tried to back away from himself but only moved as far as the tub would let him. He raised his arm and saw the red marks that outlined all his skin from trying to scrub his skin raw.

"_So I'm assuming that you are still in denial about everything that has been going on huh"_

"You're not real."

"_This again" _he smiled at him as he inched himself closer to J.D_. "You mean to tell me that you still think that I am nothing more than a figment of your "imagination?" _

"That's all you are because you are not real" J.D replied as he grabbed the side of the tub, trying to will himself up but the effects of taking too much medication along with the sedative still in his system started to fully kick in as he suddenly became overwhelmed with a wave of dizziness.

"_Oh did the little baby take too much medicine?" _he laughed as J.D tried to lift himself up again but to no avail. The medicine was too much for him and it was making him unable to move. _"How sad"_

"Go away."

"_Can't take the truth can you? You still haven't realized that nobody wants you around Johnathan, no one. I am the only friend that you've got because last time I checked, Turk hates you, and Perry pities you."_

"Shut-up, Perry loves me more than you will ever know and nothing you can say will change that."

"_Oh really" _he laughed again as he got up from the rim of the tub and paced back and forth on the tile floor. _"How come he doesn't want to have sex with; and please, don't tell me it's because he thinks you're not ready because I know the truth. The only reason he wanted you in the first place was because you were untainted, pure and now, now you're nothing but Walter's sloppy seconds and you do nothing but disgust him every time he looks at you_.

"No, that's not true"

"_Yes it is and you know it, just like you know you disgust your mom. She hates you so much and it hurts your soul to know that nothing you do will make her love you. She wishes that you were never born."_

"Liar" J.D yelled but it came out as a whisper as he watched the figure move closer to him and his attempts to get away had failed him and he couldn't do anything but listen to what he was hearing. "My mom loves me."

"_She hates you" _he whispered back, lips pressed on J.D's ears_. "How could she love a pathetic, weak loser like you? She doesn't care, nobody does and it's time you realize it."_

"No-"

"_They want nothing more then for you to die; in fact, how about you do us all a favor and kill yourself right now."_

"I don't want to do that-"

"_You might as well do it now because when you see the truth, you're going to wish that you had died that night in the woods; I'll make sure of that."_

"Go away" he finally was able to yell as he used all the strength that he had in his body to push himself up to look at himself in the eye

"_After you" _

J.D opened his mouth to say something when suddenly he felt himself being pushed down in the water. Water washed over his face as the image of himself pushing him down in the tub was all he could see before the soap covered his eyes. He opened his mouth to scream but all that did was cause water to be flooded down his throat. The soap in the water burned his eyes as he tried to pull himself up but nothing he did worked. He fought as hard as he could but the overdose of the medication was making his body weak and the more he fought the tired he became.

* * *

He had closed the door behind Turk and walked back over to the bar. He had opted to make himself another drink when he realized that J.D had been in the bedroom for a long time. Deciding that it was time to check on him, he walked over to the bedroom and noticed that the light was off and the room appeared to be empty. He saw that the bathroom door was closed but the light was on and he figured that J.D was in there. It was then when he had walked over to the door he heard the noise coming from. To him, they seemed as nothing but mumbles as he pressed his ear against the door to get a better idea of what was going on but all he could hear was J.D apparently talking to himself. 

"Go away" was the only clear thing he heard before a big splash came out of nowhere and rang throughout the room. Panicking, Perry tried to open the door but realized that it was locked. He began to bang on the door as the slashing continued and his heart leaped into his stomach when the splashing suddenly stopped; leaving nothing but an eerie silence in it's place.

Mustering all the strength he could, he picked up his foot and began to kick the door in. Finally, on his third kick, the door flew open and Perry ran toward the tub; careful not to slip on the wet floor when he saw J.D's lifeless body in the tub. Quickly pulling him out, he found that J.D had no pulse so he laid him on the floor and immediately began administering CPR, trying to do whatever he could to resuscitate him.

Pumping his chest and pressing his mouth to the still warm lips of J.D's, it wasn't long before the young man sprang forward in his arms and coughed up every once of water he had swallowed. Perry moved him to his side to allow the water to come out faster and pulled J.D back into his arms once it was all out.

* * *

He focused his eyes and looked around the room to see that his figure had once again disappeared and he was no longer underneath the cold water but was in the comforting arms of Perry. He immediately threw his arms around Perry's neck and balanced himself against him as he carried him out of the bathroom and into their bedroom. 

He watched as Perry grabbed the antiseptic from the dresser as well as mover bandages to wrap his wet wrist again. He made no sound as the cold cream made contact with his skin nor did he say anything when Perry wrapped his wrist much to tightly for his pleasure. J.D could feel Perry's hands move up his legs as he placed a pair of sweatpants onto his body, pausing momentarily to rest at his hips.

Perry held his breath as he moved his hands to dress J.D. His eyes gazed at all the cuts and marks on his body and seeing them for the first time made his heart ache knowing that there was nothing he could have done to stop it. Resting his hands at J.D's hips, he gazed over the one especially long cut that made his own scar seemed tiny in comparison and before he realized what he was doing he had moved his hand to trace over the wound; careful not to press to hard on it. Moving from one cut his hand soon found another cut, bruise, or burn that could replace it.

He silently watched as Perry used his hand to trace over the soon to be scars of his body and wished that he could magically make them disappear because he knew that no matter what, those same scars would haunt him for the rest of his life; would haunt Perry for the rest of his life and he didn't want that. He didn't like the feeling that would make Perry regret falling for him.

"Stop that"

J.D was jerked out of his thoughts as he realized that Perry had stopped touching his stomach and moved his hands back to J.D's side. "What-"

"Stop thinking that I regret being with you because I don't." Perry whispered again as he lay down beside J.D and wrapped one arm around his waist. He didn't know how, but he had immediately known what J.D was thinking and he hated when he thought things like that.

"How did-"

"I don't know but I do know that I don't regret telling you how I felt because if it means I get to hold you like this every night then there's nothing to regret."

"But he said-"

"I don't care what Walter said because it doesn't matter what he said, I love you."

"Even after everything that's happened?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, you just don't know how much" J.D whispered as he wiped a fresh tear from his eyes as he moved his body closer to Perry and rested his head on his shoulder. His heart could tell that Perry meant every word that he said but he still couldn't shake the words that his image self told him. Could Perry be in love with him and afraid to touch him at the same time.

"J.D what happened?" was what Perry finally said as he once again pulled J.D's body close to his and surrounded him into a hug once more. It was what he had longed to say but dreaded the answer that he would get in return.

"What are you talking about?"

"In the bathroom, before I heard the splashing I heard you talking to what apparently was yourself and then I heard you fall. You did fall right."

J.D turned up his head to look Perry in the eyes and tried to think of a lie to tell Perry but nothing came to him. He could have told him that he slipped in the tub on the soap that he dropped or fell asleep while bathing but he knew that he needed to face the truth, that he wasn't okay and that maybe it was time for him to ask for some help.

"I don't really know but I think that I need more help than I thought." was all he said as he laid his head back on Perry's shoulder and drifted off to a dark sleep.

Perry listened as J.D's breathing became slower and even before he kissed his forehead and wrapped him even tighter in a hug. He had always knew that J.D was going to need more help to get past everything then he had let on and was happy that he was finally admitting it to him.

"Don't worry, I'll be there for you every step of the way." he whispered in his ear as he too fell into darkness and let the sleep surround him as well.

* * *

See I told you that Turk would come to his senses and realize that he didn't want to lose J.D as a friend and good Dr. Cox for being a friend to him for once but don't expect it to happen often. Don't worry J.D and Turk will talk real soon and patch things up like old times. As for Newbie, poor J.D, almost drowning in the tub and his evil counterpart telling him that he's worthless. Good thing Perry was there to pull him out in time and make sure he was okay even if he really wasn't. Will it ever get better for him or is he destined to end up in pain? You just have to wait and see and I will try to have the next chapter up by Next Saturday because that's my day off. 

"Ricka"


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary: I know it has been forever since my last update but I'm out of school now for vacation so I decided to start writing again. It took me awhile to find a new muse but so far so good; they haven't let me down yet. Anyways I hope I still have some loyal readers out there who will be happy that I've updated again and I promise not to go a long time without updating. If I do feel free to come and smother me with my pillow. Just Kidding. So on to the disclaimer.**

* * *

**Disclaimer: Don't own it, don't own it, don't own it. There Bill, are you happy now. Now on to Chapter Nine!**

* * *

**Chapter 9**

* * *

The sound of the alarm going off in his ear was the first thing Perry heard when he awoke the next morning. He let out a small growl escaped his lips as he noticed the time was a quarter to seven. He was supposed to be in at six but he would get there when he did, he wasn't scared of Kelso.

Looking over, he found J.D head rested in his arms as his legs were wrapped tightly around his own. The young man was soundly sleeping and obliviously to the world. A small smile crept on the side of his face as he tried to unwind J.D from his arm trying his best not to wake the younger man up but failed tremendously when J.D turned over and kissed him on the forehead.

"Sorry, didn't mean to wake you." Perry apologized as he lifted J.D's head and moved his arm out from underneath him. He ran his hand gently through J.D's hair igniting a purr from J.D as he rested his head on Perry's shoulder.

"That's okay, I heard the alarm go off anyway."

"Still you need your rest."

"I slept enough last night."

"Yeah J.D…we need to talk."

"About what Perry?"

"About last night."

His head shot up as soon as the sentence left Perry's mouth. He was not in the mood to talk about last night's ordeal. Hell he wasn't even sure if he wanted to talk about it ever. "What about last night?"

Perry rolled his eyes at the question. So J.D was going to play this game, answering his questions with questions. "J.D-"

"Perry-"

"Fine, I need to know-" Perry started to say but then suddenly stopped. The look on J.D's face showed him that J.D probably didn't want to talk about it yet. He knew that they still needed to talk about what had happened but he couldn't do it just yet, not before he had a chance to process for himself anyways.

"Perry-"

"You know what never mind, I have to get ready for my shift and you-you are going to lay back down and get some more rest. You look like hell."

"Gee thanks." J.D frowned as he laid his head back on the pillow. A small kiss from Perry was enough to put a smile back on his face and he continued to smile as Perry walked towards the bathroom.

The sound of the shower coming on helped him to drown out the world as he pulled the covers back over his body. He could sense that Perry wanted to ask him what really happened last night in the bathroom, what exactly made him fall into the water. Obviously he couldn't tell him that someone pushed him in, he would sound crazier than he already was and he couldn't have people thinking that. They would immediately want to push him into therapy and that was something he definitely didn't need. Did he.

"No." was his final answer as he closed his eyes. He didn't need anyone trying to force him to come to terms with what happened. It was over, done with and he would move on by himself in time. It wasn't like he was alone in the matter, he had Perry, Elliot, Carla, and maybe even Turk who would help him move him. They had too, they were his friends.

* * *

By the time Perry finished with his shower he returned only to find J.D asleep again. Quietly he put on his scrubs finished getting ready for his day at the hospital. His heart sped up momentarily at the thought of leaving J.D in the apart alone but he knew he couldn't miss another day at the hospital. He knew he would have to learn that he couldn't protect J.D twenty-four seven but it was going to be extremely hard. Leaving a note was the last thing he did before he grabbed his keys and made his way out of the apartment.

Three hours later, J.D found himself awake for the second time that morning and decided that he didn't want to spend the day cooped up in the apartment. Scratching his head, he got up from the bed and made his way over to the nightstand and found the note that Perry left.

_-J.D-_

_You're probably already know that I'm at the hospital and won't be back until later. Food's in the fridge if you get hungry. See ya later_

_-Perry-_

J.D placed the note back on the dresser and walked towards the bathroom. His body ached and he wanted nothing more than a hot shower and some pills to ease the pain. Opening the medicine cabinet he saw that the strongest medicine in there was aspirin and that would not do anything for his pain. He realized that Perry probably took the pills with him last night after what had happened. J.D couldn't blame the man for being worried but he wished that he could have done it at a better time.

Cursing silently, he closed the door and shed his clothes after he turned on the shower. A bath would probably be too much for him to handle at the moment so he decided against it. Thirty minutes later, he went back into the bedroom and dressed himself. He knew that he didn't want to be stuck inside all day so he decided to go somewhere.

Another thirty minutes passed before he made his way out the door and out of the complex. Forgetting that he didn't have a car, he concluded that he had to walk to the hospital which he didn't mind, it gave him time to think about what he would say to Kelso about his job.

His job, just thinking about it made his heart race faster than usual. Was he ready to go back to work, be around people who could just be out to get him? Could he treat patients without feeling like they wanted to hurt him? He knew that he couldn't stay locked up in Perry's apartment for the rest of his life but what could he do.

The thoughts swirled around in his head as he his heart continued to race and soon he found himself dizzy. Lucky for him there was a bench right beside him ready to take his fall. He couldn't breath as he placed his head in his hands, trying to regulate his breathing but it didn't seem to be working.

"Are you alright?"

J.D looked up and noticed that a young man was standing in front of him with concerned look in his eyes. Quickly he shook his head yes and began to run in the direction of the hospital. He didn't need pity from strangers on the street just like he didn't need pity from his friends.

* * *

Ten minutes later he found himself in front of the hospital and entered it without hesitation. He immediately found himself at the nurses station and threw a wave to Carla as he made his way over.

"Bambi." Carla smiled as she placed a kiss on his cheek. "What are you doing here?"

"Got bored and decided to come here" he shrugged, "Thought I could talk to Kelso about coming back to work."

"This soon."

"Yeah…I mean I can't sit at the apartment forever can I. I need to get back to work, I need to feel needed again."

"I know you feel restless J.D but do you think you're ready." concern dripping from voice. She didn't mean to pry but she couldn't help it; he was her Bambi and she just wanted the best for him.

"I will be Carla, no need to worry about me." J.D smiled, loving the way Carla mothered him.

"Okay Bambi, just be careful."

He continued to smile as she kissed the her cheek, copying the actions she had did moments before and started to walk away. "I will, I promise."

"And J.D-"

"What" turning on his heel to look back at Carla.

"Cafeteria." was all she said as she threw him another smile and returned back to her work.

"Thanks." J.D mumbled as the Latino woman walked away. He didn't know how Carla knew what he was thinking but he didn't have time to ask, he had to find someone.

* * *

It wasn't long before he found himself inside the cafeteria and saw the person he was looking for who was preoccupied with the burger and fries on his plate. Slowly, he made his way over and sat down.

"Hey Turk, can we talk?"

Turk looked up from his tray and stared at his best friend. He knew that they would have to talk eventually but he didn't know it would be this soon. Still, he wanted to make amends with J.D as soon as possible so if he wanted to talk, he was going to listen. "Yeah, what about?"

"I want to say that I'm sorry" he whispered in one breath. "For everything."

"J.D look-"

"No Turk let me finish. I need to say this because I was wrong for hiding from you. All you wanted to was help me through this entire mess…and I pushed you away; it wasn't fair to you or me."

"J.D I'm not mad about that."

"What?

"I said that I'm not mad about that, pushing me away and all."

"Then why are you pissed at me?"

Turk sighed as he pushed his tray away from him and looked J.D in the eye. He wasn't mad at his best friend anymore, just hurt that he didn't trust him with his feelings. "I guess I was pissed off at the fact that you were putting Perry before me."

"Dude, I don't under-"

"Stand I know but I couldn't help it, I was jealous."

"Jealous, why?"

"Because" he sighed as he looked up at J.D. "I felt as though Dr. Cox was taking my place." pausing slightly before he continued his explanation, "When we finally got you back I thought that everything would be back to normal but you wanted to move in with Perry and stay with me and Carla. I didn't know how to respond to that. I felt like I was being pushed aside."

"I'm sorry Turk. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I know you didn't and I'm sorry for treating you differently. I only want what's best for you and if living with Perry is it then I'm happy."

"Really-" J.D smiled at his best friend as the tension between them was slowly disappearing. "You mean it."

"Yeah I do V-bear, I'm happy for you."

"Thank you so much Turk, I really needed to hear that."

"Well I'm glad I told you."

Both friends laughed as J.D reached over and grabbed some fries from Turk's plate and stuffed them in his mouth. It felt good to have his best friend back and everything going back to normal.

"So-" Turk replied breaking J.D's thought, "Anything new going on."

"Jordan and Elliot hooked up."

"No way." Turk shrieked as he dropped his fork.

"Way." J.D smiled again. "Caught them yesterday."

"Dude you gotta tell me everything."

"Of course SCB."

* * *

An hour later J.D felt better as he left the cafeteria with Turk who had just received a page for a surgical consult. Being alone and having nothing but free time, J.D decided it would be a good time for him to Dr. Kelso. He didn't even have to knock on the door because it was already open so J.D quietly walked on in.

"Hey sport." Kelso greeted but never letting his eyes leave the paper that was in front of him. "What can I do for you this fine afternoon?"

"I want to come back to work."

"I'm sorry what?"

"I said I want to come back to work." J.D replied again, taking a seat in one of the chairs. "I'm ready to come back sir."

"Dr. Dorian, I am aware of your situation and I greatly sympathize with you but I don't think you are mentally capable of coming back to work here."

"But I'm fine Dr. Kelso, I really am. I was cleared from Shady Oaks wasn't I so what would make you think that I wasn't capable of coming back to work."

"Son-"

"No." J.D yelled, hands clamping the side of the desk so hard that his knuckles were turning white. "I'm tired of everyone telling me that I'm need time to get over what happened when I don't want to think about it at all. It happened and now I'm over it so please let me come back to work."

"I'm sorry Dr. Dorian." Kelso sighed as he placed the laid the paper he was reading back on the desk. He wouldn't admit it but he actually felt sorry for the kid. It's not as if he didn't want to re-instate him but he couldn't, he had to follow hospital policy.

"You're sorry, why the hell won't you help me?"

"Because I can't." Dr. Kelso snapped, whipping his head around so that he was looking J.D in the eye. "I can't have you around patients until you have a psychological evaluation that says you cleared to come back to work."

"But I already had one of those-"

"To be released from the hospital but not one to clear you and allow you to come back to work. You have to attend at least twelve sessions for a total of six weeks and if the psychologist thinks that you are fit for work then you can come back but until then you have to take a paid medical leave. Hospital policy."

J.D gritted his teeth as Kelso words sunk into his head. He though that it would be easy for him to come back to the place that he felt most secure for the past four years but he guessed he was wrong. If he wanted to get his job back he was going to have to go to the sessions and become cleared. Just the thought of it made him hate his life even more.

"Fine." he finally said as he watched Dr. Kelso pick up the paper again and started reading it. "When do I start?"

"Don't worry about it Sport, I'll set the appointment up for you and page you when the time comes."

J.D was fuming as he left Dr. Kelso's office, unhappy that he had to talk to the hospital's shirk about what Walter did to him. Hadn't they had enough of trying to pry the information out of him. He already told them that he was okay but it seemed as if no one was listening to him.

"Jonathan"

J.D turned around to see his mother standing behind him, arms crossed at her chest and an glare plastered across her face. "Hey mom."

"What are you doing here?"

"I work here what do you think?"

"Haven't been by to see how your brother's doing that's for sure."

"Mom-"

"Do you know how much pain your brother is in." Barbara snapped at her younger son. "He needs to have surgery for God sakes and you, you're off trailing behind that doctor of yours instead of caring for your own brother."

"He's not my doctor he's my boyfriend mother."

"He's a waste if you ask me-"

"Well I didn't-"

"And if you had then you wouldn't be in the mess that you're in." she interrupted him completely. not caring if he was talking to her.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that if you weren't so wrapped up in that boss of yours you would have been better prepared when you were attacked and none of this would have happened. Your brother wouldn't have been shot trying to save you."

"Perry saved me too mom. He has been there for me more times then I could count. It's not his fault what Walter did to me." J.D defiantly said, not caring that he was disrespecting his mother but he had to defend Perry at all cost. "He didn't do anything wrong."

"I don't believe you."

"I don't care. Perry was stabbed trying to save me and he risked a lot in order to bring me home. I'm sorry that Dan was hurt and if I could take his place I would but it still doesn't give you the right to blame Perry when it's not his fault."

"Like hell it isn't." Barbara countered, "If it hadn't been for him, Dan would not be in the condition he's in."

"Dan, is he all you care about." J.D asked. "What about me mom, what about what happened to me?" J.D asked.

"This isn't about you Jonathan. Your brother is fighting for his life and he may not be able to walk again, did you know that

"Oh course I know that mom, I'm a doctor, a good one and I work at a hospital that's going to make sure that he get's the best treatment possible."

"You call this place a good hospital." Barbara scoffed as she walked closer to her son. "How can you call this a good hospital when they let some psycho roam around the hospital and kidnap you like you were some child."

"I am not a child."

"Then stop acting like a child and a pathetic spoiled brat and grow the hell up."

"Then you stop acting like a bitch and more like a mother."

He couldn't stop the words that flew out of his mouth just like he couldn't stop the hand that connected with his face. The left side of his face stung as his mother looked at him with shock in her eyes at what she had done. His mother had hit him for the first time ever in his life.

"Jonathan, I'm sor-"

"Save it. I don't even care anymore." he spat as he backed away from her and out the nearest exit, still caressing his left cheek. He couldn't believe that his mother hit him, after basically blaming him for what happened. His heart dropped when he realized that another person in his life that he trusted betrayed him.

* * *

He didn't know how long he ran but he soon found himself back inside Perry's apartment. His head still spinning from what happened earlier. Immediately he ran to the bar and grabbed the first glass of scotch he could find and poured it down his throat. The amber liquid burned his mouth and stomach.

"_When you're done with that there are pills in the medicine cabinet."_

"Not again_."_ J.D whispered as he saw the image of himself appear to him yet again. He closed his eyes to see if he would go away but it didn't work. As soon as he opened them again the image of himself was leaning on the counter right beside him.

"_Surprised to see me."_

"Go away."

"_What, no love for your only friend?" _the image grinned maliciously at J.D. _"Now Johnny where are your manners?"_

"Leave me alone." J.D spat into the air and grabbed another bottle, the alcohol from the first one already taking it's effect. "Please get out of my head."

"_So you can drink yourself into oblivion. Seriously, I'm starting to think you're trying to off yourself" _he laughed again as J.D poured more alcohol in his mouth._ "Well I guess you just proved me right."_

'Why are you doing this to me?" J.D yelled to the image of himself again, noticing that he was wearing the same clothes that he worn the day Walter had taken him except they were torn and bloody. "Why won't you go away?"

"_Don't blame me because you're so damn needy." _the image smirked as he walked closer to J.D's side until they were nearly touching._ "It's not my fault no one wants to be around you."_

"S'not true, you're lying."

"_Really then why are you popping the pills and downing liquor like they're candy and soda."_

"It's…all your fault-"

"_No J.D it isn't; this is all you."_

"Get out of my head, get away from me."

"_Make me, make me go away Johnny. Oh that's right you can't."_

"I can-"

"_No you can't because you're weak." _he spat again as J.D slumped against the counter, the sadistic smile still on his face_. "You're weak and pathetic just like your mother said. Nobody wants you, nobody."_

"Mm…not weak." J.D hissed as he gripped the countertop, feeling the alcohol flow through his body. It didn't stop him from drinking more out of the bottle before putting it down.

"_Well J.D if you're so strong then why do you keep trying to kill yourself."_

"I'm not trying to kill myself" J.D stuttered, barely hanging on to the countertop, "Just want…pain to go...away."

"_The pain will never go away." _the image hissed at the pained man, smirking all the while_, "It will always be there unless you do something about it."_

"Don't wanna die-"

"_All the same, it would be better if you were dead. Nobody wants to save you J.D because they're tired of saving your weak ass. Your mother, your brother, Perry. Don't you get it, you're nothing to them."_

"Perry will always come."

"_For how long J.D. How long before he gives up on you too. You might as well face it, no one is coming to save you anymore. Just give it up. Kill yourself already so I can move on from you; so they all can move on."_

J.D tried to block out the sounds of himself laughing when the room starting to spin and the alcohol finally took it's effect. The bottle fell to the ground and shattered glass everywhere beneath him. He soon found his body no longer needed the counter to hold him up but instead he fell to the floor with a thump. He couldn't keep his eyes open and the image as well as the rest of the room faded as he gave into the darkness, again.

* * *

**Oh my God, what have I done. J.D not only gets slapped by his mother, he has J.D number two on his case and now has to seek help from a shrink. What's a poor doctor to do? I don't know but one thing I do know is that his road to recovery will not be easy as long as J.D number two and Walter have anything to say about it. Stay tuned for the next chapter and I hoped everyone who read enjoyed it. I had alot of fun writing it and just wanted to give something nice for the readers. Until next time.**

**"Ricka"**


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary: I know it has been ages since my last update and I also know that alot of you have gave up hope that there would be a new chapter but never fear, I am back. Yes I have pushed through the writer block walls and have found strength to give all my loyal readers another chapter. Please don't be mad that I made you wait because they were really thick walls but I will promise to try my best and give you another chapter before the year is out. I promise**

* * *

**Disclaimer: Don't own it, don't own it, don't own it. There Bill, are you happy now. Now on to Chapter Ten!**

* * *

**Chapter 10**

It didn't take long for the news about J.D's mother hitting spread throughout the hospital, especially since Lavern was there to witness it. It was also wasn't long before Perry demanded Kelso to let him leave early to make sure J.D was okay. There wasn't much of a fight seeing as how Kelso knew of incident and how Perry would leave regardless of what he said.

So with that, Perry made his way home and discovered a passed out J.D on the floor by the bar surrounded by pieces of broken glass.

"Dammit J.D." Perry muttered to himself as he picked up the younger man and carried him to the bedroom, laying him across the bed. Once J.D was settled, Perry then went into the kitchen to grab the trashcan to pick up the broken glass. It didn't take long for the doctor to pick up the broken glass and throw it away nor did it take him long to figure out how to help J.D. Making sure that J.D was still asleep, he pulled out his cell phone to make a very important phone call.

After he made the call, Perry placed the trashcan back into the kitchen and made himself comfortable on the living room sofa. He didn't have anything to do but wait for J.D to wake up and tell him what happened.

The throbbing pain inside J.D's head was the first thing he felt when he woke up. Opening his eyes, he realized that he was no longer by the bar but instead he was in the bed. To avoid the feeling of dizziness and the nausea of a hangover, J.D slowly rose from the bed and walked out of the bedroom to find a sleeping Perry on the sofa. J.D realized that Perry must have heard about what happened with his mother and came to check up on him, only to find him passed out on the floor.

"Perry-"

"Glad to see you're finally awake there Pricilla" Perry interrupted, turning over to see a horrible looking J.D standing behind him. "Thought you might be out for the night."

"What are you doing home?"

"Hmm lets see; I come home after hearing about what happened between you and mommy dearest after getting ripped a new one by Bob for wanting to make sure you were okay only to find that you're okay. In fact you're so okay that you decided to drink my best scotch to celebrate and throw glass everywhere to show the world that you're okay."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean for this to happen."

"You bet your ass you didn't mean for it to happen but that doesn't matter because this ends now."

"I said I was sorry."

"Sorry doesn't cut it anymore."

"What does that mean?"

"I mean everything J.D, all of it." Perry jumped up from the chair and grabbed J.D by the shoulders, "The drinking, the pill popping, the suicide attempts-"

"I never tried to kill myself-"

"Oh really, because finding you in the bathtub drowning, high on pills doesn't count as an attempted suicide, and yes I counted the pills. I mean my God how do you down almost a whole bottle of pills in less than a week. And lets not forget about finding you passed out with a whole bottle of scotch in your system which by the way is a good way to die of alcohol poisoning. If these aren't signs that you need help then I must be the world's worst doctor."

"I've told you before that I don't need help, I can do this on my own Perry." J.D hissed as he tried to pull away but the alcohol and Perry's strength was keeping him trapped. "Besides, even if I need help I didn't ask for your help."

"You don't have to ask for help to be in need of it."

"I can handle this just fine."

"No you can't and you won't."

"Don't tell me what I can't do you bastard."

"Then a bastard is what I'll be if that means you seek the counseling that you need."

"For the last freaking time I don't need help. What happened is over and done with and I don't care anymore. Just let it go."

"I can't" Perry whispered, "I can't let it go and I can't do this anymore. So if you won't get the help that you need then all I can say is that I'm done."

"What do you mean you're do?"

"I said I'm done." Perry replied again, letting J.D go and walking past him and towards the door. "I can't do this anymore."

"No you don't-" J.D ran until he was in front of Perry and pushed him before he had a chance to get to the door. Perry was startled by the push, tripped over his foot, and fell to the ground. "You do not get to walk away from me."

"You so did not want to go there Stacy." Perry growled at J.D as he tried to get up but J.D sat on top of him, pressing all his weight down.

"So you're just going to walk away from me. I thought you loved me."

"Get the hell off me."

"So that you can do what, walk out on me and leave me alone. I will not let that happen."

"You don't have much of a choice."

"How can you do this and love me at the same time. You're nothing more than a liar."

Since Perry was much stronger than J.D it only took one swift move to roll over and pin J.D to the floor beneath him. "God help me I do, I love you so much that I refuse to watch you self destruct because you're too stubborn to get the help you need." Perry hissed at the squirming man under him, "I already have one train wreck of a life to deal with and I do not need another one."

"That's not me-"

"Yet, that's not you yet but it will be unless you get help. I want what's best for you and what's best for you is to get help."

Perry said nothing else as he got up and made his way towards the door. He took one last look at J.D before he grabbed his coat and walked out.

Breathing sharply, he grabbed his side as he walked to the elevator. The pain of being thrown to the floor did nothing good for his stab wound that hadn't healed fully yet but he wasn't about to let it stop him from leaving. Leaving proved a point to J.D, that he meant what he said about him getting help and he could only pray to God that J.D listened.

J.D sat up on the floor and stared at the door Perry recently walked out of. He couldn't believe that the one person who stood by his side through everything was actually walking away.

Tears clouded his vision as he used his last bit of strength to pull himself from the floor and walk over to the sofa. Still hung-over, his head and body ached as he laid down and curled up in ball. He continued to cry as realization sunk in that Perry was serious; that if he didn't get help then he would walk away forever.

The more he thought about the more he realized that Perry could be right. The voices and images in his head weren't going away on their own, no matter had hard he tried to push them aside. If he wanted his life back to the way it was he was going to have to let someone help him and he knew just the person.

Quickly, he got up from the sofa and grabbed the phone to call the hospital. If Perry wanted him to get help then he was going to get it. He couldn't live the rest of his life broken and alone.

After calling the hospital psychiatrist to set up an early morning appointment, he put the phone down and walked back to the sofa to wait for Perry to return.

* * *

It was past midnight when Perry made his way back home. After a few drinks at the bar, he drove to Jordan's house to see Jack only to gratefully found Jordan out for the evening. He didn't ask where since he didn't care and told the nanny that he would stay with Jack until Jordan came back, giving her the rest of the night off. He spent the evening caring for Jack and thinking about J.D wondering if he would listen to him.

Deep down Perry knew that he would leave J.D, not with him in the state that he was in but he wanted to make him see that he did need help. There are some things that you can't deal with on his own and only with professional help would he be able to overcome them. It hurt him a great deal to give J.D the ultimatum but he didn't have a choice; it was either get help or lose him forever to a mental breakdown or even worse, death.

Jack had been asleep for a few hours when Jordan finally came home surprised to see him at her place.

"What are you doing here?" Jordan asked as she threw her keys on the counter and hung up her coat. "You and D.J fighting already."

"Not now Jordan." Perry grumbled in response as he picked up his jacket. "Jack asleep."

"Perry, is everything alright."

"I'm fine-"

"Perry we were together for a long painful time and during those years I must admit there were times when I actually listened to you express your feelings so I know when something's bothering you. Now tell me what's wrong before I really put your testicles in my trophy case.

"How'd you do it?"

Jordan looked at her ex-husband in confusion as she grabbed his arm. "What do you mean how did I do it, how did I do what?"

"How'd you do it, stand by so many times and watch me self-destruct when all you could do is watch." Perry whispered as he looked at her. He couldn't but feel as if the universe was getting back at him for all the bull he'd put other people through throughout his life. It was if everyone was in on the joke and he was clueless to what was going on.

"I don't know." Jordan shrugged, "Maybe it was easy because my mom did it with my dad or maybe it was because it made you miserable and I enjoyed you being miserable. It was the best part of my day."

"Glad I could make you happy."

"It really did but that's not the point. The point is I loved you and maybe that's why I let it slide but that doesn't mean you should. If J.D really needs the help you says he does then you need to fight like hell to help him or risk losing him forever.

"Great advice."

"Glad I could help. Thanks for putting Jack to bed. I was so worried he would be high on sugar and desperate for my attention."

"Jack's still my son, nothing's going to change that. It doesn't matter if we're together or not."

"Good to know, now if you could please leave I left Elliot in the car with the windows rolled up and told her to come up on my signal."

"How's that working out for you?"

"She rambles a lot but once I block out the sound of her voice it makes everything better."

Perry laughed at the response and gave Jordan and quick kiss on the forehead. "Tell Jackie I'll see him tomorrow." he replied as he made his way out of the door. He continued to laugh as he passed a disheveled looking Elliot coming off the elevator.

"Hey Dr. Cox-" Elliot screeched as soon as she saw Perry, "I was just checking in on a patient."

"Don't care Barbie, don't care." was all he said as he got on the elevator to make his way home.

* * *

Perry walked into the apartment to find J.D asleep on the sofa. Not wanting him sleep on the couch, he bent down and scooped the younger man into his arms.

"I'm glad you came back." a sleepy J.D responded as he rested his head on Perry's shoulder. "I was worried you wouldn't but you did."

"Me too."

"I thought about what you said and you were right. I don't want to be like this anymore, I need help and I'm going to get it. I promise."

"I'm glad." Perry whispered as he laid J.D softly onto the bed and then laid down beside him, pulling the blanket over both of them.

"Thank-you."

"For what."

"Not giving up on me." J.D replied, moving his body closer to Perry's and laying his head on his shoulder.

"You're welcome." was Perry said as he used his free hand to run his fingers through J.D's hair. He couldn't be happier that J.D decided to get the help he needed even if he did have to push him to that point.

* * *

After a night of restless sleep J.D couldn't help but be excited and nervous about going to his therapy session. Nervous that he was going to make a fool of himself and excited to know that the hospital's therapist was known for always being really late and ending the session's extremely early. Add that to the fact that the man was gullible J.D knew that he wouldn't have to be there very long.

Leaving before Perry had a chance to awaken, J.D wanted to make sure that he arrived at his appointment on time and wasn't surprised when Dr. Green wasn't even there. He made himself comfortable on the sofa, laying down in hopes to get a few minutes of extra sleep when the door suddenly opened and jerked him out of his thoughts.

"Hope I didn't wake you."

J.D was surprised to see Dr. Richards coming through the door instead of the hospital's psychologist. He hadn't seen her since his session to be released from the hospital and hadn't planned on seeing her again. "What are you doing here, where's Dr. Green?"

"I was asked to come here by someone very close to you and to where Dr. Green is, to that I have no clue but you shouldn't worry about that."

"I shouldn't be worried; you don't even work here."

"Doesn't matter, I'm here for as long as you need me." Dr. Richards smiled as she took her seat. "Took a sabbatical from Shady Oaks and they allowed me come and give you sessions here a Sacred Heart."

"I don't want to talk to you."

"Well guess what Dr. Dorian you have no choice because if you don't complete your sessions you won't be reinstated and you don't want that to happen now don't you."

"Well no-"

"Then I suggest you do exactly what I say if you want to ever practice medicine again."

J.D said nothing as he watched Dr. Richards put down her suitcase and open her notebook. He didn't know why but he could already tell that the woman was going to be nothing but trouble for him.

* * *

**Yes J.D has finally admitted that he needs help but recovery will not be an easy road, especially when you have a woman like Dr. Richards down your back. Nevertheless, J.D is very strong and will pull through with the help of his friends and family. Hope you all enjoyed this chapter and until next time take care of yourself and each other. (Jerry Springer at the end of every show.)**


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary: I'm back with the update you all been waiting for and I have to say that this is one of my favorite chapters. Don't know why but it is and I hope everyone who reads it enjoys it as much as I did. Anyways onward with the story.**

* * *

**Disclaimer: Don't own it, don't own it, don't own it. There Bill, are you happy now. Now on to Chapter Ten!**

* * *

**Chapter 11**

The session lasted the whole hour but for J.D it felt like eternity. Not only did Dr. Richards ask him questions about his feelings but she wouldn't believe anything he said.

"It's been a long time since our last meeting."

"Apparently not long enough." J.D mumbled.

Kathleen smiled at J.D's comment but continued to question him. "So Dr. Dorian how have you been really?"

"I'm been fine."

"Dr. Dorian you really don't expect me to believe that a man who has been brutally victimized the way you have is fine and dandy now do you."

"I expect you to believe me because I'm the patient and I'm telling you I'm fine."

"Well guess what, I don't." Dr. Richards replied, "Would you like to talk about what happened while you were held by Mr. Adams."

"No I wouldn't."

"And why not?"

"Because I don't think it's any of your business to be honest." J.D hissed, turning in his seat. Just the thought of telling her what happened made him sick to his stomach.

"It is my business if you want the proper help to get through this. As your doctor I advise you to do what I ask if you want to be re-instated. That is what you want isn't it."

"You know I do."

"Then let's continue. Now, Dr. Dorian how are you feeling about everything that you've gone through."

"I said it before and I'll say it again, I'm fine."

"Ah, where back to this part again where I don't believe you."

Obviously-" J.D replied sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

"Obviously you're lying…about everything but that's neither here or there." Kathleen smirked, writing something else down in her notebook. "If you don't want to talk about what happened let's talk about something else like you're family. Lets start with your brother, how's he doing?"

"My brother is fine is you must know. He's getting better as we speak."

"Really, when's the last time you talked to him."

"Yesterday before I went home."

"How do you feel when you see him?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do you feel that it's your fault? Do you ever feel guilty and blame yourself for being the reason that he may never walk again? And please this time try to be honest."

"No I don't Dr. Richards."

"What about your mother, are you two close?"

"My mother and I are like two peas in pod." J.D lied, still thinking about yesterday's fight. He didn't want to talk about with anyone, especially not some crazy lady who was too nosy for her own good.

"That's not what I heard."

"Oh really, what did you hear?"

"This isn't about me Dr. Dorian this is about you. What do you think I heard?"

"I don't know unless you tell me."

"Talking about you isn't getting us anywhere, neither is talking about your family so what exactly are we going to talk about."

"I am talking, you're just choosing not to listen."

"I only choosing not listen because you keep lying to me about how you're feeling."

"I told you I'm telling the truth."

"I see we're back to lying again and here are thought that lawyers were the ones that lied all the time. We doctors are supposed to be honest."

"To be honest I don't consider you a "real" doctor."

"Just because I can't administer some miracle drug through a needle into someone's arm doesn't make me any less of a doctor. You have your ways of getting inside a person's mind and I have mine."

"I was just saying that anybody can be a therapist."

"And any maniac be a doctor, ever heard of Kevorkian."

"Touché" J.D smirked.

"Touché indeed." Kathleen smiled again and closed her notebook slightly. She knew that getting through to J.D would be difficult but she considered herself a good psychiatrist which was the reason she took the case. If anyone would be able to get through to him she would. "We can't talk about you nor can we talk about your family so that leaves friends and your relationship with Dr. Cox."

"How do you know about Perry?"

"You'd be surprised at what people tell you come through the doors. Gossip runs thick here at this hospital. So, do you want to talk about Dr. Cox."

"No not really but if you really want to know I love him and he's the reason that I'm here today."

"Anything else."

"Nope." J.D smirked.

Kathleen sighed, opening up her notebook and writing one last thing in it. After she was done writing in it she closed it up for good before grabbing her small briefcase. "Dr. Dorian." she said as she placed her notebook inside of it.

"Dr. Richards."

"It appears to me that you aren't going to be very cooperative with me."

"But I am."

"It is also seems that I'm going to have to work very hard if I want you to have a break through which is something I really want to happen. And you know something else Dr. Dorian, I always get what I want."

Dr. Richards smiled and checked her watch which showed her that the session was over. "I see that our time is up and I look forward to seeing you again at the day after tomorrow where we can finish our conversation but before I go I want to give you this."

J.D watched as the doctor pulled a notebook out of her briefcase and gave it to him. "What's this for?"

"Surely you know what a notebook is Dr. Dorian?"

"Of course I know what a notebook is," J.D scoffed as he flipped the pages of the empty notebook. "I want to know what I'm supposed to do with it."

"It's a diary for you to write all your feelings in."

"For what, so you can read it." J.D huffed.

"It's not for me to read," she answered the doctor. "It's for your eyes only and nobody should read it unless you want them too."

"What am I supposed to write in it."

"Anything you want."

"Yeah right, you just want me to write down what happened between me and Walter, don't you."

"If that's what you want to right about it's fine, if you don't that's also alright," Dr. Richards replied. "The main purpose of this notebook is to help you with your healing process."

"I don't need healing."

"It's for when you do."

J.D said nothing as Kathleen finished gathering her things and putting them in her briefcase before standing up and walking out the office.

* * *

As soon as she was out of the office, she flipped open her cell phone and dialed a number. She never got an answer and after a couple of rings it went straight to voice mail. Since the person she wanted to talk to wasn't able to answer the phone she decided to leave a voice mail.

"I just wanted to tell you that the session went better than I expected but your friend has a long road ahead of him. I'll do my best to get through to him and hopefully it will work. I truly hope so."

She sighed once more and closed the phone before putting back into her purse.

* * *

J.D waited a few minutes after Dr. Richards left before he made his way out of the office himself. The meeting had been worse than he expected and he found him emotionally drained. Needing a breath of fresh air he walked out of the building and sat down on the railing.

"Hey J.D, what's that?"

J.D looked up to see a smiling Elliot coming up the railing. "Just a notebook." J.D replied and waved it around in front of her.

"Why do you have a notebook?" she asked, taking it out of his hands and flipping the pages.

"The therapist thinks that it would be the best way to release any emotions that I have. What a crock?"

"I don't know, it sounds like a good idea to me."

"Elliot you can't be serious. This lady is a whack job who doesn't believe a word I say."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because-" J.D said turning around. "I tell her that I'm fine, she thinks I'm lying. I tell her that my life is wonderful and she tells me that I'm covering up my real emotions. I can't win with her; it's as if she wants me to feel emotions that I don't have."

"I see."

"You see what?"

"It's just J.D…are you fine?" Elliot blurted out the question. She sat down on the rail beside J.D and grabbed his hand. "I mean it's okay if you are but I know if something like that happened to me I'd be scared to leave my house, let alone try to come back to work so soon."

"Well it's a good thing I'm not you." J.D snapped back.

"And I'm not saying that you should be, I'm just saying maybe you should be more honest with yourself about what happened."

"Nothing happened and I'm fine."

"I can see why your therapist doesn't believe you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know what it means." Elliot replied and handed J.D back his notebook. "You were kidnapped by some maniac for nearly a week and you haven't told anyone what happened. We all know something happened and we want you to know that we are here if you need us J.D."

J.D snatched his hand away from Elliot's and jumped down from the railing. His emotions were running high from everyone telling what he should be feeling. It wasn't bad enough that he couldn't close his eyes without seeing Walters face but for his own friends and even strangers were wanting to know what happened between them was too much. "Well if you were really my friend you wouldn't be trying to force me to talk about something I don't want to talk about."

"I was just trying to help-"

"Why don't you go find Jordan, I'm pretty she would rather have your company than I do at the moment."

"Fine, I see I'm not wanted here." Elliot huffed, jumping down from the rail and pushing past J.D to go inside the hospital. She knew that he was only lashing out at her because he was hurting but she wasn't going to be his punching bag.

He watched Elliot walk inside and immediately felt terrible for what he'd said but he felt it needed to be said. He was getting tired of everyone telling him what to do and he only lashed out to make everyone see that.

__

"You keep pushing people away and soon there won't be any body left."

J.D pushed the thought out of his head and turned to walk back inside the hospital in hopes that he would be able to find Elliot and apologize.

* * *

He looked for Elliot but he wasn't able to find her so instead he decided to see how his brother was doing. J.D walked into his brother's room to find him sitting up in his bed watching something on T.V.

"Knock knock." J.D smiled.

"Hey there little brother." Dan smiled back turning off the television. "Long time no see, emphasis on long."

"Dan I'm so sorry I wasn't here for you after your surgery, I've just been busy-"

"Too busy to see your maybe paralyzed brother; don't worry I understand."

"Dan-"

"I'm just kidding with you Johnny. I know what you've been going through, mom told me."

"Oh really, what did she tell you?"

"Everything that happened, including what you said and she did."

"She told you."

"There was no need to lie," Dan shrugged. "It's not like I didn't already know; one of the nurses told me."

"We really need a no gossip policy in this place, don't ya think." J.D chuckled, sitting on the edge on the bed. "Where is mom anyways?"

"She's back at her hotel…packing."

"Really, where is she going?"

"She's going back home to her fiancée. She figures that since neither of one us needs her here she's going to go home to someone that does."

"I should go talk to her."

"Don't bother, you know how mom is; she wants you to feel bad so you'll go chasing after her. It's her thing."

"I said some really hurtful things to her; some I can't take back."

"Yeah you did. Look, I know that you think mom doesn't care about you but she does. She loves you so much that she pushes you because she knew that out of the two of us you would be the one to succeed."

"Dan you know that not's true-"

"J.D look at my life." Dan sighed as he turned his head away from his brother. "To me, my is pretty good but to someone else they don't see it way. They see a man with no college education, working as a bartender, and living with his mom. I got no goals, no future plans but you're a doctor. You went to college and medical school and…you've got an amazing life."

"Have you seen my life lately, it's not that amazing."

"Maybe not now but it will be again and I will still have nothing."

"Don't say that about yourself." J.D said firmly, grabbing his brother's hand. "When we were younger, you were the popular one growing up. I got to high school and everyone expected me to be just like you and were disappointed when I wasn't. You had everything, the looks, the personality, everyone wanted to be your friend while nobody wanted to be mine. That's why I gravitated towards things like science, it was the only way I could get out of your shadow."

"I guess I ruined your life."

"You didn't ruin my life Dan. You were everything I wanted to be and you have no idea how much I looked up to you.

The confession surprised Dan and it caused him to look at his brother who was smiling at him. He couldn't believe that his brother actually saw him as a role model. You looked up to me."

"Of course I did; you were my big brother."

"But J.D I was horrible to you. I picked on you all the time, I even walked you to the wrong school every year. How could you have looked up to me?"

"We were kids back then Dan and yes, you weren't the best big brother but it didn't stop me from wanting to be you; wanting to have everything you had."

"I don't know what to say-"

"You don't have to say anything." J.D grinned, "Just don't talk down about yourself anymore. So what you still live with mom and work as a bartender; it doesn't make you less of person and nobody can tell you otherwise or they'll have me to deal with.

Dan laughed at the comment and threw his arms open. J.D got the message and pulled his brother into a hug. It lasted for only a few seconds when the sound of someone clearing their throat broke them up. J.D turned around to see Stacey, a fellow nurse, standing at the door.

"Oh hey Stacey."

"Hey Dr. Dorian." Stacey smiled, walking into the room. "I just came to give your brother Dan here a sponge bath but if you're busy I could-"

"No no, not busy cause my brother here was just leaving; weren't you Johnny."

"I guess I was." J.D laughed as he got up from the bed and walked over to the door. "See you around Stacey."

"You too Dr. Dorian."

"Would you get out of here already so I can get my sponge bath." Dan smirked.

J.D laughed again and closed the door behind him as he walked out. He decided to go look for Elliot again and apologize for his rude behavior. Talking to his brother made him see that maybe he did need some help if he wanted to get over what happened to him. It wasn't going to help him if he pushed everyone who cared for him away. His life needed a drastic change and the best person to do that was no one but himself.

* * *

Lifting up the notebook, he began opening it up when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He hoped it was Elliot so he could apologize but was disappointed to see that it was Jordan.

"Hey there D.J, how's it going?"

"Everything's fine Jordan." J.D responded, "Have you seen Elliot?"

"Stick, yeah I just got rid of her ten minutes ago."

"Oh."

"Look, I don't know what you did to her but don't let it happen again. I don't need her crying on my shoulder every time the two of you have a fight, especially when I'm wearing silk."

J.D rolled his eyes at the comment and claimed it to be typical Jordan; rude comments for everyone and everybody. "I'm so sorry that she's a burden on you."

"She's not the burden, you are and you need to get help before you push everyone that cares about you away."

J.D smirked as he placed his hand over his heart. "I didn't know you cared Jordan." he mocked before rolling his eyes.

"I'm not saying it because I care about you okay. I'm saying because Perry came to see me last night all upset because of something you did. He loves you so much that he doesn't know what to do when you have your "breakdowns," Jordan growled, poking J.D in the chest. "Your stress causes him stress and I refuse to take care of Jack by myself because Perry too wrapped up in taking care of you."

"I don't need him to take care of me."

"Then you better start taking better care of yourself or else."

"Or else what?"

"You honestly don't want to find out what I will do to you if you don't do what you're supposed to."

He opened his mouth to say something but Jordan pushed him out of her way. He turned around to see that something or someone, meaning Elliot, had caught her eye.

"Elliot come." Jordan barked at the blonde woman as she tried to rush down the hallway without being seen. She looked like a deer caught in headlights as she immediately stopped and walked directly over to Jordan.

"Yes Jordan."

"I'm hungry, you're treating, got it."

"I think so." Elliot mumbled as Jordan looped her arm around hers and began dragging her down the hallway. She smiled when she saw J.D wave and signal that he would call her later. They had a lot to talk about.

J.D watched until neither woman were no longer in sight and looked back down at his notebook. Everyone was write, it was up to him to change if he wanted to move on from what happened. The only way to do that was to stop pretending it didn't happen. Holding the notebook close to his chest he moved out of the hallway and walked until he found an empty supply closet. He had some writing to do.

* * *

**Oh J.D, when are you going to realize that your friends are just trying to look out for you and who was Dr. Richards talking too after the session. Don't know but don't worry about J.D, he'll get there with the help of everyone, including the evil doctor. Chapter 12 will be up soon for all you people that want it some smut you're going to get it, I promise. Along with J.D meeting the lawyer that wants him to take care of Walter. Until next time, see ya**

**"Ricka"**


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary: I'm back. I know I kept everyone waiting but the wait is over. I have chapter twelve all ready to go and chapter thirteen and fourteen close to being completed. Please be warned, this chapter contains very mature content and by mature I mean man on man action. The rating for this chapter is M and NC-17. So once again this chapter has mature sexual content. You have been warned. Anyways I hope everyone likes what I wrote and if you did, please, take the time out to review. On with the story.**

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**Disclaimer: I don't own this show but under the Bill of Rights, I have the right to free expression. Take that Bill. Now forward to chapter 12**

* * *

**Chapter 12**

* * *

Perry sighed as he opened the door to his apartment, completely tired from another hard day of work even though he didn't work his full shift. Didn't matter though because it felt like he did and that was all that matter. Walking inside, he threw his coat over the chair and walked back to his bedroom to find J.D in the room, lying on his stomach, writing in what look like a spiral notebook with a picture of a unicorn on the front of it.

"Hey you're home," J.D smiled as he quickly closed the notebook and moved it over to the nightstand before he sat up on the bed. "It's only five o'clock."

"I know what time it is Newbie," Perry replied. "Decided to come home early to see how you were doing but I see that you're doing fine. What exactly are you doing there Susie?"

"Nothing, just writing in the notebook Dr. Richards gave to me."

Perry raised his eyebrow at the name. That wasn't the name of the psychiatrist at Sacred Heart, "Dr. Richards, what happened to Dr. Green."

"He's not going to be my doctor, she is but I don't know why."

"That's…odd."

"I know but I really don't get a say in the matter so there's nothing I can do except take it." J.D shrugged as he pushed himself off the bed. "You look tired."

"I am tired."

"Why don't you go take a shower and I'll make you something to eat."

"That's sounds like a good idea," Perry smirked as he began taking off his shoes and socks.

J.D watched as Perry continued to strip, taking off his shirt first then his pants until he was left in nothing but his boxers. His eyes glared at the perfect body before him but stopped when it he saw the stab wound. No longer red or raw, it was a slightly memory of what used to be there. Seeing the scar made his stomach churn and his head hurt.

Perry stared confused at J.D as he walked back over to him and began tracing the outline of the soon to be scar. "J.D what are you doing?"

J.D said nothing as he continued to finger the scar and not look up at Perry. This once perfect body was now disfigured for life all because of him. "I'm sorry."

Perry realized what J.D was saying. He was blaming himself for what happened at that wasn't how it should be. The only person at fault was the son of bitch who wrecked their lives, not J.D. Perry grabbed J.D's hand and brought it up away from the scar "J.D…what happened was not your fault."

"If you weren't trying to save me this would never have happened." J.D hissed yanking his hand away. The blame was becoming to much for him to handle. "Everything that happened was my fault."

Perry lifted his hands and grabbed the sides of J.D's face, pulling him as close as he possible could. So close that he could J.D's breath blow against his. "Listen to me J.D and listen good," Perry growled as he spoke," I do not blame you for anything."

"But-"

"No buts, I did what I did out of love and if given the choice I would do it again," Perry replied sternly, hoping his words were finally sinking in. "I would risk my life to save you again. Do you understand…I said do you understand, I don't blame you.?"

Tears lightly fell from J.D's eyes as he nodded his head yes. The burden that was weighing him down every since that night was finally lifted off his shoulders. Perry didn't blame him for anything. "Thank you."

"No need to thank me Clara, I was simply being honest." Perry smiled, letting go of J.D's face and wrapping an arm around his waist so he could pull J.D into a well needed kiss. The kiss soon ignited into something more as J.D's hands found themselves tangled into Perry's hair.

The kiss melting their thoughts as their bodies were lit on fire. Their tongues battled against each other for dominance as they pulled each other closer. They were so close that J.D could feel Perry's erection through his boxers press against his own.

J.D pulled away for a second to throw off his own shirt before pushing Perry down on the bed and sitting on top of him, kissing him again. He moaned, pushing his body against Perry's hard erection causing Perry himself to moan into the kiss. Taking the moan as a plea to continue, he pulled Perry's boxers down off his body before grabbing his hard erection into his hand and stroking it lightly.

"Dammit Newbie, what are you doing?" Perry hissed as J.D hand continued to stroke his sensitive flesh.

"What does it feel like?" J.D purred into Perry's ear, hand still working. He'd never done anything like this before but he knew what he liked so he decided to put that to good use. Using the palm of his hand, he wrapped it tightly around Perry's cock and continued to slide it up and down, harder then before at the same time running his thumb over the slit.

Perry felt as if his whole body was on fire as J.D continued to work him. He tried hard not to move his body but found it hard not too. Soon he was moving his body to the same rhythm as J.D. After a few hard strokes and thrust Perry exploded into J.D's hand.

"It's not over," J.D whispered as he got up from the bed and walked over to the nightstand, smiling along the way.

Perry watched surprised as he pulled out a bottle of lubricant and a condom. "Where did those come from?"

"Put them in here when I moved in, hope you don't mind."

"Of course I don't but don't you think you're moving to fast." Perry asked concerned, "Shouldn't you think about this."

"I have thought about it and no more thinking," J.D replied softly as he walked back over to the bed and stood in front of Perry. "I need to feel something again."

"J.D I-"

"Not him, I don't want to feel him anymore. I need to feel you so please, let me." J.D pleaded, "And remember what you said," he whispered seductively as he began covering Perry's jaw line, "You told me that if I came to you, looked you straight in the say that I want you right now you would gladly rock my world. Well guess what Perry, I want you right now."

Perry saw the confidence in J.D's eyes and said nothing, instead took the items out of J.D's hand and placed them on the bed beside him. Slowly he unzipped J.D's jeans and pulled them off his body, along with the boxers he was wearing and lowered them to the floor as J.D kicked them off. He stood up and wrapped his hand around the back of J.D's head and pulled him a loving kiss.

J.D kissed him back with the same affection, turning their bodies so that he would be the one on the bottom. He pulled Perry closer to him and the two of them fell on the bed together with Perry on top.

Perry noticed the position that they were in, face to face, and realized that it wasn't the most comfortable position for J.D to be in. "Maybe you should turn over-" he tried to suggest only to be cut off by J.D.

"No," J.D answered stubbornly. "I want to face you, see you, all of you."

"Alright, whatever you want." Perry whispered as he grabbed the bottle of lube and opened the it. Squeezing the bottle, he placed a great of liquid onto his fingers. He then took one finger and placed it inside the young man's hole in order to prepare him the bigger thing that was about to come next.

J.D closed his eyes and hissed at the intrusion and felt his body tense up as Perry pushed the finger all the way in. He couldn't deny that it stung a bit but he wasn't about to complain. He breathed slowly as he let his body relaxed as Perry added a second and third finger and continued to push them in and out. The pain, fears, were all blocked out as Perry continued to prepare him with his finger. J.D didn't complain since the feeling of pain didn't last long and was soon replaced by a small out of pleasure.

Perry continued what he was doing, grabbing the condom from the bed and ripping it open with his teeth and using his free hand to put it on his own erection. He removed his fingers from J.D's body and lifted J.D legs and wrapped them around his waist before he slowly eased himself inside J.D. He stopped momentarily, to let J.D's body get use to the intrusion before pushing himself until he was in completely. Seconds passed and he could feel J.D relax around him but he was scared to move. Scared that he would hurt J.D by doing something the younger man wasn't ready for. The thought of stopping the process was thrown out of his head when he felt J.D's muscles suddenly tighten around him causing him to move. "J.D-"

"Perry I love you but if you don't move now I will be very upset. I want you to move…now," J.D demanded, squeezing his muscles again. Perry was unable resist J.D and moved a second time.

"I don't want to hurt you."

"And you won't, you never will," J.D hissed as Perry filled him completely. He grabbed Perry's hand to reassure him that he was okay, that this was what he wanted. "Now for the love of god, move."

Perry did as he was told, moving in and out of J.D but at a very slow, cautious pace. He wanted J.D to enjoy this as much as he was going to as well as hopefully remove all thoughts of Walter out of his head.

As Perry began to move, J.D released his hold on Perry's hand and instead grasped the sheets. All thoughts of the kidnapping and Walter disappeared from his mind as the pleasure growing him increased. This is what he wanted, what he needed to forget about everything that he'd gone through. Finally, he let out a loud cry as Perry thrust inside him again hitting what could only be his prostate.

The thrust became quicker and harder as Perry continued to hit J.D's prostate. Holding himself with one hand, Perry took his free hand and wrapped it around J.D's stiff member, stroking it to match his thrust.

The combination of the strokes and the thrust were to much for J.D to take and soon found himself on the brink of an orgasm. He grabbed the sheets tighter in his hands as he dug the heels of his feet deeper in Perry's back.

"Perry…please. I wanna-" J.D cried out, sweat dripping down his body from all the work and friction.

"Then let go J.D," Perry hissed as J.D tighten around him and he repeated his actions. Seeing J.D so close caused his own body to be react and now he was close to letting go as well. "Come for me," he said, bending down and kissing J.D passionately.

That was it for J.D. The kiss and the thrust caused a wave of intense pleasure to rip through J.D's body as he felt himself release in Perry's hand and between their stomachs. He let out a cry as the massive orgasm flowed through his body, from head to toe.

One last clench mixed with the breathing and cries from J.D were too much for Perry to handle as he too, found himself coming immediately after J.D.

* * *

Sex, sweat, and heavy breathing were the only sounds and smells that filled the room as Perry lowered his body carefully on top of J.D's, still submerged inside his new lover. J.D's tired legs fell to the side and he used one hand to run his fingers through Perry's sweaty hair. "That was great," J.D smirked as he continued to play with Perry's curly hair.

"I aim to please."

"Well you did a good job."

A few more seconds of silence passed before Perry realized that something was wrong with J.D. "You okay," Perry asked huskily, as he finally caught his breath and looked J.D in the eyes.

"I'm fine, a little sore but it's nothing a little Tylenol won't fix. Maybe a few oxycodone if I have any left."

"J.D that's not what I meant," Perry sighed, "Are you okay with what we just did?"

"Perry I'm fine," J.D responded back, turning his head so he was no longer looking at Perry.

"J.D you don't have to lie-"

"I'm not lying, I'm fine. Really I am."

He listened to the words but the somber look on J.D's face caused him not believe them. Perry knew that J.D wasn't as okay as he thought he was. There was something on the young man's mind that he wasn't saying. "Fine," was all he said as he pushed himself off of J.D's body. Gradually he removed himself out of J.D, rolled over on the bed, and pulled off the used condom as the sticky fluid between on his stomach became cold. "I'm going to get you something to clean up with."

* * *

J.D just nodded as he continued to lay there, staring at the ceiling, while Perry went into the bathroom. He knew that he should have said something more to Perry but he found he couldn't. After what the two of them just shared J.D wanted to be happy, no deserved to be happy but he wasn't. He didn't feel happiness that he was supposed to. Instead he felt just as guilty as before and he didn't know why.

Not wanting his guilt to ruin the rest of his evening J.D got up from the bed and made his way to the bathroom to find Perry in the midst of turning on the shower. J.D walked up behind him and wrapped the older man in a hug. "You know we can save more water if we just shower together." he whispered, kissing Perry softly on the shoulder.

Perry smiled as J.D continued to kiss his shoulders. He knew that J.D still had mix emotions about what they'd just done but he refused to push the young man about. J.D would come to him when he was ready to and not a moment before. All he could is what for that moment to come and when it did he would be there to listen. "Is that right?" he smirked, relaxing in J.D's arms.

"Yeah it is. In fact, it's requirement when there's a drought."

"Debbie you do realize that we are not currently in a drought situation."

"I know," J.D smiled as Perry turned around in his arms and kissed him lightly on the lips. "But I thought it would make me sound environmental savvy."

"Newbie,"

"Yeah."

"You're an idiot," Perry laughed as he stepped into the shower and closed the door. He wanted to see how long it took for J.D to join him. Joyously, he didn't have to wait long as J.D opened the door only a few seconds later and step in. Perry grabbed J.D by the waist and pulled him closer before kissing him passionately. "Idiot," Perry laughed again when he pulled away after J.D starting rubbing his butt cheeks.

"Yeah, but I'm your idiot." J.D said nothing more as he wrapped his hand around the back of Perry's neck and pulled him into another kiss.

* * *

I know, J.D should be happy after what Perry and him just did but what can I say, I love angst. But don't worry, the story is almost over and there will be happiness on the horizon for these two. For those of you wondering Walter and Peter will make an apprearence in the next chapter. Until next time

"Re-Re"

* * *


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary: Yes I'm still working on this story but I will have everyone know that it is done, all I have to do is post it. Much love to all those who continue to read it and to the new readers who are added my to their favorite author/story list. I live for emails. Anyways thanks for reading and hope you enjoy this chapter. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own this show but under the Bill of Rights, I have the right to free expression. Take that Bill. Now forward to chapter 13**

* * *

**Chapter 13

* * *

**

Two days later J.D found himself back in the therapist's office waiting on the doctor to arrive. It'd been two days since that night and it was all that he could think about. In fact he was thinking about it so much that he didn't even hear Dr. Richards come into the room.

"Hello Dr. Doctor," Kathleen smiled as she came through the door and sat down. "So nice to see you today."

"Perry and I had sex," J.D blurted out before he could stop himself and Dr. Richards could get her things out of her briefcase. He shrugged as she looked over at him with a shock and confused look on her face. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to say that-"

"I'm assuming that Perry is your boyfriend."

"Yes he is but I don't think he would like me calling him that. He's very weary of labels and I don't know if boyfriend is the correct label for us-"

"Well for the sake of this session we'll just call him your boyfriend," Kathleen smirked, pulling out her folder. She was happy that J.D was finally about to open up to her about something. "So, you and your boyfriend had sex."

"Yes."

"So what exactly is the problem?"

"I don't know how I should feel."

"About having sex or having sex so soon after your assault."

"Maybe a little of both."

"How do you feel right now?"

"Angry, scared, guilty," J.D listed, lying back on the chair.

"Why do you feel angry?"

"Because Kenny, Walter, whoever the hell he is, took something away from that I can't get back."

"And what is it you can't get back?"

J.D sighed as he looked at his doctor. It's the same question he had been asking himself ever since that night between him and Perry and he still didn't have an answer. "I don't know?"

"Dr. Dorian, why did you have sex with Perry."

"Because I thought it was what I wanted."

"And how was it?" Kathleen asked. "If you don't mind me asking."

"It was, I don't know what it was but it wasn't supposed to be like this. I was supposed to be happy and feel better about everything but I don't. Instead I feel just as bad and guilty as I did before."

"So you're saying that you feel guilty."

"Of course I feel guilty," J.D admitted unknowingly. "How can I not feel guilty. My brother could be paralyzed for the rest of his life, my two best friends and Perry were nearly killed because of me, and my mother hates me for what happened to my brother. Everything that has happened is my fault."

"Why do you think that it's your fault?"

"Because if I wasn't so damn nice, if I didn't constantly think that there is good in everyone then I wouldn't be in this situation," J.D yelled as he got up from the sofa. There were so many emotions running through him that he couldn't stop himself from talking to Kathleen about them.

Kathleen on the other hand was happy to see J.D finally expressing himself. She thought that she would have to wait a few weeks before him to open up but they were only on their second session and he was doing on his own. "I see, so you thought sex would make these feelings of yours become non-existent."

"Yes, no, maybe oh I don't know."

"Mr. Dorian it's not uncommon for rape victims to use sex as an outlet to express themselves."

"That's not what I did, I love Perry-"

"And I have no doubt in my mind that he loves you but you did." Kathleen replied. "You thought that by having sex with Perry it would erase what happened to you in that basement but it didn't and it won't. You won't stop feeling the way you do until you do something about it."

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

"Look, I classify assault victims into three categories, submissive, dismissive, and offensive. Submissive victims withdraw from society and let others dictate what they should do while dismissive victims pretend what they went through didn't happen and won't talk about it."

"What about offensive victims?"

"Offensive victims are my favorite," Kathleen smiled as she closed her folder. "These are the victims that know realize what has happened to them and know there is nothing they can do to change it so they embrace it. They take charge of their lives and they show the world that they aren't going to sit back and becoming victims again. They fight back."

J.D listened to Dr. Richards speak passionately about the three types of victims and immediately began wondering what type he would be. "What type of victim am I?" he asked eagerly.

"I don't know yet," she answered honestly. "Our first meetings weren't at all pleasant and I would have to say that you were a dismissive victim. You didn't want to acknowledge what you've been through and it seems as if you still don't."

"I'm talking now."

"About your sex life with Perry but not about what happened with Walter."

"I'm not ready," J.D admitted as he sat back down in the chair and ran his fingers through his head before clasping his hands together. "I wish I was but I'm not."

"Of course you aren't, that's why I gave you the notebook. It's for you to write in when you don't feel like talking." Dr. Richards looked at her watch and realized that the session was up. "I do believe that our time is up for today."

"Really. It didn't even seem like I was here for that long."

"That's what's happens when you actually talk in your sessions and not ignore the doctor trying to help you."

"I'm sorry, about before but I'm really trying now."

"I believe you Mr. Dorian." And she was telling the truth. She really did believe that J.D would overcome all the bad things that he had been through and come out a stronger, even more passionate person.

* * *

Dr. Cox leaned against the counter at the nurse's station while he waited for J.D's session to be over. Ever since J.D and him had sex the two of them had been skittish around each other, even refusing to look each other in the eye. He didn't know why J.D couldn't look at him but his reason for not being to look at J.D were simple. He felt guilty about everything that happened that night, even if he hadn't been the one to initiate it.

"Perry you alright."

Perry turned around to see Carla standing beside with a concern look on her face. Since the Walter incident he hadn't really seen much of Carla or anyone else for that matter but everyone else didn't matter. Carla was the only one, besides J.D that he trusted and turned to for advice. "Hey Carla, what's up."

"Don't play that game with me. I asked you if you were alright."

"Of course I'm alright, why wouldn't I be."

"Oh I don't know, maybe it because you're wearing yourself thin taking care of J.D all by yourself," she answered sarcastically as she placed her charts down on the counter.

"I can take care of Marsha," Perry scoffed.

"I never said you couldn't."

"Then what else are you insinuating."

"I'm insinuating that you can't do it by yourself."

"You're just jealous because you can't mother your precious "Bambi" like you're so used to doing."

"Hey," Carla hissed, poking Perry in the chest. "I'm J.D's friend too and I want to help him get through this just as much as you do, so don't take that tone with me."

"Sorry mother."

"I'm being serious Perry and I appreciate it if you would stop making it all a big joke."

"You think I enjoy J.D being this way."

"Stop putting words in my mouth. All I'm saying that it's okay if you need a break. J.D's not going to be mad if you need some time to yourself."

"That's not what's wrong with me."

"Then tell me what's bother you."

Perry looked around and realized that other people were now engaged in their conversation. Growling, he grabbed Carla by the arm and pulled her until they were in the lounge. "Everyone get out!" he shouted to all the people in the room. Since it was Perry telling them to leave no one bothered to ask why, they simply grabbed their things and left. As soon as they were alone Perry closed the door and leaned against. "J.D and I had sex," he whispered after a few moments of silence.

"You what,"

"We had sex."

"When?"

"A few nights ago," Perry replied, sitting on the couch beside Carla. "It's wasn't planned or anything, it just happened."

"Oh my God, I can't believe it," Carla screeched, sitting up on the couch and crossing her legs. It was juicy gossip like this that Carla lived to hear. "So was it like the first time you and J.D "did it" since his incident."

"Actually it was the first time in general."

"Wait a minute, you two never did it before."

"No, we didn't. It was never the right time."

"Wow, I mean wow. So how was it?"

"It was great. It's what I wanted since the first time we met four years ago."

"Perry I don't understand, why are you telling me this like you're upset," she asked confused.

"Because I am upset," he yelled to no one in particular. "I'm mad at myself for letting it happen. I took advantage of J.D when he just needed me to be there for him and now I don't trust myself to be around him."

"But you said before you didn't plan for it to happen."

"I didn't and I wasn't even the one who initiated it, he was."

"So J.D planned it."

"In a manner of speaking yes, he was and like the jackass that I am I let him. Now I can't even look at him."

"Perry you didn't do anything wrong."

"That's what you think."

"Perry look at me," Carla demanded the other man to do. It took a while but Perry eye's eventually left the floor and looked up at Carla. She waited until she had his full attention before she spoke again. "Were you and J.D drunk?"

"No-"

"Were the two of you high on anything?

"No."

"Did you force yourself on him?"

"Of course not Carla, how could you say that?"

"Then how can you feel guilty because J.D wanted to have sex with you? It's not like you forced him into doing," Carla explained. "From the way I see you both were two consented adults consummating your relationship. It just so happened that something bad happened before you could do it without the feeling of guilt but that's not the point. The point is you love J.D and J.D loves you and he doesn't hate you."

"I never said he did," Perry scoffed only to have Carla grab his hand.

"You didn't have to, I know you Dr. Cox and I know you well. You're feeling the same way you did when J.D was kidnapped but you have to stop blaming yourself for what happened. It's the only way the two of you can move on."

He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding as he ran his free hand through his hair. He knew he shouldn't feel guilty for what they'd done, they both wanted to forget the bad things they had been through together. Perry knew that once J.D left his therapy session the two of them needed to talk. "Thanks Carla, for everything."

"It's what I do best," she smiled, letting go of Perry's hand. She was glad that she was able to help Perry in his time of need before things spun out of control. Leaning over, she pulled her friend was into a hug and kissed him on the cheek. "I was wondering if you and J.D felt up to it the four of us could have dinner sometimes," she asked as the two of them pulled away.

"I don't think so."

"You know I won't take no for an answer so I suggest you talk to J.D and call me so I can set up a date."

"Fine," Perry growled at Carla's smile. He knew she had the mind set of a pit-bull and wouldn't stop until she got her way.

* * *

Five days after his last session, J.D found himself in a much better place. It was late in the afternoon when J.D was on his way to his favorite smoothie place. Since the kidnapping, he hadn't been out the house much because of he was afraid but as time went on he found himself getting over it.

Perry wanted to come with him, seeing as how his wasn't scheduled to work for another hour and a half but J.D told him not to come. He needed to learn how to be out on his own without the company of others. It would be the only way he would truly get over what he had gone through with Walter.

He'd just pulled into the parking lot of the beverage shop when he heard his cell phone ring. Looking at the cover, he didn't recognize the number but answered it anyway realizing that it could be important.

"Hello," he answered politely into the phone.

"Doctor Dorian it's me, Peter Every. Walter Adams lawyer."

The smile faded quickly as soon as Peter opened his mouth. He hadn't heard from the lawyer since that day in his brother's hospital room and hadn't expected too either. "I know who you are Mr. Every, what do you want?"

Peter chuckled into the phone at J.D's harsh response. He had expected it, that's why it took him so long to call since their last encounter. "I was wondering if we could meet sometime soon to discuss Walter's will. You do remember that he left all his assets to you."

"Look, I don't care what Walter left me, I don't want any of it."

"I know what Walter did to you-"

"How the hell do you know what he put me through, you don't even know me?" J.D yelled into the phone. He could feel his blood boiling under his skin as he continued to talk to the lawyer. It seemed like the more he tried to move on from everything that man put him through someone was trying to pull him back in. "How did you even get this number, it's private?"

"I'm a lawyer Mr. Dorian, I have my ways."

"Well how about you use some of those magic ways to make Walter and everything else that has to do with him disappear."

"I wish I could do that but I can't. I have to do my job, a job that requires me to meet with you and discus my client's final wishes."

J.D thought about it and as much as it hurt him to think about it, he had to met with Peter. "Fine, can we meet tomorrow, say around five."

"Of course that will be fine Mr. Dorian, perfect in fact since I have the entire day clear. I do want to let you know that since you are the beneficiary of Walter's will, you are responsible for making all the executive decisions, including the medical ones."

"I understand completely Mr. Every."

"Please call me Peter," Peter politely encouraged J.D. "If we're going to be working together you should be on a first name basis with me."

Mumbling a quick goodbye J.D flipped the phone shut. His perfect day was now ruined and all he wanted to do was go home and curl up in a ball. Placing his helmet back on his head, he started up his scooter when his phone rang again. He looked at the caller ID and realized that it was a call from the hospital. "Hello."

"Hey little brother it's me," Dan replied over the phone. "I need you to come to the hospital right away, it's important."

* * *

What will J.D do about the will, why is Dan calling, and will J.D get over what happened between him and Perry. You have to wait until the next chapter to find out. Why, what can I say I love the angst but trust me, this story will have it's happy ending, it's going to take some time to get there. Walter will appear soon but not until the next couple of chapters, I have to build up some emotional angst in order for J.D to take back control of his life. Until next time-

"Re-Re"

* * *


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary: I'm back. I bet you all thought I forgot about this story but I didn't. I just was waiting for my creative streak to come back and it did. I can officially say that this story is completed and instead of dragging it out any longer I decide to finish posting the last chapters today. I hope everyone enjoys it and thanks for reading.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own this show but I wouldn't it be awesome if I did. It so would be.**

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**Chapter 14**

* * *

J.D had never driven so fast in his life as he rushed through traffic to make his way to the hospital. He didn't even bother to take off his helmet or take the keys out of the ignition as he ran inside and to his brother's room. Running inside he had expected to see his brother surrounded by doctors and covered in blood but he was surprised to see his brother sitting up smiling at him.

"Dan I got here as soon as I could," he breathed heavily as he rushed to Dan's side and grabbed his brother's hand. "What's wrong?"

"I just called to tell you that I'm going home soon."

"What, but you can't-"

"I'm going home to because I don't need to be here anymore. There's transferring me to another hospital for physical therapy."

"Physical therapy. Dan are you trying to tell me something? Can you feel your legs?"

"A little. It started off as a tingle but it feels better than before." Dan smiled. "In fact, it's been getting better the past couple of days."

"Past couple of days," J.D shrieked as he sat up in his chair. "And you're just now telling me."

"I wanted to make sure I wasn't imagining it, that it was real and it is. I talked to Dr. Jacobs today, he ran some test, and they came back good, really good."

"Oh my God, I'm so happy for you," J.D happily grabbed him brother and pulled him into a hug. Hearing the news made him feel better than he had in days.

"Yeah, I'm happy for me too. So," he responded after a couple of moments of silence. "You got anything planned for the next few minutes."

"For you Dan, I got all the time in the world."

* * *

The rest of the day passed pleasantly for J.D after hearing Dan's wonderful news. The excitement he felt about his brother's condition made him really feel that everything was returning back to normal. He stayed with Dan until he was scheduled yet again for another sponge bath and decided to go get a hot cup of coffee. He was on his way to the cafeteria when he spotted Michael coming out of a patients room.

Michael spotted him as soon as he came out of the room and immediately wished that he would have stayed in the room. It didn't matter, J.D was already making his way towards him and there was nothing he could do. "Hey Dr. Dorian," Michael whispered, not looking directly into J.D's eyes. He couldn't help but feel guilty about the entire situation knowing that some of it was his fault.

"Michael, I haven't seen you around lately. How are you and Susie doing?"

"I'm fine. I'm an orderly now and I've been working the night shift mostly since she was taken. I figure it would be best if I was the one looking after Susie."

"That's good," J.D smiled at the young man.

"I just want to thank you for what you did for Susie."

"I didn't do anything."

"You did enough and that's what counts."

J.D watched the young man tense up more the longer he stood in his presence. It was easy to see that Michael felt guilty about what happened. "Michael," J.D whispered. "You know I don't blame you right."

"I know but I-"

"No buts," J.D replied sternly. "I don't blame you. You were doing what you thought was best to save your daughter; nothing that happened was your fault."

"But I should have done something sooner," Michael cried softly as he slid further down in the wall. "If only I would have went to the police instead of helping Kenny they would have found you sooner."

J.D slid down the wall beside Michael and moved so their shoulders were touching. "Michael listen to me. Yes, you could have went to the police but there was no guarantee that your daughter would be safe. As her father her safety is the most important thing. What happened to me was horrible but I'm slowly coming to terms with her. If something would have happened to her I wouldn't be able to forgive myself."

"Me neither."

"I'm glad we agree on something."

Michael smiled for the first time since the conversation. It was as if a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders and the guilt he once had disappeared completely. "Thank you Dr. Dorian."

"Michael what did I tell you; call me J.D."

"Okay J.D," Michael continued to smile when his pager went off. "I have to go," he responded, pushing himself up from the floor. "See you around."

J.D waved the younger man off as he rushed down the hall. He couldn't deny that a part of him missed being a doctor and he couldn't wait until he was cleared to start practicing medicine again.

Finally after five minutes passed J.D slid himself up from the floor and continued his way towards the cafeteria. After he received his coffee he walked around the hospital in hopes of finding Perry so the two of them could take. It was only a short before he found the man he was looking for in the lounge sitting at the table.

J.D grinned as he walked in and slid in the sit beside Perry. "Hey Dr. Cox, whatcha doing?"

"What does it look like Newbie, I'm working," Perry grumbled without even looking up. "You know that thing you used to do."

"Don't worry I'll be back to work soon and then you'll be begging to get rid of me." Perry simply grunted in response but still didn't look up at J.D. J.D noticed that Perry was deliberately not looking at him. "I got a call from Mr. Every today, you know Walter's lawyer."

"What does that bastard want?"

"He wants me to come by to discuss Walter's last will and testament."

"I hope you told him where he could shove it."

"Actually I told that I would stop by tomorrow."

"What?" Perry hissed, snatching the cup out of J.D's hands and throwing it in the trash.

"Hey I was drinking that."

"You can't be serious. After what that bastard did to you you're actually going to read his will and oblige everything he wants."

"No, that's not what I'm doing," J.D replied, "I'm doing this in an effort to get Walter out of my life. I'm doing this so I can finally move on."

"Fine do what you want?" Perry grumbled as he picked up his charts and walked out of the room.

J.D wasn't far behind and was angry at Perry for acting the way he was. He decided that it was time for the two of them to talk or else they wouldn't be able to fix what was wrong. "Okay this stops now," J.D growled, pushing Perry into an empty supply closet. "What the hell is your problem?"

"Destiny I advise you to let me go if you know what's good for you."

"Not until you tell me what wrong's."

"There's nothing wrong with me Suzie."

"Ever since the night we had sex you've been ignoring me."

"That's not true."

"Oh really," J.D snorted, finally letting Perry's arm go. "You been refusing to look at me and you barely speak to me unless I'm the one who initiates it. So I'll ask you again, what is your problem?"

"Nothing is wrong with me," Perry growled as he tried to walk out of the closet only to be pushed against the wall by J.D. "Newbie-"

"That's bullshit and you know it. Is this about what we did?"

"It shouldn't have happened."

"Why, because you can't stand the fact that someone else deflowered me before you had the chance too."

"How the hell can you say that?"

"That what it feels like," J.D whispered, leaning against a shelf. "You won't look at me, you won't talk to me, you barely even touch me and I don't know why. Are you ashamed of me or something?"

"J.D it's not you it's me. The reason I've been acting the way I have is because I feel bad about pressuring you into have sex with me."

"Pressuring me. Perry that's ridiculous, you didn't pressure me I wanted it remember."

"You weren't ready," Perry growled, turning his attention away from J.D. "I should have said no but I didn't and I only ended up pushing you away."

"You didn't push me away."

"Then why did you look at me the way you did after it was over, like you couldn't stand to look at me."

J.D sucked in a breath as he ran his fingers through his hair. He was so caught up in his feelings and what he wanted that he didn't ask Perry what he wanted. He never considered for a second how making love would change their relationship but it was, in a very drastic way. "Maybe we moved a little too fast; took a step that neither of us were ready for but what happened happened and we can't change that."

"We can't take it back."

"And we don't have too, we just have to take it slower next time," J.D whispered, turning Perry around to face him. He reached up and grabbed Perry's face and tugged it closer to him so that their face's were so close they could feel each other's breath on their faces. "Perry I'm sorry for making you feel the way you do after what we did but I'm not sorry for what we did. Making love to you was one of the best experiences of my life."

"Just saying that to make me happy."

"No, I'm saying it because it makes me happy, you make me happy. Happier than I've ever been." J.D replied honestly. And it did. His session with Dr. Richards was making him see that Walter didn't take anything away from him. He was in charge of his own life and nothing Walter did could change that. That's why he was strong enough to meet with Mr. Every, to show the man that he's no longer afraid. "I love you more than anything in the world."

It felt like a huge burden had been lifted off Perry's chest. No longer did he feel that he broke J.D in any way and was happy that they were starting to move forward. "I love you too."

"Good because I like being with you and I don't want to change that for anything."

"Could you be anymore more of a cornball Tiffany."

"Perry shut up and kiss me," J.D purred huskily as he threw his arms around Perry's neck. Perry leaned over and locked the closet before he gave into J.D's demand. The kiss was just what the men needed to finally place their relationship exactly where it needed to be. "Perry," he breathed heavily when Perry pulled away. "How slow do we have to take it?"

"How slow do you want it?"

"Fuck slow," J.D hissed tugging Perry's coat off his shoulders before slipping a hand down the older man's pants and underwear. This time J.D was ready for what was to come and couldn't be happier. And this time neither could Perry.

* * *

His fingers nervously drummed the arm of the chair as the lawyer sat down in front of with the file. He'd only been the office for least then five minutes and he already felt like he was going to explode with emotions. Nervous as he was he felt his body relax as soon as he felt Perry's hand on his thigh. "Thanks Perry," J.D smiled as he looked over at his partner.

"Don't mention it," Perry growled, looking at Peter. "Really, don't mention it."

"Okay Mr. Dorian I have everything here in order," Peter smiled, giving J.D the folder to look at. "I just need you to sign on the dotted line."

"And what exactly is he signing."

"To have all of Walter's assets handed over to him. His parent's house, all his possessions including furniture and car, as well as his insurance policy."

"How much."

"175,000 dollars in total."

J.D didn't even flinch at the amount as he pushed the papers back in front of the lawyer. "Keep it," J.D replied sternly, leaning back in his chair.

"Mr. Dorian I'm sure that this must be difficult for you to do but I can't keep any money of Mr. Adams when it has been willed to you."

"What part of he doesn't want it do you not understand?" Perry hissed.

"I understand it clearly Mr. umm Cox was it but Mr. Dorian-"

"Is not responsible for that bastards asset?"

"Well by law he is."

"Alright fine," J.D sighed breaking up the potential argument. "Give it away, to charity. No better yet, make the check out to Sacred Heart; that way it could do some good."

"Are you sure this is what you want to do?"

"Positive. I want nothing to do with this money and if someone else can benefit from it then so be it."

"If that's what you want Mr. Dorian then I will draw up the paperwork as soon as possible."

"Good."

Peter made a mental note inside his head before he looked back at J.D. Taking a deep breath he slid the folder he was in front of him in front of J.D.

"What's this," J.D asked as he opened the folder.

"There is one matter we have to discuss."

"Which is?"

"Whether or not you want to Walter off of life support," Perry gulped, looking at J.D. "As his power of attorney it is your responsibility to take Mr. Adams off his life support."

"Take him off," J.D responded without hesitation and slid the file back to Peter. He knew the question would come up eventually and was already prepared to answer it.

"Are you sure that's what you want?"

"Did he stutter," Perry interjected hissing through his teeth. "He said take the bastard off, it's what he deserves."

"If you're sure Mr. Dorian then I will need you to sign a few forms and I will fax them over to the hospital as soon as possible. Shouldn't take longer than a few days since he doesn't have family that could take it to court."

"Good, is that all," J.D asked standing up from his chair. The longer he stayed in the office talking about Walter the more agitated and angry he became. Perry soon followed suit and got up as well feeling like J.D only stronger.

Peter stood up himself and shook both Perry and J.D's hands before moving from behind his desk. "That's everything Mr. Dorian," he replied leading the men to the door. "I'll call you if I need anything else."

"Okay," J.D responded as he made his way out of the office. He stopped momentarily and turned back to Peter who was already back at his desk. "There is one more thing I would like to know."

"Yes."

"How do you know my mother?"

"Oh Barbara, we were high school sweethearts. Together for three years and even planned to get married, that is before she met Sam Dorian. After the two of them met I was thrown away like yesterday's trash. That's something I will never forget."

"I'm sorry, for bringing it up."

"Don't worry about it. What happened happened, nothing I can do about it except cherish the good memories I have."

J.D nodded his head, "See you around Peter," was all J.D said as he closed the door behind him and let the words from the attorney sink inside his mind.

* * *

"I think I made a mistake."

Dr. Richards looked up at J.D curiously as she leaned back in her chair. This is one of the final appointments that the two had together and after a rocky start together she was finally getting him to open up to her. She was happy that he was beginning to trust her enough to move on from this experience. "About what?"

"About taking Walter off life support."

"So you finally decided what you were going to do about Mr. Adams, that's good."

"No it's not," J.D groaned, lying down on the sofa. Two days ago he decided to end the life of the person who destroyed his life and for two nights straight he hadn't been able to sleep. "I think my conscious is punishing me."

__

"Of course it's punishing you, you're about to become a murderer."

J.D groaned again and closed his eyes hoping the image of the other him would disappear. That was the other problem he had been dealing with for two days straight. Currently the image was sitting on Dr. Richards desk with a sadistic smile on his face.

__

"Closer your eyes isn't going to get rid of me idiot," he continued to ridicule J.D. "How many time do I have to tell you that."

"Shut up," J.D hissed, turning over.

"Excuse me,"

"Sorry Dr. Richards, I was talking to myself."

__

"Obviously."

"Are you alright Mr. Dorian."

"I'm fine."

__

"Lying isn't going to solve your problems Pinocchio."

J.D choose to ignore the vexation in front of him and focus solely on Kathleen. "I just think I'm making a big mistake."

"Why do you believe that taking Mr. Adams off life support is a big mistake?"

"I don't know."

__

"Pathetic."

"Do you think that by taking this man off life support you're becoming just like him, a killer?"

"Maybe."

"There is no maybe Mr. Dorian," Kathleen replied, looking at J.D. "There are only yes and no answers but never room for maybes."

"I don't know-"

"Tell me, are you doing this out of revenge, punishing Walter for what he did to you or are you doing this because you know that there is nothing more this hospital can do for him. That he is as good as dead and there is positively no point in dragging him life on."

"Does it matter why I'm doing it?" J.D asked, sitting up on the sofa and staring at the doctor in front of him. "It was my decision to make and I choose what I wanted to do."

"Of course it was your decision to make," Kathleen hissed, her thin accent becoming thicker with each word. "But obviously you aren't sure if you made the right decision if you think you're making a big mistake."

"Why are you-"

"Did you make this decision based on personal feelings or the knowledge you have as a doctor?"

"What's the difference?"

"The difference Mr. Dorian is this. If you made the decision based on personal feelings then you are not only corrupting yourself but also your duty as a doctor. Personal vendettas are not ethical and certainly have no place in the oath you took as a doctor. You know the oath right, all doctors take it even me, first do no harm. As a doctor you learn firsthand to never make a decision with your heart but with your head. Please correct me if I'm wrong."

"You're right…about everything."

"Good, so now all you have to decided is whether you made the decision with your heart or with your head."

J.D remained quiet as Kathleen continued to look at him and the image of the other him stared at him with the same sadistic smile on his face. If only he knew that making the decision about Walter would have a greater effect on him then he could have imagined he would have never made it.

__

"Who you think you're fooling," the other him smiled as he slid down from the desk and walked over to J.D. He bent down so that he was face to face with the other man and moved in close to his ear. "We all know why you made the decision," he whispered. "It's take a real coward to become a murderer and a monster."

"I'm not a monster."

__

"Of course you are. You and Walter are like two peas in a cowardice murderous pod."

"That's not true," J.D whispered, using his hands to cover his ears and closing his eyes. The more the image talked the more true the words felt. Turning off the machine would make him feel like a murderer if he did it for the wrong reasons.

__

"Face it J.D, you're about to become a killer just like dear ole Walter. I bet he would be so proud."

"Mr. Dorian," Kathleen yelled for what felt like the hundredth time. For the past few minutes J.D went off into his own little dream world and began arguing with himself. She immediately knew something was wrong when the young man started to rock back and forth. Getting up from her chair, she walked over to the doctor and shook him on the shoulders, "Mr. Dorian."

Hearing Dr. Richards voice caused J.D to snap out of his daydream and ignore the voice of the image. Uncovering his ears and opening his eyes, he could see the female doctor holding on to his shoulders with a concern look in her eyes. "Dr. Richards-"

"Are you alright?"

"Could we maybe end today's session a bit early. I have a lot of thinking to do and I can't do it here."

"Of course," she nodded and walked back over to her chair while J.D got up and left out of the office. Secretly she prayed that this decision would compromise everything the two of them had been working so hard to fix. She didn't know what would become of J.D if she or his friends were able to get through to him.

* * *

Taking deep breaths, he walked until he was at the nurse's station where Elliot was there picking up charts. Plastering a fake smile on his face he made his way up to her and grabbed a few of her charts.

"Oh thanks J.D," she smiled graciously at her friend. "I will be so glad when you become reinstated again and I don't have to work so many shifts."

"I can't wait either. I can't believe I'm saying this but I actually miss working in this hellhole."

"I bet you do," she laughed, "So what's up?"

"I was wondering if you would do something for me."

"What is it?"

He took a deep breath as he looked around to make sure they were alone before making a sound. "I need you to get Walter's chart for me."

"Why?"

"I just need it Elliot, to help me figure out the right thing to do."

Elliot saw the look of seriousness on J.D's face and quickly nodded her head. If he needed her help with something she would do whatever it took to make sure he got it. "When do you need it?" she asked.

"Now would be good."

"Alright then let's go." And with that the two of them left the station and went to retrieve the chart. J.D was hopeful that he would find something to help make his decision better and the voice inside his head go away.

* * *

There you have it Chapter 14 is up and running and don't blink because Chapter 15 is on the way. I mean it, it should be posted soon and then this story will be over before you know it. Don't you just love how I brought Michael back. I thought he would like to see how J.D was doing after everything that happened to him and I hope that the Peter/Robert thing was cleared. I didn't realize I called him two different names until I reposted it on my computer after my old computer, with the original stories, including this one, died last year. I also hope you don't think I made Dan's recovery to fast because it's not like he's completely healed, he just can feel a little. And for all those who are wondering, J.D still has a few more appearences left before he goes away. Until next time.

Hugs and Kisses

"Re-Re"


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary: Didn't I tell you that I would be back soon and here I am. I won't say anything else instead I will let you read the chapter on yourself. Now off you go, read and enjoy****.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own this show but I wouldn't it be awesome if I did. It so would be.**

* * *

**Chapter 15**

* * *

The boardroom was filled with members as J.D stood in front of them ready to make his case. In the corner of the room were his friends and Perry there to support him while Dr. Kelso and Jordan took their respective seats.

"Doctor Dorian, you are aware of why you're here," one of the board members finally asked after everyone was there.

"Yes I am," J.D answered the grey-haired doctor. "You want to make sure that my mental state and judgment is stable enough to make this decision."

"And is it."

"I know many of you don't think that it is, I mean why would it be. I'm in charge of a man's life who devastated my life. Anyone in my position would want nothing but revenge for their pain."

"Is that what you want, revenge?"

"Honestly in the beginning I did," J.D admitted, "I thought it was what he deserved for hurting not only me but my friends and family. I wasn't about to let him get away with what he did but over time I began to change my mind."

"May I ask why?"

"I realized that I'm a doctor and it is my duty as a doctor to save and protect the lives of the people I treat, personal feelings aside. It's the oath I took, the same oath that I as well as some people in this room abide by. I will not let anyone, not even Mr. Adams, jeopardize my position as a doctor."

"So no personal feelings are present in making this decision?" This time a blonde hair petite woman asked J.D the question instead of the grey-haired man.

"Walter is brain dead, nothing we do will give him the power to live without the help from his life support machine. If it was any other patient we would follow the exact same protocol, this case isn't any different."

"It's different when the one suggesting that we take a man off life support has a conflict of interest."

"It's not when that said person is first and foremost a doctor which is exactly what I am. He placed this decision in my hands and as a doctor I made the decision, not as a man but as a doctor and I am confident in my decision."

"What if there was a chance for Mr. Adams to live, would you be making the same decision?"

"If there was some way to save Mr. Adams I would do it because everyone deserves a chance at life. I am not god, I don't past judgment, and I certainly don't decide who lives or dies."

"It has come to our attention that Mr. Adams has left his entire estate to you," Dr. Kelso replied. "This includes everything he owns as well as his insurance policies. What do you plan on doing with the money?"

"Bob I don't think that this-"

"It's okay, I figured Dr. Kelso would ask me something like this," J.D smiled. "It's true, I was willed everything but I'm not keeping it. Instead, I have asked the attorney to give all the money to this very hospital."

"How generous of you Mr. Dorian; you don't intend or keeping any of the money."

"Like I stated previously no."

"May I ask why?"

"Because it would feel like a payoff, like money is supposed to make me feel better about what happened but it doesn't. It makes me feel cheap and worthless and I don't' want any part of that. I'm getting over this just fine on my own and with of my friends and love ones," J.D smiled, looking over at his friends and Perry who were all smiling at him. "It's because of these people I know that I am going to be okay. And if this money can help the lives of other people then that's what I want."

"Well Mr. Dorian you made an excellent case and if would please give us a few moments we will tell you our decision shortly."

J.D thanked each member and left out of the boardroom. Once outside the room his friends crowded around him and pulled him into a group hug.

"That's was great J.D," Elliot grinned as she kissed the side of his cheek.

"You think I did okay."

"Of course dude, you had them floored," Turk smiled, giving J.D a high-five.

"I agree with Turk Bambi, you did great."

"You really think so, I was just telling the truth."

Perry walked over to J.D and pulled the young man into deep hug. "And you did a good job."

"Thanks," J.D smiled

"Mr. Dorian we have reached a verdict and have decided to take Mr. Adams off life support as you requested. It will be administrated at twelve noon tomorrow."

* * *

It was Friday morning and J.D found himself in Kathleen's office close to the last time. The weeks seemed to have flown by leaving J.D a bit frighten about what would happen to him when the sessions stopped. A part of him couldn't wait to get back to work and start to put his life back together but another part was scared that he wouldn't be able to.

"Mr. Dorian, are you alright."

J.D jolted out of his thoughts and looked over at his doctor who was staring at him strangely. "I'm sorry what?"

"I asked if you were alright," Dr. Richards asked again. "You seem to be somewhere else."

"I think it's because I am, somewhere else I mean. I just have a lot on my mind."

"Well this is the best place to talk about it. Do you want to talk about it?"

"No not really but in a way I do."

"Then please, tell me what's wrong."

"Alright," sighed J.D as he laid down on the sofa. "I think I'm going crazy."

* * *

__

Flashback

The next day came too soon for J.D as he waited outside Walter Adam's hospital room. Mixed emotions clouded his head as he watched through the window. A small part of him wanted to be happy that the person who hurt him was getting what he deserved but at the same time he couldn't help but feel sad. Not because the man was dying but for the man he could have been if he only had someone to love him when he was younger. Maybe Walter wouldn't have become the crazed broken man that he knew; no one would know for sure because the past was one thing you could never change.

"You okay there Newbie."

__

J.D looked to his right and saw that Perry had finally arrived after a quick run in with a newly admitted patient. J.D didn't mind that the older doctor was left, even telling him that he didn't have to be there but Perry remain persistent and vowed that he would be with J.D no matter what and J.D couldn't be happier. Just the presence of Perry was enough to keep him strong. "I'm better, now that you're here," replied J.D as he wrapped his arms around Perry.

"I promised you I would be."

__

"I know."

Perry smiled and placed a small kiss on J.D's forehead as the two of them stared into the room watching the doctors take their time and remove all the machines that were keeping Walter alive. The last to go was the respirator and soon the nearly dead man was breathing his last breaths.

Silently, J.D watched the doctors in the room wait for the man to take his final breath when something caught his eye.

"You should come in here," the image smirked leaning against the glass, "It's the least you can do since you're the reason he's dying. What, so you're just going to ignore me now that you're in the presence of Perry."

The J.D watched the image of himself move from the glass and walk over to Walter's bed, stopping to stand over Walter. "Are you proud of what you've done Johnathan? Are you happy that you finally got the revenge you wanted," hissed the image as he stared at him through the glass. "Is this what you wanted because congratulations buddy, you got your wish."

"Leave me alone."

__

"It's not going to help you know. Walter dying isn't going to make your life any better. Nothing is going to change just because the man is dead, do you hear me; nothing is going to change. You're life is still going to be a downward spiral to nowhere and Walter dying isn't going to change that."

"I said stop it."

"Listen to me you pathetic bastard, with or without Walter you're life is over," the other him laughed as he banged against the glass, breaking J.D's exterior with every word. "You're nothing but a fucking loser and that's all you ever will be."

"Please-" whispered J.D, backing away from the window and colliding with the opposite wall. "I just want it to be over."

"It will never be over don't you see that. You will live with the memories of what he did to you forever. The rape, the torture, the abuse will always be buried deep inside your mind, nothing you do will ever change that."

"Go away," J.D cried as tears began to fall down his face and his body began to convulse. "Just go away dammit."

"They will eat away at you until you have nothing left," the image continued to scream, "And then you'll be begging me to come back. Face it J.D I'm all you have. You will be nothing without me."

__

The tears continued to fall down J.D's face as he felt someone grabbing him by the arms. He opened his eyes to see Perry standing in front of him with a concerned and scared look on his face.

"Dammit J.D, snap out of it," pleaded Perry, pulling J.D into a strong hug.

"Perry."

"J.D-"

"I think something's wrong with me," was all J.D said as everything around him suddenly went black.

-_End of Flashback-_

* * *

"And about half an hour later I woke up in a hospital bed."

"Did you find out why?"

"A panic attack, a severe one. I guess seeing Walter on his way to death and knowing that in a small way I was responsible for that was too much for my mind and body to handle."

"It isn't uncommon for a victim of an assault to suffer from panic attacks when in the presence of their attacker," Kathleen replied sympathetically.

"It wasn't a simple panic attack, it was different."

"Really, how?"

"Because I saw me," J.D whispered as he continued to avoid eye-contact with Dr. Richards.

"I'm sorry could you repeat that."

"I said I saw me, in the room with Walter as they were taking him off life support, and he was talking to me."

"What was he saying?"

"He was yelling about how I was responsible for Walter's death and how no matter what I do I won't be able to move on because of what he did to me."

"Was that day the first time you saw an image of you?"

"No."

"Do you remember the first time it happened?"

"It was during the time Walter held me captive. I saw an image of me telling me that I wasn't going make it out alive. That Perry wouldn't want me anymore because of what Walter did to me. And then I saw him while I was in the hospital, I even saw him here and each time he was saying the same things."

"What did he say those times?"

"That I should kill myself because

Kathleen could see J.D eyes moist with tears as he began telling her everything. She was finally getting the break-though she had been hoping for before her sessions were over with J.D. "Mr. Dorian can you tell me what Walter did to you?"

"He…he raped me," J.D whispered softly as the words came flowing out of him. "He tortured me, drugged me and he raped me because he was obsessed with me."

"How did that make you feel?"

"How do you think it made me feel?" J.D suddenly screamed, sitting up from the sofa. "It made me feel violated and pathetic and helpless and stupid because I thought Walter was my friend. My friends are supposed to hurt me and that sick fuck did and it was all my fault."

"Mr. Dorian-"

"It was my fault because I'm so damn friendly and trustworthy and I always want to see the good in people, I want to give them the benefit of doubt. It's my fault, it's all my fault." And then the dam broke and all the built-up emotions and feelings that J.D tried his best to hide from the doctor were out in the open and he was unable to stop. Tears trailed down his face leaving his face wet and his eye-lashes stuck together.

Kathleen dropped her notebook and walked over to J.D, wrapping her arms around him. There, she held him and allowed the man to cry and release all he was feeling.

"Why do I keep seeing him," J.D sobbed, "Walter's dead and I should be moving on but I can't if he keeps haunting me."

"Johnathan, sometimes the mind develops ways for us to deal with horrific and ghastly events in our lives. This other image of you is a coping mechanism that your mind has invented to help you overcome what you've been through. He's blaming you because you've been secretly blaming yourself for everything's that happened."

"Because it is my fault."

"It's not your fault, it's Walter's and it's time for you to see that J.D. You were a victim of a heinous crime, not the criminal."

The tears slowly came to a halt as J.D wiped the rest of them away. The raw feeling was felt all over his body causing him a great amount of pain but a part of him felt different, lighter even. He realized he only scratched the surface of his problem and there would be a long road ahead of him if he wanted to move on, which he did. He also realized that the he needed to take the first step. "What do I do now?"

"You keep being the person you are," she whispered back. "You take back control of your life and you take it one step at a time. You can start by writing in that notebook I gave you. I know you think it's stupid but it will help you get through this promise."

"What if it's not enough?"

"It will be because I believe in you and you have friends, true friends that will help you through this. Not to mention Perry who seems to love you very much."

"I don't know if I'll ever be strong enough to tell him what happened."

"You will be, in time. You can't rush something like this because something like this takes time."

"Time-"

"Yes time, it's what you'll need if you want to completely heal. That is what you want isn't?"

"Yes," J.D replied without hesitation.

"Then allow yourself time to heal on your own terms. Don't let anyone force you to become someone you don't want to be."

J.D nodded as he slipped his hand out of Dr. Richards and ran it through his hair. Letting out a small sigh, he gathered his notebook from the table and made his way out of the office but not before giving the shrink another nod goodbye.

Kathleen let out a small smile as she watched J.D leave. J.D may have not won the war just yet but with a little help he would be well on his way.

* * *

There you have it folks the dam has finally broken. J.D's finally letting it all out. I know it seemed like J.D's breakdown was a bit soon but there is no time limit on recovery. It happened when it did and I'm glad it did. I'm also glad that Walter's dead and won't be able to hurt J.D ever again. Just one more chapter left and then this will be another story I put to bed. After writing it for almost two years I feel as though I should have ended it a long time ago. Oh well, better late than never I always say. Anyways, it's time for me to go ahead and post the next chapter so until those moments.

Hugs and Kisses

"Re-Re"

* * *


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary: It's done at last, it's done at last, thank God almighty it's done at last. I want to thank everybody who stuck with me this long and stressful time and it was your support that kept me going. I dedicate this story to all of you and wish you nothing but the best in this new year. Now enough with my rambling, I'm going to let you read the last chapter of my story and hope you enjoy it. Don't forget to check out the review shout-out corner and see if your name is there. **

**P.S. Since this is the last chapter I will answer all reviews personal just to show how much your comments mean to me.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Scrubs. This wonderful show is owned by Bill Lawerence and ABC, who have done a fantastic with season eight by the way. I am just a loyal fan who loves the show to pieces. **

* * *

**Chapter 16 (Epilogue)**

* * *

"I want you to read this."

Perry opened up his eyes to see his lover towering over him with his private notebook in his hand. Six months passed since the death of Walter and with the help of Dr. Richards J.D was finally moving on with his life. It was hard at first especially with J.D becoming reinstated as a doctor as soon as his sessions were over but it wasn't long before he was back to his own self. His trust for people was the most effected by what happened to him but it didn't shock anyone, in fact all of them became weary of the people they came in contact with. Dr. Kelso was even doing his part by requiring everyone in the hospital receiving background checks before being hired which led to a few people being let go.

"You want me to read what's in your notebook, really."

"Yeah," smiled J.D shyly as he brushed one palm against the side of his arm, rolling up his sleeve a little. The cuts and bruises that were once there were slowly becoming non-existent, only leaving faint scars. Still, they weren't as big as the emotional scar he would always carry but that too was slowly disappearing. J.D could only hope that the wound would one day be healed completely.

"Are you sure," Perry asked nervous and unsure about what he should do. Slowly he sat up on the bed and continued to look at J.D, "I don't have too if you don't want me to."

"I want you to read it because I'm ready for you to know everything that happened."

"So you trust me then?"

"There was never a moment when I didn't trust you. Telling the most important person in my life what happened to me will help me move on. I need this and I can't help but feel that you need it too."

"Tasha you don't have to do this if you think this will make me happy."

"I'm not," J.D replied quickly. "I'm doing this because we both need this and…it feels right."

Perry nodded and slowly reached out to grab the notebook from J.D's hand. J.D smiled as he released the notebook into Perry's possession and started to make his way out of the bedroom.

"Before I forget your brother called," Perry called out before J.D made his exit.

"He probably called to tell me about the new apartment he just moved into," grinned J.D as he thought about how well his brother was doing. After almost being paralyzed, his brother recovery was going well. He still had to attend physical therapy twice a week but was able to walk a little on his own and even better with a cane. Dan liked to joke that he was House but without the medical experience. J.D held a bit of pride when it came to his brother finally going out on his own and making a life for himself.

"He really wanted to talk to you."

"I'll give him a call," replied J.D as he finally made his way out of the room.

* * *

Two hours later Perry quietly came out of his room, notebook in hand, to find J.D lying on the couch watching the television. Softly placing the journal on the table, the older doctor reached down and curled up behind the smaller man. He wrapped on arm around J.D who in turn entwined their fingers together.

"That took longer than expected."

"I read them, all the entries I read them. I read them over and over again and I swear to God Newbie it made me sick reading them."

"And."

"I wished I would have killed that son of bitch for what he did to you," Perry whispered angrily into J.D's ear. "I wish I could have-"

"I know."

"I'm serious J.D. That monster deserved more than what he got for what he put you through. I hate him."

"I know you do."

"Is that all you're going to say?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I realize that I can't change the past," replied J.D as he turned over to face his lover. "I can't stay mad at him forever because in the end it will leave me broken and bitter and that's not something I want to be."

"J.D-"

"Perry what happened happened and I can't do anything about it except to move on, which is something I want to do. And in order to do that I need to be honest with you."

"I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. I'm just happy that I finally told you the truth.

"Me too J.D," Perry smiled slightly, kissing J.D passionately. "Me too," he replied again when he pulled away. "I promise."

"Thank-you."

Perry simply smiled and kissed J.D again. "And by the way, I love you too Sunshine."

J.D knew that the remark was in reference to the last entry in his journal.

* * *

__

-Flashback-

J.D found himself alone in the apartment on one of his rare days off and decided to write in his private journal, a habit he had grown accustomed to over the past few months. It was going to be his last entry he wrote since he was out of paper and he also felt like it was time to let go of all his pain.

Dear Perry,

__

If you're reading this then I guess I gave you my journal to read. I know it will probably be a shock to you seeing as how I haven't allowed you to read it before but the time must be right if I'm giving it to you.

Right now you're probably upset because of what I wrote but I don't want you to be. I also know that's like asking a cheetah not to run or a lion not to eat a gazelle, it's in their nature just like it's in your nature to get mad so I know right now you're really mad on the borderline of pissed. And since you are I'm going to let you because you should be mad, I was. Mad at the world, at myself, at Walter for what he did to me but I realized that I don't want to be anymore because it hurts, it really does. The anger gnaws away at you like a flesh-eating bacteria and I don't want to feel that pain anymore and I don't want you to feel that way either. So for now I'm going to let you be upset but I will not allow you to be mad for long.

I also don't want you to start blaming yourself again, for what happened. It's not your fault and you're not the blame just like I'm not to blame. The person to blame is dead and will never be able to hurt us again. I just want you to know that I love you and I want to be with you forever.

Always yours,

J.D oka (otherwise known as) Gladys

__

He closed the notebook and placed the pen down beside as he crossed his arms. On the other side of the room stood a mirrored image of him who simply smiled before disappear from sight. J.D smiled, realizing that he would never see that part of him again.

-End of Flashback-

* * *

J.D buried his head in Perry's chest, closed his eyes, and listened to Perry's soft breathing. "I love you too," whispered J.D softly as he let himself drift off to sleep.

* * *

****

_Four months later_

"Perry please,"

Perry hissed as he fumbled his pocket and pulled out a small bottle lube he brought for occasions like this. Currently him and J.D were at Jordan's new apartment, in her bathroom while the rest of their friends were enjoying the party that was thrown in their honor. "God Newbie."

"Not God but I swear I see him every time you do this to me," J.D smirked as Perry continued to prepare him for what was next to come.

"Then prepare to see him again." Ripping open the condom with his teeth, he slowly slipped it on his throbbing cock before slowly pushing himself inside his young lover. One arm was wrapped around J.D's waist while the other was pressed against the wall trying to keep them steady as Perry thrust inside of J.D.

J.D's body quivered uncontrollable as Perry pushed in and out of him, hitting his prostate repeatedly. He knew it wouldn't be long before he came. "Perry I…can't-"

"Then don't," hissed Perry as J.D grinded against him and his eyes rolled in the back in his head.

"Oh God," J.D cried, pulling Perry into a passionate kiss. Fast and furious he came as he pulled out of the kiss and rested him head on Perry's shoulder. "Have I told you how much I loved you today?"

"Are you always such a girl Deborah?"

"You weren't complaining a few seconds ago."

Perry was about to respond when a loud banging on the door stopped him from doing so. "Occupied," he cried out at the person knocking.

"If you two are done in there I would like my bathroom back," Jordan yelled at them while she continued to bang on the door. "I mean it or I swear to go Perry I will kill you."

"She's mean to us even on our anniversary."

"And you expected her not to be. I'm sorry but have you two met before."

"I know," J.D sighed as he finished cleaning himself off along with Perry. "But you have to admit she is a bit calmer since she started dating Elliot. Who knew they would still be together after a whole year."

"I bet people would ask the same thing about us."

"Probably."

* * *

The two finally made their way out of the bathroom, cleaned and unruffled, and back to the party to see their small group of friends staring at them. There before them was a blushing Elliot, an angry Jordan, a terrified Turk, and a very pregnant Carla along with a few people from around the hospital.

"About where we were," J.D started to reply only to be stopped by Turk who immediately raised his hand.

"Dude we don't want to know so please, don't tell us," Turk shrieked to keep the man from talking.

"Okay." Perry grunted while J.D simply smiled as the two of them sat down, grabbing their drinks at the same time.

"So, how does feel to be with the same person for an entire year?" Elliot asked as she made her way over to the happy couple.

"It feels really good," J.D answered, "I never thought I would ever be with someone for this long without wanting to bolt."

"I know what you mean," answered Elliot who looked over and smiled at Jordan. "Now all I have to do is to get her to stop calling me Stick and tell my parents the truth and this will be the best relationship I've ever had."

"Good luck with."

"I know that was meant to be sarcastic but I will take it, thank- you very much. So now that you two have hit the one year mark what do you have planned for the future."

"What do you mean?"

"She wants to know if you plan on getting hitched Bambi." They looked to see Carla as well as Turk and Jordan were standing next to them.

"You mean married," squeaked J.D.

"Of course that what she means Vanilla Bear. You know how women get."

"Yes D.J would known since he is indeed a woman."

"I am not Jordan. Just because I'm a bit sensitive and I love romantic comedies, have a flair for fashion and perfect groomed hair doesn't make me a woman."

"Of course it doesn't Bambi but you still haven't answered our question."

"I…we…um-"

"If you want to know if me and Darla are getting hitched anytime soon then the answer would be none of your damn business so back off," Perry hissed, speaking for the first time since the questioning began.

"Well," scowled Elliot, "This is the last time I throw a party in your honor. Come on Jordan lets go somewhere else."

"Way to go Per, I just love Stick when she's pissed. She's a tiger in bed," Jordan grinned as the pair walked away.

"No Turk, don't even think about it."

"Aw baby, you never let me have any fun."

The married couple too walked away from Perry and J.D in the middle of an argument. Sighing, Perry reached over and placed one arm around J.D while the younger man rested his head on his chest.

"We don't ever have to get married you know," J.D quietly stated, "I know you've been married before and it didn't turn out that well so I know you don't want to ever go through that again and I wouldn't want you to do something you don't want to do."

"Newbie-"

"I'm just saying I wouldn't love you any less if you decide you don't want to ever get married again."

"J.D."

"Yeah."

"Shut up," said Perry. "Look Delilah I'm not saying that I want to marry you because I'm don't but if there's ever a point in our lives where I feel that I'm ready to take that step again then there's a small chance that I will."

"So you're saying maybe someday but not today."

"And not tomorrow but yeah, someday maybe."

"I think I like that answer," J.D smiled as he leaned over and kissed Perry softly on the lips. He pulled away and continued to smile as Elliot and Carla came back over to them carrying a cake.

"Happy anniversary Bambi, I'm so proud of you."

"Me too,"

"Don't forget about me V-Bear."

"Let's just get this over with; I am ready for this night to end." Perry grumbled only to be kissed by J.D again.

"That's where you're wrong Perry, this is only the beginning," J.D smiled as he swiped some frosting from the cake and licked his finger. "Only the beginning." He was about to say something else when he felt a hand touch his shoulder and looked up to see his doctor standing over him. "I see you finally decided to show-up."

"You're one year anniversary, I wouldn't have missed it for the world." Kathleen smiled as J.D stood up and hugged her. Over the last few months J.D had become like a friend to her. She tried really hard not to keep her professional and personal life separate but it was hard to do when she knew someone as special as J.D. So instead of keeping the man at bay she embraced him as a more than a patient. "Sorry I'm late, traffic was terrible."

"Don't worry about. Let me go get you something to drink."

Kathleen smiled as the young man walked away and made herself comfortable next to Perry. "He seems to be doing well."

"He is thanks to you of course."

"I was merely doing my job, that's all."

"But you didn't have to," Perry smiled. "You came because I asked you to and you helped fix him. I don't know how I'll ever repay you for what you've done."

"As far as I'm concerned we're even, Kathleen smiled. "I seem to remember a point in my life when I was in J.D's position and you helped me realize that my life wasn't over."

"I was doing my job."

"As was I; it was the least I could do and I'm glad I could help." Kathleen leaned over and placed a small kiss on Perry's cheek at the same moment J.D came back with her drink.

"Don't let me interrupt you two."

"Please, I was trying to get Dr. Cox here to shut up about how much he owes me for helping you."

"Well I owe you too, for what you did for me."

"It was my pleasure," she smiled, taking her drink from his hand. "I helped you get your life back together and you gave me a new friend."

J.D blushed as he sat on the other side of Perry and linked their arms together. "Well I tend to have that kind of affect on people," he smiled.

"I see that."

"Hey Kathleen guess what, Perry and I are getting married."

"Dammit Newbie,"

"Really," the shrink shrieked, "When."

"Someday."

"I don't understand-"

"Don't pay him any attention Kathy," Perry sighed. "I told Dina over here that I might want to marry him someday but that's a big maybe."

"Like I said, someday," smiled J.D. "And I have feeling that day will come sooner than I realize." J.D ignored the strange looks that Kathleen and Perry were given and just smiled at his own comment. It felt nice to have his life the way it used to be and he wouldn't change that for anything.

* * *

There you have it folks my story is now over and the triology is now complete. Don't worry, you haven't seen the last of me. I have plenty more stories where this one came from including one where Perry loses his memory. I know, you can't wait right. Anyways before I sign off for the last time there are a few people I would like to thank who reviewed this story and made me feel special in a very good way. If you please my review shout out corner.

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**Review Shout Out Corner-Stars represent multiple reviewers.**

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* * *

Now my story is now finished and you all can go back to your boring lives but like I said a few sentences ago my writing isn't over I promise. I also promise that the next time I post a story it will be finished completely before it's posted that way there won't be so much waiting. Until next time when I come back with a another awesome story I shall say goodbye.

Hugs and Kisses, Peace and Love, Wind and Fire,

"Re-Re"


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